Saturday, January 31, 2009

Adventures in a Super Bowl City: Part 2 - Bow Wow Wonderland

(Continued from Part 1 of Adventures in a Super Bowl City.)

When we last left our hero, he was wandering the soggy streets of Tampa, absorbing the enthusiastic insanity of the 2009 Super Bowl.

Scene 1: A Friday. The tide has changed. What was once a beign tourist movement has become an invasion. Although the influx of Steeler Faithful outnumbers the Cardinal Crew by nearly 100 to 1, both parties have taken over our hero's city, leaving him to be a pawn in the great game of advertising promotions and drunken revelers.

Our hero yearns to have his city back.

Setting: The mythical land of Bow Wow Wonderland. Similar to Donald Duck in Mathmagic Land (three part refresher: One, Two, and Three), our hero is lost, with only his wits to guide him.

"Mighty strange," our hero says as he enters the bacchanalian complex.

Our hero is approached by four carnival giants, who together speak with one mind, each only saying one word of a sentence. Our hero is forced to put the giants in the correct order to find his way.

"Go to the BootyVille," they instruct our hero.

Scene 2: BootyVille. An area within Bow Wow Wonderland, BootyVille's inhabitants are stuck in a rhythmic trance. They are unable to stop their movements, gyrating, twisting, and turning until the break of dawn. There are also many worshippers in BootyVille, all of whom are also in a trance, unable to stop staring at the inhabitants, transfixed by their hypnotic moneymakers.

The dancing inhabitants speak in a vibrating rhythmic cadence. They tell our hero that he must visit the Highizzle Chiefizzle of Bow Wow Wonderlandizzle, Snoopizzle D-O-Double Gizzle. Only the High Chief knows how our hero can make his city safe and stop the invading hordes.

Scene 3: The Temple of the High Chief. The High Chief is not unlike The Who's Tommy, with his ability to sing insightful life lessons in front of the thousands who flock to hear his words. The High Chief knows of the ways of the street, the ways of the ladies, and the sweet science of hydroponics.

Our hero asks the High Chief how he can reclaim his city. The High Chief responds by singing three important lines.

First, "It ain't no fun if the homies can't have none."

Second, "baby boy looks just like you".

Third, "the princess was starin, while holdin a drank / Reflected from her eyes was gold tank
She waved her hands like, 'Hello! Hi!' / Then gave another gesture like, 'Come here, guy!'

Enlightened, our hero finds his way out of Bow Wow Wonderland, knowing what he has to do to save his beloved city. But he does not have much time.

Check out the exciting conclusion in Part 3 of Adventures in a Super Bowl City!

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