That's my over/under on articles that will be written about Peyton Manning and his career nemeses Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. You know you are definitely getting a Bill Simmons piece. You know many of the other ESPN.com writers will opine. You may even get DJ Gallo's wit and wisdom. I do like DJ Gallo.
You know they will all write about it. ESPN, Yahoo!, SI.com, CBS SportsLine, all of them. Peyton Manning this, Tom Brady that. Yes, even some of my blogging bretheren. Stats, rankings, psychological profiles. You will hear it all. Someone might even tell you Bill Belicheck has an anti-Peyton Manning voodoo doll made from Archie Manning's hair hidden in his raggedy cloak of coaching wisdom. And you will tire of it. You will want something, anything else.
With your best interests in mind, I am refraining from writing about anything resembling Peyton Manning, the Indianapolis Colts, Tom Brady, Bill Belicheck, or the New England Patriots. I will however, post this picture of the absolutely beautiful Bridget Moynahan, who, because she is no longer dating Tom Brady, has nothing to with any of the aforementioned subjects.
Well, what to write about then? How about the New Orleans Saints? The Saints will probably be the default back-up story of any writer not writing about the Colts vs. the Patriots. Tell me more about how great the Saints are to the city of New Orleans. I can't possibly get enough. Could you even go out on a limb and interview Deuce McAllister for me? Thanks.
How about I write about the Chicago Bears? I could write about Rex Grossman and his up and down season. Ummm... no. To be honest, what hasn't been said about Rex Grossman by the fine esteemed gentlemen at Kissing Suzy Kolber is just not worth writing about.
So with all the corners of the football landscape covered, examined, analyzed, poked, prodded, smacked up, flipped, and rubbed down (and repeatedly in many cases), what's left? Baseball season hasn't started yet, college basketball is still wasting time until the tournaments begin, and the NBA doesn't get interesting until Shaquille O'Neal comes out of his hole, sees his shadow and predicts six more weeks of playoff basketball for the Miami Heat. That leaves me with one recourse: a schizophrenic scatological smattering of semi-conscious ponderings. In other words, a couple of random thoughts and my favorite tunes of 2006. Enjoy.
I wonder, could any full-blooded American male walk by a television showing either kung-fu or porn and not take at least a quick look? Who could resist? How could you not be drawn to the excitement, the spectacle, or the joy of two of the greatest cinematic genres ever created?
Another thing I wonder about: do people who commit suicide make to-do lists? Is "kill myself" ever on there? If so, what follows? Obviously, something they don't plan on getting done. But I am curious.
And in closing,
My top 11 CD releases of 2006:
11) Black Stone Cherry - Black Stone Cherry: Think a hard-rock 70's throwback band with a Ronnie Van Sant wanna-be on vocals. Listeners must like Zakk Wylde, Skynyrd, and long walks on the beach.
10) Audioslave - Revelations: I definitely thought this CD was better than Audioslave's second release. It seems like these guys are pumping out songs like they were mass produced by 8-year old sweatshop workers. Wait, Tom Morello might disapprove of that.
9) Method Man - 4:21... The Day After: A little older, a little more mature sounding Method Man bringing the southpaw style with guests Ol' Dirty Bastard, Lauren Hill, and Redman.
8) Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam: After a disappointing Riot Act, I was pleasantly enamored with this album. Good to see Pearl Jam back again.
7) Robert Randolph & The Family Band - Colorblind: Real good funk, jazz, gospel, rock thing going on. And Robert Randolph is a big Mets fan.
6) Buckcherry - 15: I never figured out why they called it 15. There are only 11 songs. Although they do kick ass like 15 songs of your average white band.
5) Jurassic 5 - Feedback: There is not a bad song on this CD, even the one with Dave Matthews is good. As a bonus they quote some old school, pre-"Are We There Yet?" Ice Cube.
4) Drive-By Truckers - A Blessing and a Curse: Some good ol' southern rock. Everybody seemed to have this on their "best of" list. Screw it, I liked it anyway.
3) Public Enemy f/ Paris - Rebirth of a Nation: Nothing better than militant political rap by two of the genre's best: Paris and Chuck D. Even Flavor Flav cameos with some old school, pre-Flavor of Love rhymes.
2) Cowboys from Hell and David Allen Coe - Rebel Meets Rebel: Dimebag Darrell, Vinnie Paul, and Rex Brown formerly of Pantera join forces with country outlaw legend David Allen Coe in what was Dimebag's last recording. A kick-ass one at that. RIP Dime.
1) The Coup - Pick a Bigger Weapon: Think Public Enemy mixed with heaping servings of Parliament-Funkadelic and you have The Coup. Socialist, communist, militant, anarchist, whatever ... with songs like "Laugh, Love, F*** (and drink liquor)", how can you go wrong?
Well, to all the writers who are going to inundate you with articles about either Tom Brady's champion abilities, Bill Belicheck's utter genius, or Peyton Manning's psycho-subliminal inability to defeat the Patriots: try to write something original. Please.