Thursday, December 13, 2007

Who Hugged Naja Ashei?

This post originally appeared on Yaysports.

cobra-hug.JPG(The Cavalier did not write this post. He is on yet another self-imposed exile. However, I did warn him of the parody that follows.)


In case you haven't heard, there is a new species among us. No mere cobra, the Naja Ashei is the meanest, orneriest, hungriest, most potent reptile on the planet. At over nine feet long, he has enough venom to kill 15 men, or an entire basketball team (or only one Eddy Curry.)


But despite being the baddest snake on Earth, Naja Ashei has an uncurable case of mysophobia, better known as "Howie Mandel Disease", or scientifically described as "a fear of germs". Naja Ashei is venhemently opposed to touch. Even the mere thought of contact makes Naja Ashei's skin crawl. Few are those who have broken Naja Ashei's personal bubble and lived to tell.


Yet now, with the recent announcement of his existence, Naja Ashei's life has taken a tragic turn. People around the world want to see him, interview him, have him host their award shows. His life is no longer private. Worst of all, on the day of yester, someone hugged Naja Ashei! But who? Who could have committed such a heinous act? Who could have violated the personal space of the world meanest, most venomous snake? Stay tuned as we attempt to solve "Who Hugged Naja Ashei?"


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In other news, a whole bunch of NBA teams played. Half won and half lost. Such is the nature of things. Surprisingly enough, the Knicks were not among the winners, losing to Seattle. The Raptors, on the other hand, were victorious, defeating the Mavericks for the first time since November 2003. (Note: I remember Nov 03. I was an unemployed recent college grad with hardly a nickel to my name. But that's a story for another day.)


Other teams allowed in the cool winners crew were (as of midnight Thursday AM): the Sixers, Bobcats, Pacers, Celtics, Bucks, Rockets, and Nuggets. If your favorite team is not listed, that means one of three things: either they lost, they weren't done playing at midnight EST, or they didn't play. Again, such is the nature of things.


I'll be back later Thursday evening with some more news and notes. So in the meantime, stay cool, stay funky, remember to tip your bartenders, and you never know, next time I might just reveal some Roswell-autopsy-like evidence that Who Shot Mamba? exists. Sadly, Who Hugged Naja Ashei? is only a parody.

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