Grapefruit League Tour Stop 1: Twins at Yankees, Tampa, Fla.

The first leg of this year's Spring Training tour took me to George M. Steinbrenner Field in Tampa, Florida. For whatever reason, even though this is the closest park to my place, I had never been to The George.

(Note: They don't actually call it "The George". I made that up.)

Before I begin, however, I have to say that the ticket office at Steinbrenner Field is incredibly rude. That's a whole other story in itself, but suffice to say, I went to get a ticket the day before the game and they did not give me a good first impression. So if you ever go, you have been warned.

Another note: limited bicycle parking (read: none). Because Steinbrenner Field is so close (appx 5-6 miles) from my place, I decided to ride my bike. It had been a while, so need some exercise. Not a bad ride, except for the fact that a few spokes broke on my wheel and I had to walk the bike home. But again, that's a whole other story. So anyway, I had to lock my bike to a handicap parking sign and have a security guard promise he would watch it. At least someone at The George is customer friendly.

Before I get to the game itself, I want to pitch an idea to each and every concession stand at each and every event (sports, concerts, etc): SELL BATTERIES! I took two pictures before my camera ran out of juice. I was not going home to get more batteries. I was ready to dish out whatever the cost to take more pics, but they don't sell batteries at The George. Their loss.

Ok, the game: Twins v. Yankees.

Starting pitchers: Francisco Liriano (Min) vs. Joba Chamberlain (NY)

(By the way, what is the official pronunciation of "Joba"? Is it "JOE-BA" or "JOB-A"?)

Today's lineups had the usual spring flavor. The Yankees were playing most of their starters, save for Jorge Posada. The Twins featured far less big names, as neither Justin Morneau nor Joe Mauer played. But they did play Delmon Young and the great Nick Punto, who in 2007 was 23.4 calculated runs worse than a replacement-level player (that's baseball geek-speak for "he was beyond terrible").

To use the cliche, the Twins struck early and often, posting 2 runs in the first, 1 in the second, and 3 in the third. Whether prescribed or not, Joba lasted only 1 inning. The Yankees matched the Twins through the first two innings, but fell behind 6-3 after 3.

Sidenote: I've come to the conclusion that jeering A-Rod and the rest of baseball's Steroid Squad (another term I made up), is a lot like jeering a pro wrestling heel. One of the most common accusations a "bad guy" wrestler gets is that he is a "cheater". The biggest difference, however, is that when the heel chokes his opponent, it is part and parcel of the show. A-Rod's steroid dalliance, on the other hand, was more than an act, it was a slap in the face to baseball. And so, to paraphrase "The Princess Bride",

Jordi: Boo. Boo. Boo.

Alex Rodriguez: Why do you do this?

Jordi: Because you had greatness in your hands, and you gave it up.

Alex Rodriguez: But they would have ignored me if I hadn't done it.

Jordi: Your true ability lives. And you scarred it. True ability allowed him to be great before, and he treated it like garbage. And that's what he is, the King of Garbage. So bow down to him if you want, bow to him. Bow to the King of Sham, the King of Fraud, the King of Mockery. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.

Ok, one more sidenote: The George P.A. played The White Stripes's "Seven Nation Army" in the middle of the sixth. I wonder if they conveniently swiped it from the Rays, who were playing it every game towards the end of last season (credit for the idea goes to The Professor over at Rays Index).

Back to the game:

Twins won 7-4. Read about it there, I written too much and said too little. I'm done.

Next stop: Melbourne Viera.

Jordi's Grapefruit League Tour 2009

Ah, springtime in Florida. It is that magical time between the brisk chilling hours of winter and the barely-there bikinis of summer. It is a time of perpetual 75-degree weather, before tourist season but after the snowbird exodus. It is a time for baseball. A time for warm-ups and wunderkinds, for reclamations and rejuvenations. And most importantly, it is time for another tour of the Grapefruit League.

So far I have visited seven different spring training facilities in the last two years. I have been to Clearwater (twice) to see the Phillies, Melbourne Viera to see the Nationals, Lakeland to see the Tigers, Sarasota to see the Reds, Dunedin to see the Blue Jays, Bradenton to see the Pirates, and Winter Haven to see the Indians.

Then, of course, there was my trip to the Trop to see the then-Devil Rays take on the Mets in an exhibition.

This year I intend on continuing this glorious tradition and visiting spring training facilities throughout Florida.

This year's itinerary should (no guarantees) include:

Pirates vs. Yankees in Tampa, Feb 28th

Mets vs. Nationals in Melbourne Viera, Mar 8th

Pirates vs. Rays in Port Charlotte, Mar 15th

Blue Jays vs. Twins in Fort Myers, Mar 22nd

Yankees vs. Braves in Lake Buena Vista, Mar 28th

Red Sox vs. Phillies at Clearwater, Mar 29th

That's six games and four more stadiums checked off the list. If I go to all these games, the only home teams I'll have yet to see are the Red Sox, Marlins, Cardinals, and Orioles.

Nothing beats springtime in Florida.

(Ok, the picture has nothing to do with spring training. But it's Julia Stiles and Mets baseball. It's the Reese Peanut Butter Cup of images.)

There is a Jordi sighting over at ESPN.com

One of the highest compliments a person can receive is to be called an expert. An expert is such a wealth of information on a particular subject that people come from near and far to learn from his or her wise words.

There aren't many things I admit to being an expert in. Really, there's not. To paraphrase the Diana Krall jazz song, I know a little bit about a lot of things, but I don't know enough about one.

Despite my modesty however, sports writer and long time friend of The Serious Tip Eric Angevine, best known around the blogosphere for his college hoops blog Storming the Floor, asked me for some insight about Spring Training in Florida for an article he was writing for ESPN.com.

Check out his article and my quote here:

Auction Block: Spring Training Edition

Too bad some teams aren't following through with the tradition I talked about, according to Darren Rovell of CNBC.

There is a Jordi sighting over at ScalpEm.com

I popped up at ScalpEm.com today to talk a little bit about how well Florida State's basketball teams are playing this season.

Little known fact: the combined in-conference record of the FSU men's and women's basketball teams is better than the more renown basketball programs at Duke University and the University of North Carolina.

If you are a fan of FSU or even just a fan of college hoops, please go check it out:

Florida State is the best basketball school in the ACC

In other news, expect posting to be a little light this week. I'm still going to hit my schedule, but there probably won't be anything major or extensively long. I am working on a few projects that I am sure will intrude into my normal blogging time. I will reveal them when the time is right.

P.S.: Pomp Culture is dead. Long live Thunder Matt's Saloon.

The need for Disney, Pharoahe Monch, Saddam's Nephew, the end of Shea Stadium, and a funny video from Mofro

A bunch of links for your Thursday enjoyment:

First, I wrote a must-read over at Pomp Culture: Why Disney Is The Key To Economic Recovery. In summary, I say Disney must play an essential role in brainwashing women to spend again.

Second, from the check-out-my-buying-prowess-department, I recently purchased a hip-hop CD that I've wanted for a while: Pharoahe Monch's 1999 release Internal Affairs. Best known for the song "Simon Says", Internal Affairs is a pretty good CD. What is most significant, however, is the fact that I bought it for only 99 cents.

Why is it a big deal that I bought a CD in the bargain bin? Because this CD is out of print and, due to a sampling dispute, will never be printed again. Even the used copies on Amazon sell for at least $30.

(By the way, maybe someone can clear up something for me. It seems you can't sample even a second of a movie or a song without permission, but what about written works? What if I wanted to copy a couple of pages of War and Peace on to my blog? Just a few pages, nowhere near the whole book. Could I do that? What are the limits before the lawyers come find me?)

Third, according to Egyptian Chronicles (via Global Voices Online), Saddam Hussein's nephew, Al Hussain Arshad Yassin, blogs over at Crime ... Is a Human Instinct. He is deeply philosophical and intellectual, but his site does come with a warning that his thoughts might not be agreeable to everyone.

Fourth, according to MetsBlog, Shea Stadium is no longer. The final piece of the Mets former home was dismantled at 11:26 AM Wednesday. On a personal note, seeing Shea go is a little depressing, as it was where I saw my first big league game. Granted, now I see the Rays all the time, but when I was a little kid, going to see the Mets once or twice a year was a thrill. A big shout-out to my Dad for taking me to Shea back in the day and getting me into baseball.

Last but not least, check out the new video "On Fire" from Florida-based soul/funk band JJ Grey and Mofro. I've talked about these guys before and they are quickly becoming one of my favorite bands. Not only is the song awesome, but the video is hilarious.

Mamba has finally arrived

I thought it would never arrive. I had gnawed at my fingernails for days in anticipation. I even harassed my mail carrier. Twice.

Then, after a long day at work, I routinely checked my mailbox, and there is was.

"WSM?", the return address said.

With a hop in my step and an irremovable grin, I scampered up the staircase of my apartment building, giddy with joy. Christmas had arrived again.

Eagerly, I tore the packaging open, snatching out its contents. Despite my shaking hands, I read the letter contained within. It read:

"Be it known to all in summary that Jordi Scrubbings is hereby appointed a member of the League of Roundie Henchmen and is entitled to all the honors and benefits occurring thereto. Signed, The Cavalier"

Honors and benefits. To a blogger!

I turned the DVD player on. Ugh, previews. I don't need all that jazz about smugglers and pirates.

Finally, the movie played.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to find out WSM?, a benefit given to members of the secret circle. Remember, only members of the League of Roundie Henchmen can learn WSM?. Remember, the success of a starving screenwriter depends on you. Now get out your popcorn, here is the movie."

I was in my first secret viewing. As the movie played, I could tell the actors were very well trained at actoring. I could tell the suspense of this movie was very important.

As I watched, I was the only one in the living room, the only room in the house where a blogger could sit in privacy and finally solve the mystery that has hung over the sports blogosphere for years.

Ah ha, a clue! Could it have been that guy? What about that one? What about her?

As the characters developed, determining WSM became easier.

Meanwhile, the neighbors started complaining that the volume of my home theater was too loud. They began banging on my door, yelling at me to turn it down.

"I'll be done in a minute," I yelled. "Gee whiz."

I kept watching. What was going on? I was still in suspense.

I had to be getting closer. The tension was terrible. Who was it? The fate of the blogosphere may hang in the balance.

The neighbors kept knocking, but I kept watching.

"It's almost over, for crying out loud!"

Almost to the end. My butt was on the edge of the seat, my mind was a steel trap. Every pore vibrated, it was almost clear.

Then, after an hour and 50-some minutes (yes, it is that long!), an answer! Yes! Yes! Yes!

"Have you ever flown in a Super Airplane?", the screen asked.

Super Airplane? A crummy commercial for the screenwriter's new book?

Son of a bitch.

(By the way, if you don't recognize the inspiration for this post, click here.)

How the Economy Will Affect Blogs and the Sports Blogosphere

A little while ago, MC Bias of Moderately Cerebral Bias asked several bloggers, both full-time and independent, for their opinions on how the economy will affect the sports blogosphere. Whereas MCBias posted the many bloggers' answers on his site, I asked him if I could run my answers here.

(By the way, take a couple of minutes and read his post. He did a really good job.)

Surprisingly, many of the bloggers quoted by MC Bias actually believed sports blogs and blogging in general will sustain their success, if not increase their popularity, during the down economy. I got the impression their answers even caught MC Bias by surprise.

Maybe I have been reading too much John Robb and his ideas of systems disruption, decentralized platforms, and self-organizing futures, but I don’t share the views of the bloggers interviewed by MC Bias. Here is how I think the economy will affect the blogosphere.

1) More blogging: Yes, I think there will be more blogging as a result of the economic recession. As paid writing gigs dry up both in the press and in free-lancing, more writers will flock to the Internet as a way to keep their skills sharp and their voices heard. I think we will see much bigger names starting to blog as well as other writers with editorial aspirations.

(Note: This has already been the case, as Jay Mariotti, formerly a well-known Chicago sports writer, has joined the AOL Sports blogging team.)

2) Less readers and less commentors: Here me and Brian from AwfulAnnouncing take opposing views. Whereas he claims people will still read blogs at work or, if not working, will visit blog sites as they look for jobs online, I disagree. Due to job insecurity, less people will read blogs, comment on blogs, or will be able to find other blogs they might enjoy. The effort of interaction and discovery will drop as those who might have surfed the Internet for half their day begin to make a conscious effort to work harder and keep their jobs.

3) Less major ads: Jon Pyle of Pyle of List and I also have different views, here on the subject of online advertising. Whereas Pyle believes people will spend more time on the Internet and hence the increased hits will “translate to advertising money for blogs”, I think otherwise. My belief is that we will start to see fewer major ads on blogs and other web sites not run by corporations. Companies are not going to be able to see acceptable returns for their investment on smaller sites. Major traffic and mainstream sites will continue to see all sorts of ad revenue, but smaller sites will be forced to settle for Google Ads or other cheap forms of ad placement.

4) Fewer big-time gigs: One of the points that surprised MC Bias the most was that “all the contract bloggers I spoke to thought that there might either be more work for contract bloggers, or more blogs starting during the recession.”

My opinion is that as advertisers spend less on ads, major web sites will have to react to the limited projected income by cutting staff. My fear is that the powers that be at major sites and companies will resort to their more instinctive, conservative, ideological ways and cut web savvy personnel. This of course will mean will fewer opportunities for bloggers to make the next step to paid gigs, especially with organizations such as Yahoo!, ESPN, etc.

5) No more Will Leitchs: As major companies struggle to get their own priorities in order, they won't have time to extend a voice to the little guy. No longer will sites like Deadspin be able to establish a “movement” of frustrated fans. The voice of the fan will be background white noise once again. I also think we can forget about publishers taking chances on writers they never heard of, even if they do have an Internet cult following. Whether or not they will take chances on the more creative voices (the creative geniuses at Free Darko for example) has yet to be determined. But the average smart-alec blogger is going to be kept on the 'net, at least for now.

6) More consolidation: The overall result of bloggers putting more time into work, less time into blogging, and fewer dollars to be made is that bloggers will start to see an increased importance in working together. The average blogger won't have the time or the desire to publish everyday, especially when he or she is not seeing any return for investment outside of the occasional and overrated link on major sites such as Deadspin or The Big Lead. So I think more and more bloggers will start banding together and putting out sites that publish often with little time investment.

7) More to complain about: If a bad economy provides us anything, it's fodder for complaints. And complaining is one of the things bloggers do best. Look for gloom, doom, and frustration to permeate posts throughout the blogosphere.

Overall, I thought it was interesting that I disagreed with the opinions of so many "big name" bloggers. For their sake, I hope they're right and that I am wrong, and that money will magically appear for anyone who wants to write online. But I don't think that will happen. At least not anytime soon.

Breaking news: Neglected Stars to Buy Neglected Planet

Although not normally a beacon for breaking news, anonymous sources have informed The Serious Tip of a pending announcement normally reserved for science fiction.

Despite facing the punishment of death, our contacts have told us that an organized group of prominent free agent sports stars are negotiating to buy the celestial body formerly known as the planet Pluto.

Led by baseball superstars Barry Bonds and Ken Griffey, Jr., a small group of unemployed athletes have contacted the International Land Leaders Of Galactic Interactive Contracts and Leases (ILLOGICAL) with the hopes of buying Pluto. Since 2006, Pluto has not been considered as one of the major planets, and has been reduced to minor planet status.

According to a joint statement soon to be released by the agents of baseball stars Bonds, Griffey, Roger Clemens, Frank Thomas, Manny Ramirez, and basketballer Paul Shirley, the proposed acquisition is an attempt to raise the profiles of both the players and the planet, with the hopes that both will be called to rejoin their former affiliations.

The statement reads:

"Mr. Bonds, Mr. Griffey, Mr. Ramirez, et al., have agreed in part to purchase the celestial body formerly known as the planet Pluto. Like Pluto, these star athletes have been 'plutoed' by the powers that be in their respective sports. For little rhyme or reason, both the athletes and the planet have had their values dramatically lessened and have had to suffer needless blows to their legacies. This purchase will promote a synergy between planet and players that should bring both back to their previously established levels of respect."

According to sports business experts such as CMBC's Dorian Rawell, the attempt to buy Pluto makes perfect sense.

"Although I am not sure I agree with the inclusion of Paul Shirley, buying a planet that was demoted is a perfect move by Bonds and company. When was the last time you heard any positive news about Pluto? Now it has the support of a group of very famous supporters. And with the real estate market as low as it is, now is as good a time as any to buy."

Another sports business analyst, who wished to remain anonymous, also supported the move,

"During the last few years, the public has been bombarded with negative press about Bonds and Clemens. Thomas and Griffey have been taking a lot of heat lately as has Ramirez. You would think their past status would account for something. But buying Pluto puts them back on the map. Hopefully it will do the same for Pluto."

Although ILLOGICAL has never allowed the purchase of planetary real estate to an individual or group of individuals, the organization is leaning towards accepting the Bonds-led offer.

"Times are hard. We own the entire universe," said ILLOGICAL President Youngest McFuger. "Like many big businesses in today's economy, we have to start selling off assets at some point. Especially when we get a good enough offer."

A Comedian, a coffee aficionado, sports blogs on the isle of Cuba, and Maslow's Hierarchy

A few more links as I give you something on a non-scheduled day:

Way back in my FSU writing days*, I was in the same department as a guy named Michael James Nelson. Back then he was an aspiring comic. Now he is a full-fledged Hollywood writer/comedian person. He has also begun posting some pretty funny stuff over at his blog.

(* I just found out the FSView and Florida Flambeau took their archives offline. So now no one can ever find the early writings of Jordi Scrubbings or Michael James Nelson. Trust me, you are missing out.)

Speaking of people I went to school with, I have recently been following the blog of another fellow FSU alumni. He is now a coffee aficionado in New York City and his blog, On The Road To Epiphany, has become all about coffee and coffeehouses. Not normally my cup of tea (ha, a pun!), but it is interesting.

Third, and not really related, here is a link to an article on Cuban sports blogs. I forgot to post it the other day. But you should still check it out. The Cuban sports blogosphere is far different from the American blogosphere.

Thought of the day: I think it would be interesting to see if there is any pattern of blogosphere development along Maslow's heirarchy of needs. Do blogs on life, substance, and survival come first, followed by blogs about security, and then blogs about family or affliation (i.e. sports teams)?

Tampa in a nutshell, Chess in the Philippines, YouTube in Iran, and an Equine Political Hostage

A few links to get your week started:

1) Sticks of Fire, one of my favorite local Tampa blogs, recently summed up the Tampa area. I couldn't have done it better.

"lightning gave this place its name, while treasure-seeking pirates gave us a story. The train and sunshine brought us to Tampa, and cigars, call centers, and tourists kept us working. Water activities, pro sports, and ‘dancers’ offer options for entertainment, and traffic keeps us from getting too much of any of it."

2) According to the Four-Eyed Journal (via GlobalVoices Online), the Department of Education in the Philippines is suggesting schools teach chess as part of the curriculum. Even though I haven't played in a while, I've always been a fan of chess. It's very strategic, very analytical, and keeps the mind sharp. If this happens, I am curious to see the academic effects in five or so years.

3) Also via GlobalVoices Online, an Iranian blogger is reporting that YouTube and Facebook are no longer blocked in Iran. This is great news. Now people in Iran can be free to waste their evenings watching videos and looking up elementary school buddies. Nothing better than being online sedated. Joy!

4) 26 years ago yesterday, on Feb 8th, 1983, a racehorse named Shergar was kidnapped. Shergar, who had won the English Epsom Derby and named European Horse of the Year in 1981, was taken by masked gunmen and held for ransom. Although the kidnappers made a few calls, the authorities decided to stick with a non-negotiation stance lest other horses be captured. Due to policy, Shergar's kidnappers stopped communcating and Shergar was never returned. There is much speculation that he was possibly killed shortly after the kidnapping.

Can you imagine a politically-charged horsenapping with today's media? We wouldn't hear the end of the story. Cable news networks would probably interview every horse owner from Churchhill Downs to China, asking for analysis. Imagine if the race-winning horse was mysteriously swiped by an Al Qaeda-affliated organization. What if they sent in occasional videos of demands and threats? What if they killed the horse on video? What would we do?

My suggestion would be to arm PETA and let them take care of it. They can be hostile when they want to be.

Remembering the Jordi Scrubbings Era over at Epic Carnival

Way back in the ancient days of late 2007 and early 2008, I cameo'ed at a site called Epic Carnival. The goal of Epic Carnival was to collect various voices from the blogosphere and create a "super site" where each writer would bring their readers to Epic Carnival and boost the page views, hits, and hopefully advertising dollars.

In concept it was a really good idea. Unfortunately, I only stuck around Epic Carnival for three months. I was writing for YaySports!, EC, and here and it was just too much. Life also picked up and made hitting the deadlines difficult.

So what follows is a recollection of sorts. Not so much a greatest hits, but a list of all 12 of my Epic Carnival posts. Think of this post like one of those rare compilation CDs that have all of a singer's songs from a record label they are no longer with. Granted, it is a bit dated, but I think it needs to be here.

1) (10/29/07) Introducing the Next Epic Carnival Ace: Jordi Scrubbings: my introduction to the Epic Carnival readership.

2) (10/26/07) 40 Ounces of Guaranteed NBA Predictions: my outlook on the 2007-2008 NBA season. Among my worst predictions: the Celtics not winning the Eastern Conference (they won the NBA Championship), Kobe Bryant getting traded (he didn't), and Shaquille O'Neal retiring (a year later and he is still playing). My best predictions: Dwight Howard winning the dunk contest, the Knicks not making the playoffs, and the Miami Heat dancers staying at the top of their game.

3) (10/31/07) The NBA Trophy is in the Alamo ... In the Basement: some notes and thoughts about the 1st week of the 2007-2008 NBA season.

4) (11/6/07) Small Team Hopes for Big Kobe Trade: satirical post about a midget basketball team trading all but one player for Kobe Bryant.

5) (11/13/07) Remembering Ol' Dirty Bastard - An NBA Tribute: On the 3rd anniversary of the death of rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard, I compared several of his lyrics to the happenings in the NBA. Called "the best post this site has done in months" by a commenter.

6) (11/20/07) Buying Part of the League - One Year Later: Following up on a post I did here on buying stock in the United States Basketball League. Probably not too advisable now.

7) (11/27/07) From Goldwater to Glory - The Heroic Rise of Jamario Moon: The tale of a basketball journeyman who finally made his way to the NBA.

8) (12/4/07) Together We Can Fight The Power - While writing at Epic Carnival I was in the midst of boycotting the Knicks due to their employment of Isiah Thomas. This post discussed how fans can promote the overthrow of bad front offices, from the walk-out to the buy-out and everything in between.

9) (12/11/07) The Return of the Great King Gilgajames - This was my attempt at blending the story of Gilgmesh with the return of LeBron James from an early season injury. Admittedly, I could only do so much with this concept.

10) (12/18/07) Hoops Gone Hollywood - This post pitted actors-turned-ballers versus ballers-turned-actors in an epic battle for hardwood dominance. Included were Michael Jordan, Jimmy Chitwood, Dennis Rodman, and Juwanna Mann.

11) (1/8/08) Losing Blows Like the Cold Minnesota Wind - Back in the beginning of the 07-08 NBA season, the Minnesota Timberwolves were horribly pathetic. This post discussed the cold feeling losing was putting the franchise.

12) (1/15/07) Celtics Choking Away Playoff Chances - As the Timberwolves struggled, the Boston Celtics were taking the NBA by storm. When I wrote this post, however, they had just lost 3 of their last 4. Being the smartass that I am, I extended their struggles thoughout the rest of the season and wrote a "letter to the future".

And that concludes your twelve-step journey through the Jordi Scrubbings Era at Epic Carnival.

Be on the look-out for a few big announcements coming soon.

Buridan's Ass and the acting re-debut of Jordi Scrubbings

Since we have entered the doldrums of the sports year, and I have to do something while I wait for my government stimulus check, I'm going to put up some more content from my other online endevours.

First, my latest from Pomp Culture.com - Checking out Buridan's Ass. I take a not-so-deep look at psychological dilemmas as only I can. Do check it out.

Second, I cameoed in the latest Afro-Squad movie. This isn't just scenes from a wrestling match either. This is a true amateur film (No, not that type. Get your mind out of the gutter.). Rumor has it I'll be in some more stuff soon.

(Warning: contains some language NSFW.)

By the way, I used the term "re-debut" in the heading because I was in another movie roughly 10 years ago. It is on VHS right now, so I need to figure out how to get it off videotape and online. If anyone has any recommendation on equipment, methods, etc, please let me know. I can write my ass off, but technologically I am stuck in 2002.

Adventures in a Super Bowl City: Part 3 - Revenge of the Afro-Squad

(If you haven't already, make sure you've read Part 1 and Part 2.)

When we last left our hero, he was wandering out of the Bow Wow Wonderland after receiving valuable insight from the illustrious High Chief. Our hero takes the High Chief's words to heart and goes back to the Afro Lair, knowing he will need help in the battle for his city.

Setting: The Afro Lair. The Afro Lair is party central, highlighted by afro-wearing eccentrics. There are frequent funky musical performances, video arcades, and a high-end bar where the locals gather to swap LPs of George Clinton and Bootsy Collins.

Scene 1: Our hero meets with Mama 'Fro, the Snowman, and the rest of the Afro-Squad. He tells them about the plight of the city and the High Chief's first piece of lyrical advice. Mama 'Fro instructs the Snowman to join our hero on his journey. Before they go, she gives them a month's supply of Pudding Snack Packs and the Motts.


Scene 2: After eating all the Motts and the Pudding Snack Packs, the Afro-Squad meet the Smooth Savant of the Teleprompter. The Smooth Savant tells the Afro-Squad that in order to save the city, they have to rescue the 'Fro Child, who is being held captive by the Killer Cardinal. Our hero recalls the second lyric of advice given by the High Chief. The Smooth Savant also tells the Afro-Squad that the only way to kill the Killer Cardinal is to destroy it as they would a Highlander.


Setting: The Castle of the Killer Cardinal. The Killer Cardinal is a very social animal and is hanging out in his lounge.

Scene 3: The Afro-Squad sneak into Killer Cardinal's Lounge. Our hero ambushes the Killer Cardinal while the Killer Cardinal is socializing with its human cohorts. Lacking a sword, our hero decides to bite the head off of the bird a la Ozzy Osbourne, nullifying the Killer Cardinal's ability to counterattack.


Meanwhile, the Snowman rescues the 'Fro Child.


Setting: The City.

Scene 4: The Afro-Squad celebrate their victory. They call the mayor to announce their accomplishment and begin to set up a parade in their own honor.


Setting: The Afro Lair.

Scene 5: The party is interrupted by the Wise Word Wizard. The Wise Word Wizard tells the Afro-Squad that their work is not done and the city is still in danger. The Killer Cardinal's mother has kidnapped the Underwater Singing Princess and is threatening to destroy the city. Our hero remembers the final lyric of the High Chief. The Wise Word Wizard instructs the Afro-Squad on how to confront the ever-dangerous Mother of the Killer Cardinal.


Setting: A boat in the river outside of the city. The boat is on course to the Mother of the Killer Cardinal's Headquarters and Gaming Resort, one of the top casinos on the eastern seaboard.

Scene 6: Our hero meets a band of jolly travelers on the boat. The travelers recognize our hero and ask him for his autograph. Our hero tries to tell them about the princess, but they are too busy reveling in their revelry. Meanwhile, the Snowman is below deck indulging in spirits and Nestle Quik.


Setting: A dock connected to the Mother of the Killer Cardinal's Headquarters and Gaming Resort.

Scene 7: Alerted to their presence by super high-powered binoculars, the Mother of the Killer Cardinal dispatches The Man to capture the Afro-Squad. Although our hero escapes, the Snowman is not as lucky and is captured.


Scene 8: After eluding The Man, our hero engages in an epic life and death battle with the Mother of the Killer Cardinal. Instinctively, the Mother uses her Cardinal Fighting Style, highlighted by its vicious pecking attacks. Our hero, also trained in the avian attack arts, uses the Eagle Fighting Style. In an grueling duel, our hero is victorious.


Setting: Deep in bowels of the Mother of the Killer Cardinal's Headquarters and Gaming Resort. The Snowman has been taken to Cell Block 1138, in a cell adjacent to the Underwater Singing Princess. The cells are the same as those in an Indonesian blue collar prison.

Scene 9: Our hero frees the Underwater Singing Princess and the Snowman. Before they leave, the Underwater Singing Princess tells a joke because she likes jokes.

"What do you call someone puts prisoners to death but then quickly leaves?"

"An Exit-cutioner."

The Afro-Squad and the Underwater Singing Princess laugh.


Setting: The City.

Scene 10: Our hero has finally saved the city. The tourist invasion is gone, the 'Fro Child is safe, and the Princess has gone back to singing songs underwater. All is right in the world. Until next time.


The End