Attempting to Talk Hockey

Instead of watching the Hornets put away the Mavericks and other NBA playoff action, I spent the night checking out some NHL.

Now I'll be the first to admit, even though I think the 1980 US-USSR Olympic hockey game is the greatest sporting event in American history, I'm pretty hockey stupid. On a scale of 1 to 10, my hockey knowledge is a weak 4. I know the rules, a few dozen current players, and can name a few all-time greats.

That said, the NHL playoffs are the most intense of any of the big four sports and should not be missed.

So pardon my ignorance, I'm talking hockey.

A buffet for thought:

- Although a lot of basketball pundits are discussing the emergence of young stars such as Dwight Howard and Chris Paul as positive signs for the future of the NBA, how much more important is it for the NHL that the Pittsburgh Penguins and specifically Sidney Crosby make it far into the playoffs, if not win the Stanley Cup? Crosby is one of the most marketable players in hockey right now and a Stanley Cup win or other national exposure could possibly push him into the elite echelon of crossover athletes and some marketable endorsement deals. How many hockey players endorse any national products right now? The only thing I can think of is Gatorade.

- Good to see Madison Square Garden hosting some playoff action. Must be a relief to the MSG workers to not have to change the place around for Knicks playoff games. I haven't said that phrase in while.

- Speaking of the aforementioned Gatorade advertising, can we please stop using O Fortuna in commercials, movies, and other pop culture? According to Urban Dictionary.com, "it has been used in popular movies such as Jackass: The Movie, The Hunt for Red October, and Natural Born Killers", as well as The Doors, numerous WWE commercials, a Capitol One credit card commercial, and a beer ad. If I was so inclined, I could probably put together a top 10 list of O Fortuna uses. But I am lazy. Like anyone that uses O Fortuna.

- When was the last time there was a decent hockey movie? And don't say The Mighty Ducks. Ok, maybe the Mystery, Alaska flick. That wasn't bad.

- In tonight's Pittsburgh-New York game, the Rangers outshot the Penguins 39 to 17, yet still lost 5 to 3. Imagine if an NBA team took twice as many shots as their opponent. Then imagine they still lost by nearly double the score. I'm not crunching the numbers because I am too lazy, but I would guess basketball might be the only sport in which the attempts to score are generally even. In football, one team can control the ball and get double the amount of yards as their opponent and still lose. In baseball, although the amount of outs are the same per team, one team can put double the amount of runners in scoring position or get double the amount of hits and still lose. Something to think about.

The Serious Tip's Interview with a Presidential Candidate

Every four years, Americans are given a choice. A choice that determines who will represent them and lead their nation. Unfortunately, like the Disney Empire's ESPN-led monopoly on popular sports news, the leading American presidential candidates are often pre-determined by media conglomerates and corporate interests.

Similar to sports bloggers and other creative fans attempting to breach the ESPN hegemony, many frustrated Americans have announced their candidacy and are running in the 2008 US Presidential Election. Like bloggers, these independent candidates are using every platform available in an attempt to break the mainstream media's stranglehold on popular candidate selection.

With the common goal of giving the masses an alternate option, it is only natural that bloggers should extend their small corner of the Internet to independent presidential candidates. After finding a complete list of candidates on Politics1.com, The Serious Tip contacted local Florida candidate Mark B. Graham and asked for an interview. Mr. Graham was kind enough to respond.

The Serious Tip: Who is Mark Graham?

Mark B. Graham: Well, Mark Graham is 47, lives in Florida over 30 years. Married with 3 loving children. And was a youth coach in football and baseball in Okeechobee. Goes to the Methodist church. Also he is a hard working man who loves hobbies like fishing, hunting, and playing golf.

TST: Why run for president?

MBG: The reason I am running for President: I am tired of the Republicans and Democrats parties saying they are for every American in the United States. My Vision as an independent president: get elected by and serving you the American voters, not the political parties. My goal is to help the people of the United States.

TST: What did you have to do to become a candidate?

MBG: Well, first i had to meet the requirments of becoming president

The age of 36 and older

Born in the United States

Then I wrote to (FEC) Federal Election Commission and requested form STATEMENT OF CANDIDACY fill out and return to FEC

TST: What are your expectations as we enter the last few months before the election?

MBG: My expectations the last few months before are to get the word out about my campaign and show the people of the United States there is a third choice for President that can cover all the issues to work toward a better America.

TST: What type of campaigning have you done?

MBG: Well I have Campaign on the World Wide Web. Also have done a few radio shows also signs and fliers (ed note: Mark B. Graham is also on YouTube and Myspace.)

TST: What has been your biggest challenge?

MBG: Well my biggest challenges in 2008 is the Media. They dont want to give full coverage all the Candidates running for President in 2008.

TST: Being that I have written quite a bit on sports, what is your position on sports-related political issues such as steroid abuse in baseball, the Olympics in China, etc?

MBG: I feel that as a nation we try to show the world we are the best in sports and we must strive not to get a black eye from people striving to make money from steroid use in Baseball and Football. As one of the Nations around this world the Olympics is for the best athletes.

TST: Have you yet decided on a running mate?

MBG: No, not yet

TST: How can someone join the Mark Graham movement?

MBG: Well there is many ways to join the Mark Graham movenment. First www.markbgraham2008.com or you can e-mail me at markbgraham2008@yahoo.com.

Please remember to sign my petition on my web site www.markbgraham2008.com.

TST: Who are you going to vote for in November?

MBG: Mark B. Graham

Blogger Point/ Counterpoint - The NFL Draft

The NFL Draft is on right now.

There were years the draft would be my weekend. I'd wake up, watch the draft, go out, drink, come home at around 3 am, wake up, watch the rest of the draft, eat pizza and chicken wings, and call it a good weekend.

This year, I am abstaining. I am watching the NBA and NHL playoffs instead.

So who watches the draft, and who doesn't?

This week I read two convincing posts from the sports blogosphere about the pros and cons of the NFL draft.

(ed. note: I just realized "pros" and "cons" could also apply to many draft picks [ex. Mike Vick, Chris Henry, Pacman Jones, etc.] throughout the years. Get it? They became pros on draft day and turned into cons. Ah, what do you know from funny? Anyway ...)

On Thursday, Big Daddy Drew of Kissing Suzy Kolber cameoed on Deadspin.com with a post entitled "If You Don't Like The NFL Draft, You Can Suck It: Your NFL Draft Jamboroo". BDD claims the draft is a needed oasis during a long NFL offseason, a way football fans can ease their collective football jonesing.

The next day, Daft Punk of Thunder Matt's Saloon labeled the NFL Draft "overrated" in his post "Overrated: The NFL Draft".

According to Daft Punk, the most overrated aspect of the NFL Draft is ESPN's Mel Kiper, Jr. Punk calls him "one-trick pony" who's entire existance depends on ESPN's over-hyping of the draft. Daft also mentions that Kiper is way too conservative in his analysis, claiming,

"Mel Kiper Jr. just continues to play it safe, never truly criticizing any players or making outrageous predictions that would make the draft much more enjoyable".

Big Daddy Drew, on the other hand, writes Kiper is one of the best things about the draft. BDD writes,

"After my team drafts a player, I rely on Mel to get me properly excited about his prospects. And what he needs to work on! What's that, Mel? He's got great agility? NICE. Excellent lateral movement? Fucking double nice. Bit of a tweener? Oh, I don't like the sound of that. But he's explosive off the edges?! (creams jeans)

The fact that the draft is on all weekend is also a point of contention between Daft Punk and Big Daddy Drew. According to BDD,

"Okay, so the whole thing drags a bit. So flip over to something else for a bit. Check out the day's token Horrible, Early Eastern Conference Playoff Game. Or watch a flick. Or go to the gym. When you're back, there'll only have been three new picks! You didn't miss jack shit. Draft weekend means there's always something interesting to tune into. You can season the rest of your TV watching with bits of draft from here and there."

For Daft Punk, length isn't always a good thing.

"Admit it. You don't watch the whole draft. Even the most hardcore fans don't watch more than the first round. I'm like most people. If I do watch, it's usually just until my favorite team picks, and then I'm on my way to enjoy the rest of my Saturday. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that if 100 football fans were polled and asked if they cared about the entire draft or just when their favorite team was picking, 98 of them would say they only cared about their own team. And maybe you watch it because someone from your alma mater may be picked, and that's cool too. But other than that, there really is no reason to watch the draft live, especially if your team doesn't have a top pick. Just log onto ESPN on Sunday night and check out the results there. I know that looking at a box score is not the same as actually watching a baseball game, but with something as long and boring and drawn out as the draft is, it makes more sense to go out and enjoy your weekend and check in on the draft later."

Check out both of these guys' posts for more point/ counterpoint about the NFL Draft. Great stuff.

So who's right? Is the NFL Draft overrated? Or does the draft serve purpose as a key fix for NFL fans who don't get any sporting action between the end of the Super Bowl in February and the opening of NFL training camps in July?

My guess is that today Daft Punk is probably drinking beer, watching the Cubs, and celebrating Thunder Matt's Saloon's second birthday. Big Daddy Drew, on the other hand, is probably likewise drinking beer, but is likely somehow involved in the KSK family's NFL Draft LiveBlog 2008.

As long as there is copious amounts of beer being drank, to each his own I guess.

Those other Molina brothers, my favorite bowler, vehicular hijinx, and other stuff

During the last five years or so, Major League Baseball has been invaded by a plethora of Molinas. Between Benji, Jose, and Yadier "F'in" Molina, hardly a game goes by without a Molina in a box score. They are like the old Alous.

Now Molinas are invading Olympic boxing. Via Intersections (via Global Voices Online) comes the story of twin brothers Javier and Oscar Molina, both of whom will be competing in the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.

Here is the twist: Javier will be boxing for the U.S and Oscar will be representing Mexico. Because they aren't in the same weight class, however, there will not be the possibility of an all-Molina battle for the gold. But there could be two Molinas winning medals.

Yet the question remains: can the catching Molinas and the boxing Molinas overcome the world-wide popularity of Alfred Molina, the actor best known as Spiderman 2's Dr. Otto Octavious a.k.a Dr. Octopus a.k.a. Doc Ock?

In other news, I have a favorite bowler. Not only did Chris Loschetter graduate from the same university as I did (in the same year!) but he originally hails from my hometown.

Speaking of other greats from Melbourne, FL, tonight I am going to see the illustrious Tim Wakefield pitch against the Rays. Just wanted to flutter that one by you.

Get it? Flutter? Knuckleball? Wakefield?

Oy. What do you know from funny?

For those wanting current events: a bunch of hockey, basketball, and baseball games were played. I did in fact watch some of the games. I can unequivocally assert that those teams that scored more points won. Those with less points we declared the losers. To the winners went the spoils and to the losers went the agony of defeat.

It happens.

Random fact: 12% of Russia's iron and steel industry is still concentrated in Sverdlovsk Oblast.

And just in case you thought that Kobe Bryant car commercial and its numerous spin-offs were hot, just remember, the Dancing Baby did the same shtick 10 years ago. Ain't nothing changed but the names.

The Great Jordi has spoken on this, the 25th of April, 2008.

Cursing Andy Sonnanstine

I am still catching up with some of the weekend happenings, so this is a little late, but I couldn't resist some deep baseball statistical analysis.

Rays pitcher Andy Sonnanstine has pitched four games this year. He is 2-1 with a 5.55 ERA. He has given up 25 hits in 24.1 innings pitched, walked only four, and opponents are hitting .263 against him.

In his four starts, Sonnanstine won his first and his most recent. Three of these starts have been at Tropicana Field. At home, Sonnanstine has a 5.40 ERA, allowing 11 runs in 18.1 innings. Despite early struggles, in his most recent start, Sonnanstine threw a complete game three-hit shutout against the White Sox.

So what was different between his latest home start and his earlier home outings? Did something magically click?

I don't think so.

You want my theory?

I've been two games at Tropicana Field this year. Both were started by Andy Sonnanstine and were Rays losses. In the two games I've attended, Sonnanstine has allowed 16 hits, 4 home runs, and 11 earned runs in 12.1 innings.

In the game I didn't go to, Sonnanstine threw a complete game shutout.

Even more coincidental, I had tickets to Sonnanstine's latest start but gave them away before I went out of town for the weekend.

I know it's a small sample set, but thus far, Sonnanstine has an 8.18 JSiA ERA (Jordi Scrubbings in Attendance Earned Run Average). His JSiA OBA (Jordi Scrubbings in Attendance Opponents' Batting Average) is .340. His non-JSiA ERA is 2.40 and opponents' are only hitting .173 in non-JSiA situations.

Unfortunately, I think we are into pattern status. I give myself one more Sonnanstine start at the Trop before I admit I am officially Andy Sonnanstine's personal jinx.

The Return of a Knicks Nation refugee

Pardon my lateness, but for the last four days I was far from communications, wandering deep in the mountains of the land of coal and steel. Only today did I hear the joyous news.

All praise due to St. Patrick, St. Walt, and St. Willis!

We have been liberated!

In the words of the Great Joey, we have been delivered!

And now it is time for me to say goodbye to a life of loneliness. To share bittersweet farewells with those other disenfranchised fans I have befriended since my vagabond days began.

Yet I cannot disguise my joy. Finally I can go home.

Three long years have passed since I started my boycott. And now it's over. The Reign of Terror has passed.

My only fear is that from his token post the tyrant Thomas does not have the power to purge those who opposed his rule.

I go home tentively, but with the confidence that I can now have optimism. I can care. I can sing, I can dance, and I can praise without the heartcrushing depression that has seized my homeland for years.

So now it is our turn to rebuild. To make our nation once again the crown jewel of the NBA. For us to rise up and cheer louder than we ever have.

For the era of darkness is over.

Praise be to St. Patrick, St. Willis, and St. Walt!

See some of my past correspondences here:

April 10th, 2008.

January 8, 2008.

December 4th, 2008.

December 2, 2008.

"I don't make money, money make me" and other pearls of wisdom

In light of the Washington Post firing Kissing Suzy Kolber blogger Michael Tunison, aka "Christmas Ape", because he "outed" himself as a blogger, I was most surprised by one particular comment. According to Michael David Smith of AOL Fanhouse, "Tunison says at KSK that he can make the same income he was getting at the Post by writing for KSK".

Really?

No way.

Is there that much money floating around that a growing number of people can actually make a living as sports bloggers?

Seriously, that boggles the mind, like trying to catch up to a bottle of Heinz.

You mean I could possibly make money doing this?

With the economy going down the crapper, people around the world rioting in the streets just get a bite to eat, and the price of gas costing the sacrifice of your first born, someone might actually pay me a significant amount to write sarcastic comments about sports?

Now I've been sarcastic my whole life and have been blogging for over a year and half. You know how much I have made on these talents?

Not one red cent.

So with that said, best of luck to ol' Christmas Ape. If all else fails, I'm sure he can find a couch to crash on amongst the KSK family.

In other news ...

Governments in foreign countries like to ban things, like the Simpsons. (Global Voices Online)

Jimi Hendrix - the playing card mosiac. (CNN.com)

10 Reasons why Shea Stadium is better than that other New York stadium. (10 Spot Blog)

Like Socrates, women in Iran like baseball. (Global Voices Online) See pics here. (Shirzanan.com)

In closing, a sad story out of the blues music world. Blues singer/ guitarist Sean Costello has passed away at the age of 28. There aren't that many young blues players and with the older generation getting smaller and smaller, the loss of any bluesperson is a tragic one, especially when they are talented as Costello. (World Music Central) See Costello's Myspace here.

The Great Jordi has spoken on this, the 18th day of April, 2008.

Busbee v. Scrubbings 2: Electric Bugaloo

While I am still not done gathering my stuff from YaySports!, I figured I would pass the time with another important pubic service announcement:

Oops, wait. Oh no, YouTube, you're playing the wrong message.

Anyway, myself and the illustrious Jay Busbee of Atlanta Magazine.com's Right Down Peachtree, his own Sports Gone South, Yahoo! Sports' From the Marbles, and countless other places, are throwing down the gauntlet for yet another bet. Like last year, we are wagering one exceptionally written post on the rival's site that our team will win the season series versus the other's preferred group of athletic competitors.

In other words, if the Mets beat the Braves more times than the Braves beat the Mets, you will see Jay Busbee on yet another site (this one). But if the Braves beat the Mets more than the Mets beat the Braves, my loquacious literary libations will magically materialize at a potentially peculiar place.

Oh yeah, the loser's subject: "the most intriguing player (in the history of) the other guy's team".

Now the Braves have had some weirdos. Just keeping it in Atlanta, the early odds on favorite is definitely Pascual Perez.

Site Maintenance: Please excuse my mess

My most humble apologies. For the last few days I have been copying over my many posts from Yaysports!NBA to The Serious Tip. Although it is a time consuming process and will cause chaos to your RSS feed, I wanted to save these posts for archival purposes. With The Cavalier doing who-knows-what to his site in preparation for the release of his film Who Shot Mamba?, I figured it best to clean my junk off of his site and put it on here.

For those interested in re-living the past, or for those who missed out on the Yaysports! Jordi era, you can read all my past goodness by clicking here.

Mired in Deep Thought with Chrosh Kamildress

Apparently there are people out there who are uninquisitive. People who don't like thinking. People who are willing to accept the world as it is. People who don't ask why. People who don't drink Bud Dry.

Those people probably shouldn't read any further.

For the rest of you, I had an epiphany the other day that I want to share. Actually, it was more of a question or dilemma or a ponderance. Whatever.

Has anyone yet researched who the best baseball fielders are in pressure situations? We often hear that Team A has a XYZ batting average in late inning pressure situations (LIPS), but we never hear what player or team plays the best defense in the same situations, which would, of course, effect the aforementioned batting average of Team A.

Assuming players are slightly more likely to let a ball drop with no outs and no one on base, it would stand to reason that in pressure situations, fielders are more "on their toes", which in turn may increase "range factor". Or perhaps the opposite is true and certain players freeze up under pressure.

Although I don't suspect every player turns into Bill Buckner with the game on the line, I would not be surprised to find a slight variance in fielding metrics dependent on the number of outs in an inning or how many runners are on base. Digging deeper, this could also show what individual runners effect the defense the most while they are on base.

Just something I thought of. If someone has figured this out already, please send me a link. I'm curious.

Anyway, on to less analytical, brain-taxing subjects:

I faced a major decision Sunday night: do I watch Return of the Jedi on Spike or the Yankees vs. the Red Sox on ESPN? I figured either way I would get my daily dose of an Evil Empire.

And just in case you aren't excited enough between the upcoming NBA playoffs and the ongoing NHL playoffs, the D-League playoffs start April 15th. So file an extension, or pull a Pete Rose and don't file at all, and watch Rod Benson and his Dakota Wizards take on the Sioux Falls Skyforce and former Florida State Seminole Michael Joiner.

By the way, am the only one who secretly yearns for Josh Childress and Chris Kaman to join Kobe and Shaq, Kevin Garnett and LeBron, and Chris Paul and Dwight Howard in the split-face NBA commercials?

The Great Jordi has spoken on this, the 13th day of April, 2008.

The Latest Dispatch from a Knicks Nation Refugee

Fool-la-la-la

This is the song that we sing when someone says Isiah will be forgiven someday.

Fool-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Much has transpired since I last corresponded. I've been out west in some desert land. I've been north of Alaska. You know nothing of this if they ask ya.

Over 1,000 days have past since I last set foot in Knicks Nation. For nearly three years, I have neither watch a game, nor rooted, nor cheered, nor concerned myself with the well-being of my favorite basketball team. Unfortunately however, what I have seen is many of my dear friends and Knicks Nation family be emotionally tormented and destroyed by the evil manical reign of Isiah Thomas.

As I mentioned once before, along my travels I have encountered other teamless fans who consider themselves refugees from their nations. One such fan, a former native of Clipper Nation, has become somewhat a partner of mine. Together we have raided the camps of many new refugees from Heat Nation. I'll admit, old grudges die hard. And you should see my new Jimmy Buffett CD collection.

Alas, there is word my days without a home may soon come to an end. I may no longer have to walk that lonely highway east of Omaha. According to reports, the Knicks have hired a new President. Unfortunately, the Honorable Mr. Walsh has not yet decided whether or not to remove the evil tyrant Thomas from his throne.

Please Mr. Walsh. For all that is holy on St. Walt, St. Willis, and the newly annointed St. Patrick, please fire Isiah Thomas so I can come home.

To quote the immortal patriot Sgt. Slaughter, I want my country back.

Why President Bush NEEDS to go to the Olympics

A lot of people are making a big deal about the Olympics being held in China. And with good reason. There is much to be said about the Chinese government and their position on internal freedoms and basic human rights. Not to mention their position on international issues such as the tragedy in Sudan.

That said, although I could care less about the running of the torch and the protestant actions therein, there is one aspect of the anti-China rhetoric that I vehemently disagree with. Quite a few folks in the last few days have come forth and proclaimed that President Bush should forgo the Olympic Opening Ceremonies in Beijing because of the actions of the Chinese government. This would be an enormous mistake.

Although I am far from a fan of President Bush and I do agree with several of his "opponents" on many issues, boycotting the opening ceremonies is a ridiculous idea. Besides the fact that it would likely have no effect on the future actions of the Chinese government, it is a slap in the face to all those American athletes who have trained for years, if not their whole lives, to represent their country in the 2008 Summer Olympics.

Contrary to what some people think, having the President go to Beijing does not validate Chinese actions in Tibet, Darfur, or anywhere else. What it does do is tell the hundreds, if not thousands of American athletes that their country is behind them. Because if the President, who is the utmost representive of the People, doesn't support the athletes, then who will?

Pakeem Ewinajuwon is a Hall of Famer

This post originally appeared on Yaysports!.

(Jordi back. What happened to Cobra? Looks like he abandoned you as well.)

Something about Springfield, Massachusetts brings back memories of long-forgotten springs and winters of brisk, white Christmases. I remember walking along Lake Haychtoo-Oh during my years of solitude, pondering man's place in society and deliberating nature's true meaning. It was very Zen. Very beautiful.

Then they built that Hall of Fame building in my utopia. In came the people, the crowds, their bouncey-balls, and their squeaky-sneakers. I have never been back.

On September 4th, 2008 this will change.

I will journey back to that once-prestine spot to watch my childhood idol join the ranks of the famous and the glorified. As a Knicks fan, I am proud to say I cheered him through the thick and the thin, through sick times and in health, 'till a dumb trade did we part.

Curse you, Scott Layden. A pox on your whole family.

Glen Rice? Bah.

Luc Longley? Bah.

Our warriors live in our memories in no uniform but our own.

A beleagued congratulations is also in order to The Dream. Another great warrior. One who outdueled us at our finest moment. A tip of the cap to you, sir.

Also to Dickie V., although you can't been seen with Hooters girls, you can be seen in the highest company of those involved in the game. A giant among men. I drink to you, sir.

But to that other coach, that rat who jumped ship at our time of glory, I say boo!

Your championship run should have lived. Until you coached another. Coach VG saved her and brought her to another championship, after you treated her like garbage. And that's what you are, the Coach of Refuse.

So honor him if you want, bow to him. Bow to the Coach of Slime, the Coach of Filth, the Coach of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.

That is all.

We're on a world tour: LA, Jordan, Lebanon, Angola

One of the more interesting posts I've read all week (besides my own) came from the always loquacious MC Bias (or is it McBias?). Ol' MC Bias pondered on the merits of Blogger Burnout - that feeling you get by writing about the same thing over and over and over again. Especially on a solo independent blog, when responses and feedback are limited. My solution is as many others do, to vary it up. Talk about what else is on my mind. Today you are getting one of those posts.

-- First, out of LA, comes the only semi-sports related topic of the day: according to The Washington Post via Fanhouse, Kobe Bryant has taken to expressing his discontent with the NBA refs by cursing in foreign tongues.

Way back in my military days, I did a tour in Bosnia-Herzegovina. While there, I learned a few Serbo-Croatian words and phrases. The only one I remember now is jebi ga. I guarantee Kobe has said this during a game.

According to Richard Schneider's article on Serbian communication,

"a Serbian epithet does not always translate to blasphemy. Take Jebi ga for instance, probably the most frequently used phrase in the language. It is interchangeably used to express a scornful 'fuck him ,' or a horrified 'you-don't-say' or a resigned 'oh well…shit happens.'

The prevailing meaning is only discernible by the tone of voice ..."

Jebi ga's "versatility" means referees would not only have to know what it meant, but have to determine Kobe's intent in saying the word before taking appropriate action.

Nobody ever said Kobe was stupid.

-- Speaking of brilliant, check out Jordanian Queen Rania Al Abdullah's YouTube VLog. Not only is Queen Rania totally beautiful, but she is trying to make a difference. And using YouTube to spread her message means she understands the way the world is going.

-- On a light-hearted note, remember President Screwb's Perri-air? Well, a marketing genius in Lebanon is trying to sell native air to Lebanese living abroad.

Apparently, this is one of the things Lebanese like. Yes, that page has links to what white people, Arabs, black people, Asians, etc. like.

-- Finally, check out the most depressing, yet uplifting, beauty pageant in the world: Angola's Miss Landmine pageant.

Last week, 31 year old Agusta Urica, was named Miss Landmine 2008. Unlike American pageants, Miss Landmine means a world of difference to the winning contestant. Whereas those who don't win Miss USA still have a plethera of opportunity, the same can not be said for the runners-up in Miss Landmine. Many of the contestants, Urica included, come to the contest unemployed, lacking education, and because of the plague of landmines across Angola, are forced to live with physical handicaps such as truncated legs or arms, etc.

So best of luck to Agusta Urica. And hopefully sometime in the future, Miss Landmine will run out of contestants.

That's about it for the day. Remember, I am live and well and blogging twice a week or so on YaySports!NBA. Go check that out as well.

And if you don't, jebi ga.

NBA superstars do not live on Endor

This post originally appeared on YaySports!.

(Jordi has rocked for a long, long time. He has written posts of wildebeests and angels. He has soared on the wings of a demon.)

One of the disadvantages of living in the South is I often get outvoted at my local sports-watching establishments. Yesterday, for example, I strolled into my local sports bar and said "Barkeep, put on the Magic-Cavaliers, please." And so it was done.

Until it was undone by a gaggle of people who love watching cars go in circles.

They outvoted me. So I failed to see much of the game. When I finally returned home, it was over. Done. Fini.

But after reading about it, I was left with one question: How does LeBron and Dwight Howard score a combined 21 points? 21 points. That does not make any sense. 21 points? Two super-duperstars? Combined? That's like Wookies living on Endor. It does not make sense.

I am trying to figure this out. Two of the NBA's most high-flying, high-scoring, convoluted, non-disputed air-apparents scored 21 points. Total. In one game. Against each other.

Chewbacca could score 21 points. By himself. Against the Ewoks. On Endor.

But why would a Wookie live on Endor?

On a related note, you may have read about some really bad attempts at music on other sites, but this may be the worst song I have ever heard. About Chewbacca. Chewbacca.

Tying it all together: Marc McNamara. See now if I was a writer of a movie, I would definitely make a role for one of the coolest people in the word.

Now this post makes sense.

In conclusion, readers of this supposed post, what if I told you that Shaq was once coached by a wookie from Kashyyyk? Would that make sense?

The defense rests.

Is the NCAA handling Hooters unfairly?

I don't normally listen to sports radio. Today however I tuned in and heard something that really tweaked my melon. The NCAA, the same people that brought sports the BCS standings, has pulled a Hooters ad from the NCAA Basketball Final Four Official Tournament Program. According to a Hooters of America press release, the NCAA objected to the image of a Hooters girl in the advertisement.

Granted, in the press release Hooters admits being warned that the NCAA might not allow them to advertise in 2008, and that 2007 might be their last year in the program. Not surprisingly, however, Hooters received no word prior to the submission of the ad that the ad would not be allowed nor did they receive a reason why.

So Hooters went ahead and submitted their ad. And it was pulled.

Unless the NCAA has become the new moral police, I see nothing wrong with the ad in question, which features Hooters model Sara Hoots and basketball personality Dick Vitale (seen here). Is NCAA pulling the "objectification of women" card on Hooters? If so, are they also banning suggestive dance team routines at college games? Or perhaps they are removing cheerleaders? Maybe even pole vaulting?

Once again, the NCAA continues to defy the laws of logic.

On a local note, the Women's Final Four is being held this weekend in the St. Pete Times Forum. Less than a quarter mile away from the forum is an entertainment complex called Channelside featuring several clubs, bars, and, of course, a Hooters. According to the sports radio show I was listening to, many of the Channelside establishments are courting the incoming tourists, with four of the bars even proclaiming themselves as "headquarters" for each of the respective teams.

So what about the Channelside Hooters? Can they advertise the Final Four in an attempt to draw in tourist dollars? Are they prohibited from mentioning the NCAA? Hopefully they don't have to use the ridiculous "See the Big Game Here" phrase.

Wouldn't it be great if the team that wins the tournament chooses to have their victory celebration just a short jaunt down the road at Hooters?

If I was Hooters of America, I would let them eat for free.

Xavier Nady will win MVP and other stuff you should believe

I love this part of the baseball season. Not only is it the start of the spring and hope springing eternal, blah, blah, blah, but people can say the craziest things based on what has happened already. Baseball may be the only sport that people can make the wildest predictions based on the smallest samples. For example, did you know:

Pirates outfielder Xavier Nady is on pace to hit 108 home runs and drive home 378 runs?

or

Astros outfielder Michael Bourn is going to steal 162 bases, but only hit .182?

You heard it hear first.

On to some things you didn't hear first here, but I am going to repeat because they bear repeating (all brought to you by the letter "O").

Down goes Pedro. (MetsBlog)

I'm glad I saw Velvet Revolver while Scott Weiland was still with the band. They put on a great show. Oh, there he goes, he goes, he goes. (HardRock Hideout)

Back in the day, the Phillies had a guy named Rambo. (Baseball Reference)

Picked up a few CDs at the store today: new Sevendust, Gabriela y Rodrigo, the Fugees' classic The Score, and new Black Crowes.

Method Man tells the youth to stay in school or he'll beat their ass, yo. (Grandgood)

In Uruguay, they are planning the world's largest BBQ. Over 12,000 kilograms of meat. That's 26,455 pounds. Or 13 tons of meat. And isn't that the place where you can't get extradited from? And they cook tons of BBQ? Away I go to Montevideo! (Global Voices Online)

And finally, 'tis a sad day, Peter Tom "P.T." Willis is out after 12 years as FSU radio color man. No more "I see ya (player name)" after a big play. That sucks. I liked P.T. Willis. Boo-hoo. (Andrew Carter's Chopping Block)

Ok, enough random babble. Yo soy finito.

The Return Has Begun

This post originally appeared on Yaysports!.

(Jordi here with a big announcement.)

For the last few months all the blogosphere has been held in suspense by one man. One man who has vowed to make the world more interesting. To involve the denizens of the Internet in ways never done before. A man of immense creativity, skill, and rambling logic.

People of YaySports, your wait is over. The messiah (little m, of course) has returned.

Please, be calm. Don’t start a riot like the Rashard Lewis fans at Medival Times.

(To be honest, that cracked me up. I’m not laughing that people got hurt or anything. But I’ve been to that Medival Times several times. The last time I was there I bought a morning star - a real spiked ball and chain. I would have wrecked a few people in a riot. Hopefully, Medival Times stopped selling real weapons.)

But anyway, about this return thing. Yeah, He is back. The rest of the blogosphere needs to bow down.

Be prepared, because everyone is going to make a big deal about this. I’m not. This is all you will read about it.

So there.

In other news, I watched the Mavs-Warriors game. Yeah, totally disappointed. I was like, score Golden State, score. Or at least grab a rebound.

I’m on the outside, I’m looking in. I can see through you. See your true colors. Because inside your ugly. Ugly like me. I can see through you. See to the real you.

Right now Golden State is not making the playoffs. That could change tomorrow. The whole Western Conference is all jumbled up. The first could be last, and the last could be first - or something like that. And some team who could finish ahead of all the teams in the East will be out of the playoffs.

Ok? What’s the big deal?

If I was that team - the team that doesn’t make the playoffs in the West but still is good enough to win a bunch of games, I study every player in the NCAA Tournament, Europe, Argentina, Iceland, or wherever fine basketball is played and get myself a killer draft pick. As the other teams in the West are beating themselves up in the playoffs, Team X (the greatest non-playoff team of all-time) is already preparing to improve themselves with a lottery pick.
And they will make the playoffs the next year and be even better.

Do I have to think of everything?

Oh by the way, in case you are confused - HE is Agent Zero. You weren’t expecting anyone else, were you?

Happy Day After April Fool's Day

'Tis the day after April Fool's Day. I'm not sure what that means, only today is the day you are not supposed to feel stupid over the things that people made you look stupid about yesterday. Like, did you know we never actually landed on the moon? Or that prominent FSU site Scalp'Em.com is now a ticket re-sale site? Or that National Geographic has Paris Hilton on the cover? Or what if I said Jeff Treadway was Jay Busbee's Greatest Atlanta Brave of all time?

Ha ha ha. The jibberidy-jabberjaw jabbing at my funny bone. Now put your jokes away until next year.

On a more serious note, I face a dillemma. I could go the Women's NCAA Final Four this weekend here in Tampa or .... I could do anything else.

Honestly, I'm not sure if I should go out and experience the Tampa nightlife anymore, I might get pee'd on.

True story: one spring break I met up with a bunch of friends (from the great Illinois band Alternate End) in Panama City Beach. Anyway, another guy we knew got drunk and pee'd on the leg of a girl who wouldn't dance with him at the club. His rationale: he had to pee. I guess you can't argue with that logic, in a sick, disturbing way.

Speaking of sick and disturbing: a couple of bad-ass links from MTV's Headbanger's Blog:

Click here if you like sick and twisted videos of Vikings and Gothic warriors chopping heads and female vampires cleaning up the mess.

Here is a Frenchman with an accordian and Metallica fetish. Very interesting.

Oh and finally, baseball stat god/ idol of number-crunching baseball fans everywhere, Bill James answers a ton of questions over at the Freakonomics blog. He is smart.

Marlins, schmarlins.

The end.