The Serious Tip

The Best of The Serious Tip Now Available on Amazon

2011-09-23T15:01:00.009-04:00

For over three years, this website was my home on the web. Here is where I learned how to blog and how to write for an audience. I covered a lot here, from sports to music to politics to almost everything in between. I was serious, creative, analytical, and satirical.

Now the best of this site is available for purchase, both in paperback and for Kindle, if you are the technologically advanced sort.

I am really excited to make this available as it is my first solo book and my first self-publishing venture.

So please support an aspiring writer and order your copy today!

This super special anthology includes:

The story of when I tried out for the Atlanta Braves!
Interviews with a pornstar, a comedian, a singer, and a Playboy model!
An analysis of Super Bowl contenders and their effect on the stock market!
How statistics can be used in pro wrestling!

And many more!

Only $9.25 in book form and $1.99 in e-book form!

Buy yours today!

Book: The Best of The Serious Tip

Kindle: The Best of The Serious Tip

Eulogy for the Eliminated: The Serious Tip

2009-11-15T00:00:00.003-05:00

Dearly Beloved,

Today we lay to rest this blog. Three years is a long time to write for one web site. Especially one as varied, unpredictable, and as one reader put it "mixed bag" as this one. And so it is with a heavy heart and just a wee bit of melancholy that I am closing down The Serious Tip and moving to JordiScrubbings.com.

What exactly was The Serious Tip, anyway? Originally, this blog was going to be called "The Not So Serious Tip" - sort of a tribute to the old HBO show "Not Necessarily the News". But I figured the name was a little long and I didn't have a clue what I was going to write. I just had a name.

(For a lack of a prequel, consider this the start of my blogging history. I think I already told the story about how I read Jenn Sterger's blog and thought to myself, if she can do it, so can I. So I am not going to re-tell that part.)

So after I decided on The Serious Tip, I started writing. After a brief introduction, I actually began this blog as a humorous commentary on headlines and news events. That lasted all of one blog post. Then I started writing about sports. As a matter of fact, only four posts out of 36 during the rest of 2006 were on non-sports subjects. Writing about sports came easy, it was well-rewarded (many of my early posts were linked to on Deadspin and The Big Lead), and I always wanted to write sports commentary.

Throughout 2007 and 2008 I made a bit of a reputation for myself as a sports blogger. I cameo'ed on nearly a dozen other sites - from the small (If I Ran ...) to the successful and influential (Deadspin). I also made regular appearances at YaySportsNBA, ScalpEm.com, Pomp Culture, and Thunder Matt's Saloon. I met quite a few fellow sports bloggers, from the always verbose MC Bias to Cork Gaines of RaysIndex. I talked possibly freelance gigs and books with Jay Busbee and the possibility of interviewing the top of the NBA with Mike Tillery. I emailed back and forth with Will Leitch, Henry Abbott, Andrew Carter of the Orlando Sentinel, and countless others. I was part of the sports blog community.

Then 2009 happened.

If you haven't noticed, I have blogged less and less about sports this year. I don't know if my disinterest was because of the disintegration of the sports blog community or just a coincidence. I may be wrong, but it seemed that when Will Leitch left Deadspin and the new powers that be stopped reaching out to the little blogs, linking to their stories, and giving them a little shine, the air quickly left the sports blogging community. Gone were the links, the comments, and the love. Many sports bloggers around the country began scrambling to fill full time gigs at any half-brained website. Some made it to AOL, ESPN, Yahoo!, and the like, but most just faded into Mike Tyson's Bolivia. I was one of those.

But it wasn't only because the community was falling apart. I stopped writing about sports because I was getting bored. I am not a beat reporter, and I never have been. I am not an expert on economics, behavioral science, or race relations, and I am definitely not a statistician or medical expert. I had no angle to keep me in it. I was just a fan who got most of his sports from the very blogging community he was contributing to. I grew tired of looking for some niche, some angle, or some interesting perspective. Sometimes there was none. Other times I just didn't want to write, and that is the worst thing a writer can say. I didn't want to write.

Fortunately, right as my interest level fell to an all-time low, my company sent me on an overseas trip. That gave me time to think and play off the sudden drop in posts with the excuse that "I didn't have time" or "Sorry, I didn't have an internet connection". Both of which, if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, are not true in the least.

So for the last few weeks I've pulled out an old standby, the Eulogy for the Eliminated series. What was a fun and creative series last year, thinking up witty eulogies for eliminated baseball teams, became a drag on a site that became a burden. Or a burden on a site that became a drag. Either way, I was going through the motions.

And that brings us to today. Three years, two months, 555 posts, and probably close to a million (maybe?) words later, and we have finally reached the end of the tip. But all is of course not lost. I'll still be writing, still blogging, and still creating, just over at my new site, JordiScrubbings.com. You can expect the same amount of irreverence, the same half-witted dry humor, the same attempts at satire, and the same random discussions on my varied tastes.

For my long term fans, however, I should warn you. I do intend on making two minor changes to my writing. My first goal is to make JordiScrubbings.com a bit more Tampa-centric. That means stories about my explorations and discoveries throughout the city I call home. My second change is I intend to write a bit more about me. I've always wanted to write about me more. To write about the people, places, and things in my life without reservation. Who knows, I might even slip in a post about my dating life, or lack there of. But don't bet on it.

Anyway, if you have enjoyed reading, perusing, or even belittling The Serious Tip over the last three years, I hope you follow me over to JordiScrubbings.com.

In closing, before I say good-bye to this not-so-serious-yet-appropriately-named website, I would like to say thank you. Thank you to all the bloggers and writers who gave me advice and encouragement. Thank you to all the commentors - you folks made my day with your snide comments, put-downs, and occasional words of encouragement. And thank you, most of all, to the you, the reader. Although I would have still written without you, you made it worth while. Knowing that I averaged roughly 150 of you a day and that over the course of three-plus years over 250,000 of you from all over the world visited the site makes me quite proud.

And now, without further adieu, I present to you JordiScrubbings.com: The Website. May you forever read and enjoy. And for The Serious Tip, may you, dear web site, Rest in Peace.

I'm out.

(Image created on request by Brian Spaeth of Brian23.com and the new web movie Who Shot Mamba?.)

Eulogy for the Eliminated 2009: Part 7

2009-11-07T15:29:00.001-05:00

Dearly Beloved,

Today we lay to rest our final soul. Like in the epic film The Highlander, there can be only one. And from the land of liberty and cheesesteaks comes our latest, a loser in the battle of recent versus historical glory. Defenders of a crown, descendants of champions, they fell woefully short to a machine funded by dollars and led by the beasts of ancient Greece and modern Japan. Done in by the steady beating of Godzilla and a Minotaur.

To the 2009 Philadelphia Phillies:

You started off with a bang
A new acquisition accused of cheating
That slowly faded away
But yet you kept on leading
Out from the shadows came another source of power
Found worth hitting stride at the right time
Then came two aces from above
Bearers of the title of best
One the southpaw hurler from the land of Cleve
The other an ancient wizard wishing for old magic
They brought you to precipice of greatness
But alas when you need it the most, you got the least
For that, dear soul, despite your valiant try
I must say, May You Rest In Peace.

Eulogy for the Eliminated 2009: Part 6

2009-10-28T19:58:00.003-04:00

Dearly Beloved,

Today we lay to rest two of the best from the west. Whereas they were shown California love by many, the westside connection was not enough to save them from the 2pacalypse. They took a fantastic journey from the gangsta's paradise to the land of the mouse, yet came up too short, ruining everyone's good day.

To the 2009 Los Angeles Dodgers:

Deep in the valley you toiled, your dreams of a Hollywood ending foiled.
Year two of the dredded savior, his absence from a past behavior.
The youngest gun shot wild for a record, his pinpoint control became untethered.
Still you treaded with the guidance of legend, just falling short in the end.
So is to you we say good-bye, another year has ceased.
And along with the ancient voice from the booth, we say may you rest in peace.

To the 2009 ~~California~~ ~~Anaheim~~ Los Angeles Angels:

Tragedy struck, and you lived for an angel on the mound.
Your closeness turned to a family that tried to be glory-bound.
Tis now tradition among generations to follow the path,
And battle for gold until the last.
But alas toppled by the billion dollar team
In their new palace where everything gleams
And now sit at the precipice
That you can keep one of two is your wish
The awkwardly named and a steady-armed ace
Could both leave pie in your face
As in the future you offer the best of families
Today we say, May You Rest In Peace.

Eulogy for the Eliminated 2009: Part 5

2009-10-15T18:32:00.000-04:00

Dearly Beloved,

This week we are presented with four more souls. Souls who led solid, if not underperforming lives. In honor of these souls, we are following in the footsteps of the ancients, those dreamers, philosophizers, and creative minded geniuses who gave us the blessings of beautiful verbosity. We will eulogize our weekly departed in poem, as they did so many millennium ago for their departed warriors. May these words reflect the lives of these souls honestly, correctly, and with valor.

To the 2009 Red Sox:

Like ancient Rome, the nation is slowly decaying
Your legions of faithful at home praying
Yearning for the glory days of yesteryear
Learning of drugs made you shed a tear
Heroes with dreads prove embarrassing
As you grow as old as the song you sing
Now the future is in doubt
Of a former Empire losing its clout
Will the future be marred by a curse born of a lease?
We will see. But for now, may you rest in peace.

To the 2009 St. Louis Cardinals:

On the shoulders of a legend you rode
The grandest assembled in your abode
Summer in the city of the greatest fan
Two aces lead you across the land
Alas it was not enough
And those bleeding blue called your bluff
Now the son of an ancient with the greatest voice
and he whose CD is nothing but noise
shall be all that your followers have to hold
as the fall months turn to cold
Then again they will root for a bird to be a beast
While for now they hope you rest in peace.

To the 2009 Minnesota Twins:

In the last year of your humble home
They cheered and danced and waved fingers of foam
You caught the cat who could not close the deal
And a bit of magic is what you would feel
Eras of yesteryear flew in your head
And the ghosts of legends long since dead
But with hankie in hand and Hubert's name on their tongue
You thought for a second you might have it won
But alas you ran into the quarter billion dollar machine
And the twin cities had to live with the belief
that you and your home would have to rest in peace.

To the 2009 Colorado Rockies:

In the light air of the ancient peaks
You took a journey for months and weeks
Only to come up a few victories short
Unable to throw rocks from a snow fort
Pieces unknown outside your neighborhood
Brought you close to glory, but not gold, you got wood
And the fire you were on you tried to use to stay warm
But it was not be enough to weather the cheesesteak storm
Fortunately, there is hope for future generations
Those who will also rely on refrigerations
May they soar over rocky points like a flock of geese
While you, I dare say, must rest in peace.

Eulogy for the Eliminated 2009: Part 4

2009-10-09T15:26:00.000-04:00

Dearly Beloved,

It has been too long since we gathered. This is both a good thing and a bad. On one side, we look to life, those living long fruitful lives with much to celebrate. They were the bearers of smiles for many over an extended time. Then came the end and the stark reality of death. The smiles quickly turned to frowns as sorrow soaked the land. For the beloved were gone, and with them the optimism that life will be forever bountiful.

Today we lay to rest two who lived long, only to come up woefully short during their time of reckoning. Two who played out the string of success only to be left hanging. They are the last of the middle class, so close to the elite, yet closer in spirit to the downtrodden and pathetic.

To the 2009 Detroit Tigers: Amidst gloom and doom, recession and depression, we were to be the shining light, a beacon of optimism where hope grew dim. Then, in a flash, you were extinguished, collapsing more rapidly than the pillars that held up your city. Now all that is left in the rubble, the dirt, and the four-bit homes is the memories and your disappointing rotting carcass. May the Great Creator Doubleday forgive you for yoking the emotions of your loved ones and may you rest in peace.

Our other burial du jour is of the lone star hero who came up two spurs short of a saddle. To the 2009 Texas Rangers, despite the strong-armed wisdom of a legendary cowboy, you failed to round 'em up and bring 'em in. Although you rode high, you fell woefully short of a perfect jaunt into the sunset, like the tattooed martyr among you. Now you leave behind a ranchful of promise, of youthful riders, and a gaggle of even younger gunslingers. But can future generations usurp the focus of your city from the majesty of a megalomaniac and his billion-dollar barrio? Will the stars at night shine big and bright for your kind again? We may soon find out. But as for you, may you rest in peace.

Measuring the true worth of a pro wrestler

2009-10-04T00:12:00.002-04:00

By now it should come to no surprise that I am a bit of a pro wrestling fan. I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. I go to shows, hang out with other wrestling fans, and even have gotten to know some of the performers and a little about the business. I am by no means saying I am the second coming of Vince McMahon (who I have a growing respect for by the way), I am just saying I think I might know a bit more than the average fan who occasionally watches Monday Night Raw.

With this new found (or newly acknowledged) fandom in mind, I've started to put my deeply analytical and often out-of-the-box mind at work thinking about pro wrestling. Sort of in the same way sabermetric folks think about baseball or a growing number of people are thinking about basketball. Since I've always been amazed by the way the "stathead" fanbase flips and bounces the numbers, I wondered if someone could take the same magnifying glass to pro wrestling. That is, to dig into pro wrestling and see if there are any patterns, trends, or coincidences worth noting.

Ah, I can hear it now, "Baseball is real. Wrestling is fake. You can't compare them or think about them the same way. That's not only ridiculous, it is a waste of time. Why am I reading this?"

Well, if you are still with me, thank you. Because I am about to do the impossible, at least I think it is, I am going to introduce statistical analysis to the untamed wilderness of professional wrestling.

Here is a little college entrance exam analogy for you:

Wins is to Baseball like _____ is to Pro Wrestling

I am going to go with "Money". The quest for money is the lifeblood of pro wrestling like the quest for wins is to other sports. Not that money isn't in some way related to baseball and basketball, but financial gain is only a positive byproduct of the team's daily results. In pro wrestling however, the results of the contest not matter. It is an athletic show, similar to Circus De Soleil. But Circus De Soleil is not promoted like a sport like pro wrestling is. Therefore, I am combining the results of Circus De Soleil with the analysis of sports - accurately maintaining the standard of "sports entertainment".

Ok, now that I have (somewhat) established that money is the goal of a pro wrestling event, then what is it about pro wrestling that brings in money? My answer to that is "entertainment". Any pro wrestling promotion can make money the first time, but to be successful an organization has to entertain. That is, it has to provide a level of excitement to the fan base over that of competing venues of similar costs. That's cost-benefit and simple economics 101.

So where does the burden of entertainment in pro wrestling lay? Who is primarily responsible for ensuring the fans reach a level of entertainment that will best lead to a return visit? The answer to this question, to the chagrin of self-promoting owners, is with the wrestlers. They are the meat and potatoes of pro wrestling. They are as important as touching first base is to scoring in baseball. Without touching first, you cannot score. And without wrestlers, you cannot have a pro wrestling show.

(Note: some promoters and other in-ring personalities do have some entertainment value. But the majority of the burden of entertaining is on the wrestlers.)

If entertainment equals money, how do you measure entertainment? The best way I can figure to measure entertainment is through response. Unlike watching chess, watching pro wrestling should be an activity unto itself. Fans should cheer or boo or clap or root for their favorite. Wrestlers use these reactions to judge whether they are "getting over", i.e. their act is being bought by the crowd. So therefore, the best way to measure if the fans are entertained is the same way we should judge if a wrestler is "over" - by the amount of noise a crowd creates. To date, no promoter, at least that I know of, measures crowd engagement or crowd noise.

Using a generic noise level scale, the average conversation is at 60 decibels (dB). A loud crowd is somewhere between 100 dB and 120 dB (the equivalent to a riding lawn mower). So the average crowd noise should be somewhere just below that, say 90 dB. Of course, there might be a slight difference in the dB level of booing, as most people can't quite boo at the volume they can cheer. With this standard in mind, any wrestler that can't reach 90 dB could be referred to as Jabroni level (JL). Anything above 90 dBs could be called Value Above Jabroni (VAJ).

(Below JL would be the cursed BBL, or bathroom break level. If a wrestler can't crack BBL then they probably need to go back to training because they are not connecting with the crowd.)

So how could a wrestler get a crowd from Jabroni Level to above-Jabroni level? In my opinion, the first thing a wrestler can do to attach him or herself to the fans is have a catchy name. Like police dogs, most wrestlers go with short names, with most being at least two to four syllables (see "Hulk Hogan", "William Regal", etc). Either that or they have a memorable nickname, such as "The Butcher" or "The Dragon". The bottom line is that the name needs a good Chantability Factor (CF). If fans can chant it, they can make it heard.

As the name infers, CF is the ability of a name to be chanted. "Rocky" for example, has a great CF. Two syllables, rhythmic, and begins with hard consonants. You could even add two syllables in the chant and go with a "Let's go, Rocky." See, no more than four. On the other hand, Engelbert Humperdinck has a CF of zero. You can't do anything with a name like that.

Admittedly CF is a bit vague, but my next group of stats is precisely measurable. Again, the key is decibel level.

In wrestling, the antagonist character is called a "heel". The heel attracts the boos, the jeers, and negative feelings. His negative actions are what draw heat, or response. Some heels are better at drawing heat than others. Promoters obviously want the heel able to draw the most heat in the prominent matches. If an average heel musters a 90 dB response (Heat rating, or HR), then a good heel should, on average, draw more heat. Simply put, he or she draws Heat Over Average Heel (HOAH).

If a heel doesn't draw have a high enough heat rating, he or she might be paired with a manager. The difference between the heel's average heat rating and his heat rating with the manager could be called simply Manager Assisted Heat (MAH). A good heel manager should be able to draw heat to any wrestler, no matter how high or low the wrestler's initial heat rating. Of course, if a heel has a high enough heat rating, he or she wouldn't need a manager to begin with.

During the match, performers try to keep the crowd involved, whether cheering or booing. A good match will have a high Crowd Momentum (CM), meaning the crowd is well into the match and vocalizing their enthusiasm. This is easily measurable by the duration of a certain dB level during the match. The main event should probably have the highest CM of the show.

Wrestlers don't want the CM to be too high, however, or else the fans will have reached their peak prior to the climax of the match. During most matches, the climax occurs during one of the wrestlers' "end move" or "finisher". A finisher should rank high on the Crowd Popping End Move Scale (CPEM Scale), measurable by the difference between the crowd's dB level prior to, during, and after the move. A headlock, for example, would likely have a low CPEM score, as it is doubtful the crowd response would be that different. A chokeslam, on the other hand, has more suspense and drama to it, hence a probable higher CPEM score.

I'll admit, I seriously doubt promoters will start measuring dB levels and other measurements of crowd enjoyment anytime soon. (Although here is a dB meter for only a few hundred bucks.) If pro wrestling is one thing, it's traditional.

Then again, who would have though baseball, the most traditionalist of all sports, would lead the way with statistical analysis? Maybe, once again, I am just ahead of my time.

The Yankees could make a great band

2009-10-03T22:35:00.003-04:00

Something I just noticed:

Yankee pitcher A.J. Burnett shares the same name as a woman who used to perform on Beale Street during its heyday.

First baseman Mark Teixeira also shares the same name with a blues drummer.

If only CC Sabathia could play guitar and Derek Jeter could sing.

Freakonomics is now questioning Steroids of the Mind

2009-10-03T14:11:00.001-04:00

Quick post, as I am working on something more extensive:

I read an interesting post on the New York Times Freakonomics Blog today. In a post entitled "Are Ritalin-Taking Students Cheaters?", the Freakonomics folks link to an article on an Australian site that discusses the scientific work of an Australian researcher who claims concentration drugs could become a problem for academia.

Sound familiar?

Back in July 2007, I posted a letter I wrote to the Florida State University newspaper in 2005. That letter, entitled "Ban Steroids of the Mind", addressed this exact problem, of course in my own hyperbolic and over-exaggerated way of looking at it.

According to Vince Cakic, author of the study "Smart drugs for cognitive enhancement: ethical and pragmatic considerations in the era of cosmetic neurology",

"Reports in the popular press suggest that smart drugs or "nootropics" such as methylphenidate, modafinil and piracetam are increasingly being used by the healthy to augment cognitive ability. Although current nootropics offer only modest improvements in cognitive performance, it appears likely that more effective compounds will be developed in the future and that their off-label use will increase. One sphere in which the use of these drugs may be commonplace is by healthy students within academia. This article reviews the ethical and pragmatic implications of nootropic use in academia by drawing parallels with issues relevant to the drugs in sport debate. It is often argued that performance-enhancing drugs should be prohibited because they create an uneven playing field. However, this appears dubious given that "unfair" advantages are already ubiquitous and generally tolerated by society. There are concerns that widespread use will indirectly coerce non-users also to employ nootropics in order to remain competitive."

Compare that to what I wrote in 2005 and repeated in 2007:

"Similar to growth enhancement products, mental enhancers promote an unfair advantage and distort the academic "playing field". Whereas neither physical nor mental supplements provide magical results without at least a level of skill or subject understanding, the similarities between these products are quite eerie."

It's about time other smart people caught on to what I've been talking about. Once again, I am ahead of the power curve. Maybe one day I'll have a forum like Freakonomics.

Are Ritalin-Taking Students Cheaters? - Freakonomics, October 2, 2009

'Academic doping' set to rise: expert - abc.net.au, October 1, 2009

Smart drugs for cognitive enhancement: ethical and pragmatic considerations in the era of cosmetic neurology - Cakic, Vince, Journal of Medical Ethics 2009;35:611-615; doi:10.1136/jme.2009.030882.

"Ban Steroids of the Mind" - The Serious Tip, July 2007

Eulogy for the Eliminated 2009: Part 3

2009-09-28T02:11:00.000-04:00

Dearly Beloved,

Here we gather once again to bury those who those lives have reached an unfortunate premature end. For these poor souls were well enough to be respected, but failed to accomplish their lot in life. Some were an improvement from past generations, others a failure in the eyes of their ancestors.

As with the others, we bury them in mass as they will soon be gone from our collective consciousness, a vague memory in the lineage of the ages. For they are the nondescript, the filler, and the forgotten. They are the middle class, safely removed from the bowels of the bottom, but far from the prestige of the pinnacle.

Great Creator Doubleday, please welcome the 2009 Oakland A's: to your hereafter. For despite every effort to rub nickels and create dollars from 15 cents, their cutting edge frugal initiatives have long lost their sharpness due to the dulling of imitation. Like Lewis and Clark on a transnational superhighway, they are trailblazers in need of a new trail. Until that time however, they will continue to be run over. May they rest in peace.

To their brethren by the bay, the 2009 San Francisco Giants, despite golden arms and the emergence of a panda knowledgeable in the fighting styles of the Shaolin, you still have not reached the level brought to you by the record-setting godson of a diamond legend. Your life however has made many optimistic for the future, when future generations will be the benefactor of the golden arms going platinum and the pandas leading a capable cast that has more bite than the current batch of leaf biters. But until the new generation arrives, may you rest in peace.

As they do in 'hood, let us pour out a little alcohol for the 2009 Milwaukee Brewers. Still led by the son of royalty, they achieved less than their predecessor, although that was to be expected when they failed to have a wallet big enough to match ducats with the upper class. As it was, their twin pillars of power and collection of miscellaneous cost-efficient flotsam were not enough. May they rest in peace.

Once again, we are burying a denizen of the Second City. This time, we look to the north, and the dysfunctional 2009 Chicago Cubs. Devoid of a Redheaded Messiah, they wallowed in a deep pool of poor production for far too long. Despite sending home the malcontent, they failed to shake the demons of another cursed existence. Now there is call for a new home, one that might possible clear the malignant aura of multiple eons of failure.

Like other bargain bin buyers, the 2009 Florida Marlins lived by the mantra of value shopping. Although they were miserly with the funds, they did lay the groundwork for a new domicile. For they are the first descendants of George and Wheezy, moving on up, to a new deluxe home in the city. Thanks to them, the future generations will only hope the fish won't fry in their new kitchen because it a whole lot of trying to get up that hill. But in the present day, however, we must bury them six feet deep. May they rest in peace.

Across the nation we bury the 2009 Seattle Mariners. The return of a legend from yesteryear all proved to us all that time stands still for no man, least not one of the greatest of all time. The ancient sailor, coupled with the singling samurai and other passed on pieces, did eventually turn around the vessel, but unfortunately the engines weren't enough to keep up with the cruisers and battleships of the high seas. They fell leagues behind before eventually limping to port. From here they will be decommissioned and replaced with a newer young model. As time wears on us all, may they rest in peace.

And now we must lay to rest one that I hold dear to my heart, the 2009 Tampa Bay Rays. When you are blessed with so much in the past, to get half of what you wished for in the future is disheartening at best, discouraging at worst. You start wondering what you did right, what you are doing wrong, and if you will ever have the good times again. You open your wallet to attempt to make improvements, only to have them not work as advertised or worse, cause bigger problems. Soon you lose yourself in dismay, aimlessly slipping down a rabbit's hole into a wonderland of worthlessness. You try to be optimistic, but when the wolves are on the porch and you have traded a famous rifle for a bag of angelic beans and you find yourself unable to slam the door, it is no wonder your family decides enough is enough and they elect to not see you anymore. Soon your heart hurts and it's time to pull the plug. Whereas your predecessor may have lived longer, this is your end. May you rest in peace.

Eulogy for the Eliminated 2009: Part 2

2009-09-24T00:11:00.000-04:00

Dearly Beloved,

We are gathered here today to bury those who were among the ranks of the subpar. Those who were not the meek, but far from the bourgeoisie. They range from the just above pathetic to just at the cusp of the median. Sadly under average, they drifted meaninglessly through their meager existence, too often falling on the wrong side of the line dividing victim and victory.

Some of today's departed are those with hope, some sadly are not. They include the confused, disparaged, and the disappointed. Some awoke with the greatest of intentions, only to see their dreams shattered by the cold fist of time.

Dear Great Creator Doubleday, please take these poor souls in to your loving bosom. They have become the flotsam and jetsam of the world, and their loved ones yearn only that their lives end in peace and without any necessary suffering. For they and their loved ones have suffered enough.

To the 2009 Cleveland Indians: You began with as good a chance as any. The adoring fans of a heartthrob pushing you to greater heights. Then it all came crashing down. Even the heartthrob broke a few. You bid sweet farewell to your pride and joy, cashing in when the market was high. Before your death you began to resemble your Hollywood doppleganger. May you and your California Penal League squad rest in peace. May you rest in peace.

To the 2009 San Diego Padres: Like those native warriors of the wahoo, you too bid farewell to a blue chip, a homegrown mainstay who had been your most recognized commodity. Now, although you had your new hero, named from the spouse of the Champion of Brotherly Love, you placed your bets on a mortal son of a legend, a White battery, and the patron saint of the super gutsy vertically challenged. May you rest in peace.

To the 2009 Cincinnati Reds: Guided by a mad man with the philosophies of the wayward past, you were caught between the stalwarts of yesteryear and the prospects of the future. Many claimed you may have showed potential, but with your confused general, you had no chance. Now your loved ones must reconcile with the fact that all they have is memoirs of a machine. May you rest in peace.

To the 2009 New York Mets: You were the biggest disappointment money could buy. That has been your legacy, as your ancestors were of the same breed. Admittedly, you limped more often than you walked, but even when you walked, you had no direction. Now you again struggle in the shadow of an Empire hoping for miracles or amazin' era. May you rest in peace.

To the 2009 Toronto Blue Jays: Once again you were led by a cowboy, although you sought to send him and the horse he rode in on far out of town. When that failed, you shed a former under performing contestant in a longball contest. Other than these not-so-precious moments, you had little identity. May your future generations be the beacon of success in the Great White North. May you, however, rest in peace.

To the 2009 Houston Astros - Middling in mediocrity in the Lonestar State, you are a far cry from the days of the Killer B's. Now you search for a new identity, firing the man we never knew led you. May you remember the Alamo and rest in peace.

To the 2009 Chicago White Sox - Also playing in the shadow of a more famous neighbor, you barely had a chance for success. You shimmied off a possible hitting legend and brought in an injured ace. You continue in the land of little hope with run down parts and a hodgepodge of has beens or never will bes. May you rest in peace.

Ouch.

2009-09-21T00:10:00.003-04:00

For the last few weeks I have been reading a biography of blues man Howlin' Wolf entitled "Moanin' At Midnight: The Life and Times of Howlin' Wolf". Tonight I was ready to get a few chapters done when I came across this line:

"In 1966, while playing with James Cotton, Sam (Lay) accidentally blew off one of his testicles when a loaded pistol discharged in his pants pocket during some particularly vigorous drumming."

Ouch.

Why Joe Mauer Should Not Be 2009 AL MVP

2009-09-18T13:13:00.004-04:00

As another baseball season comes to a close, tis the season for the rumblings and grumblings of media folks and bloggers telling us which player should win what award.

Vote for Pujols for NL MVP! He is the second coming of (insert legendary player).

Vote for (Grienke, Sabathia, Verlander, etc, etc.) for AL Cy Young!

Vote for Coghlan for NL Rookie of the Year! He plays for the Marlins! Yes, they are still a team!

Perhaps the most discussed awards race so far is for the American League MVP. There is no dispute several players are having great years. Players such as Mark Teixiera, Kendry Morales, Carl Crawford, and Miguel Cabrera.

Despite the great years by these players, most columns have focused on one of two players, either the Yankees' Derek Jeter or the Twins' Joe Mauer.

Mauer has the support of numerous writers, bloggers, statisticians, and analysis web sites. He is leading in most offensive categories, from traditional stats like batting average, slugging percentage, and on-base percentage, to advanced SABRmetric measurements such as Value Over Replacement Player (VORP), OPS+, Win Shares, etc, etc, etc. He is also playing Gold Glove caliber defense at perhaps the toughest position in baseball: catcher.

Jeter has his own supporters in the baseball media, including writers, columnists, reporters, and other die-hard fans. Although Jeter's on-the-field numbers maybe not be as good as Mauer's, Jeter-backers advocate Jeter's intangibles, such as leadership, presence, and clutchiness. They even bring up the fact that he now holds the all-time record for hits by a Yankee.

From reading what has been written so far, you would think the battle is Mauer's stats versus Jeter's reputation and body of work. It is of course impossible to make this comparison. There is no way to match performance data with intangibles. None.

So far, the Mauer-backers have taken the lead in matching up the two candidates. They point out that Mauer beats Jeter in every category, bar none. It is their conclusion that because Mauer has better numbers, he should be MVP.

In response, the Jeter-backers call the Mauer-backers "nerds" and "stat geeks".

End of conversation, right?

As Lee Corso would say, not so fast, my friend.

Where the Jeter-backers fail is that they don't level the playing field. They sit back and get destroyed by conceding that Mauer is having a better season. They never attempt to hold Mauer up to the standards they hold Jeter to. This is their Achilles Heel. They don't bring up the fact that while Jeter has led the pristine life of a living Yankee legend seemingly since birth, Mauer didn't become the man he is until after he put on a Twins uniform.

The bottom line is that Joe Mauer can't be trusted.

Before his professional baseball debut, Joe Mauer did something so heinous, so outrageous, and so destructive, it should be forever held against him during the consideration of any and all awards.

Joe Mauer turned his back on Bobby Bowden and the Florida State Seminoles.

Following his senior year in high school, Joe Mauer was the most highly recruited quarterback in the nation. According to reports, he won three national football player of the year awards, and had the poise and potential to be among the greatest ever.

One writer claimed, "it is possible that in 50 years people will sit around and talk about those who were football’s finest; they will speak of Sayers and Payton and Unitas and Montana and Marino, but they may very well save a sentence for someone else, and that someone might be Joe Mauer."

At the time, Florida State was the premier football program in the nation. They had come off three straight national championship appearances and were chock full of future NFL players. And they had Joe Mauer.

Mauer's verbal agreement that he would be wearing garnet and gold after high school made Florida State the number one recruiting class of 2001. Mauer was to fit in behind Chris Rix and compete with Adrian McPherson for future field general of the Seminoles. With hindsight being what it is, there was probably little doubt Mauer would have even taken the job from Rix before Rix's graduation. With Mauer, the Florida State dynasty was set to continue.

Then Mauer "turned down (his) football scholarship from Florida State University to enter the Major League Baseball Draft". Despite a verbal commitment, Mauer was off to play baseball. According to Sam Mellinger of The Kansas City Star, Bobby Bowden remained so enamored by Mauer's potential he claimed he would "keep a scholarship open for Mauer 12 years after he was done with baseball".

Would Derek Jeter dare break a verbal agreement of that magnitude? Although Jeter received a scholarship to play baseball in Michigan, there is no evidence he let the Wolverine program hang out to dry. Jeter is a class act and a gentleman. Had someone with Jeter's character and the skills of Mauer committed to FSU, there is little doubt he would have been a Seminole. He would have followed his word.

It is for that reason that I can not possibly endorse Joe Mauer for AL MVP. Mauer may have the statistical advantage, he may be the greatest player in the American League, and he may even be seven feet tall and shoot fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. But after what he did to Florida State University, Joe Mauer does not have the moral composition to be a most valuable player.

(This post was of course written by an FSU alumnus.)

How to Interact With Girls on Twitter by Brian Spaeth

2009-09-17T21:09:00.001-04:00

E-migo Brian Spaeth is doing a virtual tour promoting his new movie and other ventures. You know what that means: Guest Post!

HOW TO INTERACT WITH GIRLS ON TWITTER

I've known Jordi for several years now, and pretty much at every turn I screw him over in some way - one time I had him write on my old website for like 4 months (more like 18 months, ed.), and then I deleted all his posts later.

What's wrong with me.

Anyway, I know he's been getting active in social networking and social media and social internetting and being social online and also Twitter. As such - and because I am a self-perceived expert in these areas - I've decided to give Jordi something for his website blog.

Here is - as clearly as I can state them - the best ways to meet - and not meet - girls on Twitter. I didn't create all of these, but I've certainly perfected them.

1) Don't swear. Look at it this way - there are many girls who are offended by swearing, but very few who are offended by not swearing. Swearing was impressive when you were 12.

2) Be action-packed in your picture. There's a reason I have a picture that's action-packed looking. It's so girls think I'm always on an exciting adventure while I do my important Twitter typing.

3) Never, ever talk about how raw Green Lantern is in your profile. Stuff like this maybe only works for me.

4) Legalities aside, if you're over 24 or so, don't follow 18-year olds. For real - the 25-year olds find it off-setting, and like...just don't do it. 19-year olds are fine.

NOTE: In an odd bit of counter-point, I just looked, and 75% of the people I follow are 18-year old girls.

5) Along those same lines, is it "18-year olds" or "18 year-olds". Hyphen placement perplexes me, especially since my personal abandonment of the question mark. Oh - don't mess with grammar at all, or imply you lack education. Girls hate this.

6) Don't do sexual innuendo in public. Like any males who follow you are just gonna think it's weird, and any females who respond to it are just giggling at you with their friends. They're not giggling with you.

NOTE: SERIOUSLY, DON'T DO THIS. NO JOKES HERE.

7) Don't talk about how you hate dogs. This only works for me. In cases where this is done and it's not me, it's unsettling for females.

8) Don't be arrogant and self-absorbed. This is another that only I seem able to pull off.

9) You shouldn't Tweet about how you're going to the gym, unless you're doing it with fake bad grammar with an implication of an aversion to dogs, and also to meet 18-year old girls.

10) Be yourself. Also, if you search for "Grey's Anatomy", that's where all the good-looking girls are. Also "Gossip Girl", but that's only for 18-year olds, and you know you shouldn't be talking to them on Twitter anyway.

Which of these do you think are real and which are not. Also, do you think Jordi should delete this post one day -

Brian Spaeth is the writer and star of Who Shot Mamba?, a Broadband Motion Picture debuting October 13th on Koldcast.tv. You can see the first teaser-trailer on the website, and the second exclusively at the Facebook Page. Brian has also published two novels, and writes regularly at his own blog.

Eulogies for the Eliminated 2009: Part 1

2009-09-16T00:53:00.002-04:00

Dearly Beloved,

As we did over at ye other locale, we are here to bury those whose hopes and aspirations have left us. Those who find themselves riding out the end their journey with little but the accomplishments of their parts to show for it. Yet it is in those parts, when taken as a whole, where their failure and the cause of their demise resides.

We are those who hope, love, and feel for the departed. We throw all of our being into their existence. And now, when even the greatest prayer goes unanswered, we are left alone. Cold and shivering as if it is we who are aside Lucifer in Dante's 8th circle. Yet all we have done is care.

So now, once again we pray to the Great Creator Doubleday. May he take the souls of the departed, and leave us with the memory of better days. When hope sprang eternal and the spark of optimism burned like wildfire.

We begin by burying the most meek of them all, for they will inherit nothing. They have lived a pathetic, meager existence, although if tradition bears true, there is hope that their legacy will plant the seeds of the fruits of success. But even that far off dream provides little shelter from the cold chill and putrid odor of their present failures.

To the 2009 Washington Nationals: Although hope and change rode in to town months earlier, few would waste time believing in you. Despite rumors of immortal wretchedness, you persisted in a dismal, yet comfortable, existence. You were even so bold as to acquire a donkey to help carry you. As if he had shoulders broader than Atlas. Now, of course, we know he was a solitary stopgap. Through your death however will arrive two prophets; the first of whom, the golden arm child, has already been seen. He, along with one who will arrive in the coming summer months, are your future. But for now, may you rest in peace.

To the 2009 Pittsburgh Pirates: Whereas others may have had hope, or even the slightest reason to be excited, your life was doomed from inception. Although you claimed to have a "plan", you lived a meaningless life, with the only significance being your beautiful, yet underappreciated home. May you rest in peace.

To the 2009 Kansas City Royals: For one who accomplished so little, you were the recipient of the words of many great men. Men with wisdom, men with sage, and men whose advice you blatantly ignored. Although you claimed to want to change, you began your life with an ill-fated philosophy and held steady, like a drunken sailor drifting against a storm. And when the world proved you wrong, and your boat sank with the ease of a lead brick, you laughed with denial. You may even deny your death, but it is true. May you rest in peace.

To the 2009 Baltimore Orioles: Another poor life in a palace home. It is difficult to have pity on you. You have blatantly blasphemed by being below buoyancy and bearing the burden of the bottom. You had history and grace on your side, a heritage of pride and success. Until you and your current generation. I will however say that you have glanced to the future, sacrificing yourself for the greater emergence. But that may be a pipedream, a sham, and a fraud on the way to continuing your new unfortunate tradition of early burial. We shall see. But for now, may you rest in peace.

To the 2009 Arizona Diamondbacks: You hinged your success on the fragile thread of a web. When that snapped, you fell down to the mortal coil. Then you became an enigmatic freakshow of talented youth and inconsistent journeymen. You had the king of misses, the brother of a puzzle, and the son of a gridiron great. Perhaps one day these pieces will be greater than their current places in history. But that day is not today. May you rest in peace.

A thought about blogs and other thoughts about other stuff

2009-09-15T02:18:00.004-04:00

Blogs are often a reflection of the writer. For many, they are a gumbo of insight, intellect, bias, humor, and pop culture, with a dash of general post-college disillusionment. While they discuss their favorite topics, bloggers speak with passion more often seen at the kitchen table than in sanitized corporate settings.

----------------------------------

Today I went into a CD shop. I bought a used CD. When I went up the counter, the cashier said my used CD was "pre-owned". I asked him if I left the store with the CD, would he consider it "owned"? He said yes. Then I asked him what he would think if I returned it. Would that be considered "post-owned"? He said if I returned it, the CD would resort back to being "pre-owned". I'm pretty sure that logic somehow defies Einstein's laws of space-time.

By the way, the local foodstore had Cookie Crisp on sale, buy one, get one free. I am stocked up through winter.

Today is SeriousTipMas

2009-09-14T00:09:00.000-04:00

Today is The Serious Tip's 3rd birthday. Three years. In Internet years, that's a long time to be blogging. Here in the online world, where a week of popularity gets you a million hits and a cup of coffee, I've been around for an eon. I've seen 'em come and seen them go. I've seen people turn their blogging habit into a living and others who have walked away and moved to other pastures.

The Serious Tip started during the Great Sports Blog Emergence of 2006, when sports-related blogs were popping out of the wazoo. Back then I would definitely call myself a "sports blog". I wrote about the Mets, Knicks, and Noles nearly every post. As the days, months, and years went on, I wrote less about sports, although I have written a lot about the Rays. Even with the success of the local teams on my mind, I have drifted further and further from the sports label. Now, I wouldn't even call myself a sports blogger. I am more of a "whatever I feel like" blogger.

If I would have to venture a guess as to why The Serious Tip is drifting, I would say that I am getting bored. I still love writing. I love knowing that someone is reading what I write. I love telling stories. I love delving into views and aspects that most people don't think of. Most of all, I love creating. But unfortunately I am not sure if I am attaining those goals here currently at The Serious Tip.

Don't get me wrong, I am not planning on abandoning my group of very loyal readers. Some of you have been here since day one. For that I am definitely appreciative. Don't worry, whatever happens I fully want this site to be part of my personal expansion and development. I have put too much work in to walk away from The Serious Tip. But if you see a few changes around here, please be patient and embrace them. After three years, it is time for The Serious Tip and my writing career to grow up.

Thanks for three great years and here's to many more. Happy SeriousTipMas.

For real and on the real, real talk about the word Really and some other stuff

2009-09-10T02:29:00.000-04:00

I found this article by anthropologist Grant McCracken really interesting. McCracken has surmised that Americans have changed how we use the word "really" from one that is "spoken with the upward lilt of a question" to one that "usually comes with an emphatic downturn in tone".

What do you mean by "really" really?: that American culture is under renovation?

It's definitely worth your time to read. Really.

(I love this part of one of the comments:

I think of "new" really being said before by Mom's.
Kid:"I didn't knock the lamp over, an alien did it!"
Mom:"Really.")

Personally, I think we should all aspire to have at least one "first-really" moment daily in our lives. Those are the ones made from childlike discovery. We should never assume to know everything that is going to happen. That would make us presumptuous and second-guessing - making us a "second-really" person. Those people should have no friends.

Really.

By the way, the other day I was talking about closemindedness and people's tendencies to not be open to new stuff as they get older (i.e. the loss of childlike discovery). After I used the stereotypical 50-something white American male as an example, some random guy walked up to me and said "Well, that will be you in 5 years, I guarantee". This bothered me so much that when I got home I blasted Tupac, popped in a Best of Allen Iverson DVD, and started reading Leonard Peltier.

Tracy McGrady's Darfur Documentary

2009-09-09T00:33:00.002-04:00

I have been waiting for this to be released for a while. I haven't seen it yet, so I am not sure how good it is, but I have read some really good reviews.

For example, from ESPN's True Hoop blog:

"As McGrady goes deeper into the region and the stories of bloodshed become more grotesque, his mild observations evolve into expressions of heartfelt concern. The most profound and heartbreaking lesson we learn from 3 Points is that the victims of Darfur know that there are people nearby who want to slaughter them and their families (they've witnessed as much). But they're completely unaware that there are people who want to help.

It's this reality that drives McGrady more than anything."

Tracy McGrady's 3 Points

(Update @ 3:00 AM: Please take an hour to watch this. It is an amazing film and McGrady should be applauded for his efforts. This is not a celebrity going through the motions like we too often see. This is a man, albeit one who plays basketball for a living, having his eyes opened to real strife, struggle, and tragedy and trying to make a difference.)

Adventures in computer buying and the art of patience

2009-09-08T23:59:00.000-04:00

Like the able grasshopper of ancient Samurai-era Japan, getting myself back online took skill, determination, persistance, and plenty of patience. Fortunately, it didn't involve the use of any swords. Almost, but not quite.

(By the way, check this video out from National Geographic about a Chinese sword maker who uses human bones in the forging process.)

As you may or may not know, my ancient computer went kaput ten days ago. Stupid virus took out my windows registry. It was a sad moment as that machine had been with me for six years, through thick and thin, grad school, over 500 blog posts, and one or two excusions into the deepest, darkest dungeons of cyberspace.

(Not that one of those excursions caused me to download the virus. Nope. No way. Not at all.)

Unfortunately, as there is no cash for clunkers program for computers, I had to scrounge up a few hundred thousand pennies for buying a new machine. Something I had not planned for following my sojourn to Memphis only a month ago. Not helping matters was the fact that someone slimy scoundrel stole some money from me via a fraudulent transaction in Surprise, Arizona.

(Yup. I caught a computer virus and was a victim of bank fraud in the same week. How very 21st century of me.)

So after laboriously counting the nickels, dimes, and a few quarters I did have and cancelling all my cards, I went to the ol' Best Buy to check out their wares and find a laptop. Althought not intending to buy, I brought the Blackberry and seriously reviewed every single laptop they had. At first I wasn't too impressed, both with the selection and the service. I'm not a big salesperson person, and I hate when I see several salesfolks led customers to the same item. It makes it seem like they are pushing something they are trying to get rid of.

Frustrated, I left computer-less.

The next day I went back, once again ready to buy at Best Buy. This time I brought my checkbook, since of course my cards were no good. After once again going through the options, I settled on an HP. I strolled on up to the cashier, wrote the check, and lo and behold, my check was no good. Apparently, my check fit the profile of a fraudulent check. I think that's irony.

So I left without a computer for the second day.

Day three, I was intent on buying a new computer, problems be damned. As Puffy sang, can't nothing hold me down. For the third time, I went to Best Buy around 1pm. Unfortunately, they were sold out of my machine. By this time, I didn't care if I had to drive to Miami to get this computer, no deity was going to stop me from buying the computer I wanted.

After asking where I can buy the computer of my dreams, I had to drive nearly 30 minutes to the next closest Best Buy. Supposedly, they had eight of my computer left. Of course, when I got there, they had only two. Two of my dream machines, with one little catch: they were both already tinkered with by the Geek Squad and would cost an additional 70 bucks. At this point, I didn't care.

I walked out with my computer, finally happy.

Then I discovered it didn't come with an AC adapter.

Ugh.

The Serious Tip Flashback: SportsCenter 100K

2009-09-07T23:58:00.003-04:00

Being that its ESPN and SportsCenter's 30th birthday, I figure it is a good time to flashback to one of my favorite posts from the olden days of The Serious Tip: from February 2007, a calcuation exercise on when ESPN will broadcast their 35th, 40th, 50th, and all the way to their 100,000th SportsCenter:

SportsCenter 100K

Adventures away from blogging - Links on Lime Juice, Vodka, Tea, Chili, the Potato, the Sky, and the Number Zero

2009-09-07T21:32:00.005-04:00

Ok, after a complete adventure in buying a new computer (and a post for another day), I am finally back. Of course, during that time I was still reading other sites and blogs. Here are a few posts I found most interesting, humorous, or amazingly spectacular.

(Yup, it's a link post. I haven't done one of these since I started posting on Twitter and Facebook.)

From my old friends over at Thunder Matt's Saloon, did you know Lime Juice is a super cure for just about everything?

Behold the power of Lime Juice - Thunder Matt's Saloon

Henry Abbott of ESPN's True Hoop talks about the NBA's twitter policy:

A Few Points on Twitter - True Hoop

Via World History Blog, a site about civilizations and their obsession and fascination with the mystery of the sky:

Ancient-Skies: Human Culture and Their Skies

Via Hardrock Hideout, former Skid Row frontman Sebastian Bach is putting out a country album:

Rock Whiplash - Rock Goes Country

Via National Geographic.com, the Internet celebrated a birthday:

The Internet's 40th "Birthday" - National Geographic.com

Another one from the bartenders at Thunder Matt's Saloon:

Count Chocula Infused Vodka - Thunder Matt's Saloon

Yale Global Online put out some really great posts on the history of things we use everyday.

The History of Zero

The History of the Potato

The History of Coffee

The History of Chili

and finally, Deadspin's review of the New York Mets' pathetic 2009 season:

The 2009 New York Mets: A Season of Failure - Deadspin.com

The Man has struck me down

2009-08-30T21:26:00.003-04:00

Sorry folks, but I fear I have fallen victim to The Man's evil doings. A wicked uncontollable virus struck my computer late last week and destroyed my Windows registry. So far, I have been unable to fix it. I am now in the market for a new system (preferrably a laptop). If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know in the comments.

We will return to our regularly unscheduled blog postings as soon as possible.

Thanks.

A Journey to Memphis and the Crossroads: Part 6: Falling down on my knees

2009-08-30T21:15:00.001-04:00

I promise this the last post about my vacation, especially considering I have been back home for three weeks. (I am really milking this, aren't I? To be perfectly honest, I've been really busy with some personal issues and this is ideal filler, given you guys are actually reading it.)

Anyway, after visiting Memphis I drove an hour and a half down Highway 61 to legendary Clarksdale, Mississippi, birthplace of the blues and the place where Robert Johnson supposedly made his deal with the Devil. Unfortunately, modern times have changed the landscape of Highway 61, as it is now several miles east of its original route. The real legendary crossroads is now the intersection of Hwy 49 and Hwy 161, which, as I was surprised to learn, is a rather busy intersection. I'm not sure how ol' Robert Johnson could have negotiated with the Devil without being seen; it's definitely not at all like the crossroads in the Ralph Macchio movie.

(By the way, there is an amazing BBQ joint called Abe's at the crossroads. According to the Abe's menu, it is very possible Robert Johnson might just have been munching on some BBQ when the Devil arrived. Being that Johnson made his deal in the early to mid-1930's and Abe's has been there since the 20's, their claim might be true. Although, to be perfectly honest, I don't know why the Devil would concern himself with something as useless as a soul when there is tasty BBQ in the area. The Devil works in mysterious ways, I guess.)

While in Clarksdale, I caught all the high point tourist places: the Delta Blues Museum, the Ground Zero Blues Club, Red's Juke Joint, and I even stayed at the world famous Riverside Inn. All of these are highly recommended not only for blues fans, but for anyone who wants to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city life and go to a place more simple, a place more quiet, and a place where you can kick back, grab some BBQ and a sweet tea, and listen to some good ol' American music the way it's supposed to be played: with heart, with feeling, and from the soul.

A Journey to Memphis and the Crossroads Part 5: The Reader's Digest Condensed Semi-Conclusion

2009-08-25T02:31:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago I began chronicling my vacation to downtown Memphis and the Mississippi Delta. Unfortunately, due to my own laziness, I never finished the project. If you remember, I got through Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4 and left with the command for you to "Tune in tomorrow as I discuss my trip to Sun Studio, the Stax Museum, and Graceland, home of the King."

Sorry about that. I hope you weren't expecting too much.

Well, the "tomorrow" I mentioned is now upon you. Sort of. Instead of typing a lengthy 500-or-more word review, I'm only going to say that Graceland is overrated but quirky, the Sun Studio is one of the most important cultural landmarks in America, and the Stax Museum is amazingly underrated. I was most impressed by the Stax Museum, awed by the Sun Studio, and comically amused by the decadence of Elvis's crib.

By the way, did you know Elvis is dead? They actually say so at Graceland. All this time I thought he was hanging out with Michael Jackson in a diner outside of Artesia, New Mexico. I don't know what to believe anymore.

Coming soon ... a review of my visit to Clarksdale, Mississippi, the Sunflower River Blues and Gospel Fest, and the locally produced blues documentary "M For Mississippi".

Paul Wall versus The Man

2009-08-24T01:12:00.007-04:00

Last week, blogger Rafi Kam of the blog Oh Word wrote an awesome piece on rapper Ice Cube's classic hit "It Was a Good Day". To summarize, Rafi Kam said that although most people now take the song out of context, Ice Cube's classic isn't "really about some kick-ass day. The day singled out was remarkable because for once none of the usual bullshit associated with the terror of life in the hood reared its ugly head. No hassle from carjackers or police, no one killed, the narrator can’t believe he didn’t even have to shoot at somebody."

In other words, for one day in his life, Ice Cube didn't have to put up with The Man.

Saturday night, another hip-hop star, Texas rapper Paul Wall, battled The Man in a more modern forum, the online world of Twitter. Once again, Ice Cube's lyrics played a central role.

(That's right, another Twitter-related post.)

Below is the actual exchange between Paul Wall (aka @paulwallbaby) and The Man (aka @TheManInc) that occurred approximately 2AM, Aug 23rd, 2009.

@paulwallbaby: Dodgers won, Astros won, i landed in iraq safely.... today was a good day

@TheManInc: @paulwallbaby I mess up your good day and I don't roll right past you. I look in your direction as you run the intersection.

@paulwallbaby: @TheManInc no barkin from the dog. no smog

@TheManInc: @paulwallbaby I break up your fly dreams and flash the high beams. I look for the murder n close before 2AM so u can't get the fat burger.

@paulwallbaby: @TheManInc i gotta go cause i got me a drop top

@TheManInc: @paulwallbaby I stop you from going on the court and causing trouble and I especially prevent you from getting a triple double.

@paulwallbaby: @TheManInc what about getting a beep from kim

@TheManInc: @paulwallbaby I swoop in n get girls when u try to hook it up for l8r n I don't let u pick up girls u've been trying 2 get w since 12th grd

After this illustrious battle of wits and one-liners, Paul Wall decided to follow The Man's twitter feed to monitor any further broadcasts by The Man. Smart move.

Oh by the way, props to Paul Wall for entertaining the troops in Iraq. If anyone knows about The Man and his daily BS, it's the members of our military.

Live Baseball on Twitter

2009-08-23T14:01:00.007-04:00

There is absolutely no doubt Twitter is revolutionizing the web. It is permeating every aspect of what we do online, making it live and instantaneous. It has the ability to make anyone a part of "the media".

Today, on the 70th anniversary of the first ever baseball TV broadcast, the Hudson Valley Renegades, a Class-A minor league team of the Tampa Bay Rays, is taking baseball broadcasts into the Twitter universe. Via a website called twitcam.com, the Renegades are (currently in the 3rd inning as of 1:55pm) live streaming their game against the Staten Island Yankees.

So far they have nearly 70 viewers and have several people discussing the game through twitter with each other and the Hudson Valley Renegades twitter feed (@HVRENEGADES). There are even family members of the Renegades tuning in and contributing to the discussion. No word yet on whether there are any fans on location chiming in.

Yes, this is the future.

I wonder if they will incorporate sideline reporters into the Twitter discussion like someone (me) suggested?

Hudson Valley Renegades vs. Staten Island Yankees Live on Twitter

Update: Here is the broadcast as of 2:11pm, an hour and 4 minutes into the game.

Back in my day we pitched 12 hours a day, barefoot, and uphill both ways

2009-08-20T23:11:00.002-04:00

A little over a week and a half ago, the New York Times ran an article on the growing number of high school and junior high pitchers going under the knife. Of course, this article evoked reactions from quite a few baseball fans and writers. Many gasped in terror to the thought of coaches putting young careers on the line for the sake of local championships.

Maybe I am showing my age, but when I was growing up I never played for a travel team, an all-star team, or even attended a baseball camp. I played in the Melbourne, Florida Little League. I played one season in one organized league per year. That was it. However, when not playing little league, I played in hundreds, if not thousands, of pick-up games with friends. You know the type. It was the baseball most kids played before Wii's and PS3's lobotomized the youth.

During my street baseball heyday, I played on several different fields, all with different rules. You had the stickball game, with automatics, a chalk strike zone on the back of building, and usually a rubber ball. There were the games on a real field, with "deadzones" - areas in which if you hit the ball to you were automatically out. There were games in the front yard, played both up the driveway or across the yard (these were generally abandoned at the age of 12). Then there was my most common field, the street.

Games in the street had much more room than games in the yard, were more contained than games on a real ballfield, and you could usually have bases, which made it more "realistic" than the stickball games. In my early to mid-teens, a few friends and I usually played ball on my block, with mailboxes for first base, a spare mitt for second, and a mark on a curb for third. For home, we had an actual rubber home plate, backed up by either a pitchback or a strategically configured stack of bicycles. Home runs were usually based on common agreement as long as the ball landed past the driveway of a neighboring home. It wasn't The Sandlot, but it was our field.*

(Interesting aside part 1: a year ago or so I went back to my old block with the kids of my brother's then girlfriend. As we tossed around a ball and played a game somewhat similar to pepper, a car came down the road. Not totally unexpected, as we were playing in the street. However, instead of showing contempt as the drivers did back when I was growing up, the driver actually commented how refreshing it was to see kids playing ball in the street again. I guess they don't do that anymore.)

No matter where played or what style of game we played, there was one common theme: if you pitched, you were the pitcher for the whole game. And, for better or for worse, I was a pitcher. I threw wiffle balls, tennis balls, baseballs, or whatever else we used. It wasn't uncommon for me to throw a steady mix of fastballs, change-ups, split-fingers, and knuckleballs for hours on end. I didn't have a pitching coach, an instructor, or anyone else who knew anything about mechanics or proper technique.* There were no "high-pressure" or "low pressure" pitches. There was only going outside in the 90+ degree Florida sun and pretending to be everyone from Dwight Gooden to Dave Fleming (don't ask). Heck, I don't even remember taking much time to warm-up.

(Interesting aside part 2: For years I wondered why my fastball rode in on right-handed batters. Almost always. I thought it was just natural left-handed movement. A few years ago, however, I found out that for all those years I was throwing a two-seam fastball. I didn't know you could throw a fastball any other way.)

My point is, are there still kids today who played as I did? These aren't the kids who have people "protecting" their potential baseball careers, the ones with parents who can whisk them off to highly regarded surgeons for ligament surgery. There was no way my parents could have afforded to bring me to Dr. Andrews after I hurt my arm, and yes it did happen. It happened when I was 16 or so, after years of pick-up games, numerous little league seasons, and thousands of unsupervised pitches.

I don't remember the exact date, all I remember is one summer a friend and I played a game a day for almost two weeks. That's at least 75 or so pitches for approximately ten straight days (that's 750 pitches for those counting at home.) Needless to say, towards the end of the second week my arm hurt. Yet, despite the pain, I went out and pitched again. As you could expect, my arm hurt even more.

Was I disappointed that when my arm stopped hurting I could no longer throw as hard? Of course I was. But that's life. That was the Good Lord's way of telling me I was never going to pitch at Shea Stadium, I wasn't going to be the next Frank Viola or John Smiley (again, don't ask), and I had no chance at making a living playing baseball.

But of course that didn't stop me from giving it one last try.

Debating Nick Anderson

2009-08-18T01:47:00.005-04:00

Last weekend I had the pleasure of meeting Whit Watson of Sun Sports/Fox Sports Florida (check out his blog here). Of course, being that he is a sports reporter and I consider myself a sports fan/occasional sports blogger, and being that we are both in Florida and have been for several years, we started talking about Florida sports teams. Shocking, I know.

Included in our vast Florida sports conversation was a discussion on the Orlando Magic (odd, especially considering we had just both left the Rays-Blue Jays game.). For those who are familiar with Whit's work, he was a television producer and radio reporter for the Orlando Magic from 1993 through 1997. Now, in his capacity with Sun Sports/Fox Sports Florida, Whit hosts Magic broadcasts and reports from Magic games. Needless to say, he knows his Magic basketball.

Eventually our conversation drifted from the current Magic team to the 1994-1995 Eastern Conference Championship team (aka "the team that lost to the Houston Rockets in the 1995 NBA Finals"). On the subject of this Magic team, Whit said something I could hardly believe. He asserted that during the 1994-1995 season Magic guard Nick Anderson and small forward Dennis Scott were among the top five in their respective positions.

(Actually, his complete assertion was that the Magic had top five players at every position. I didn't argue Shaq, Penny Hardaway, and Horace Grant.)

I've always thought Nick Anderson and Dennis Scott were good, but top five at their position in 94-95? Since I put up a bit of a challenge to his claim, Whit sort of conceded Dennis Scott, but challenged me to write a post and prove him either right or wrong on Anderson. Ok ....

First and foremost, let's look at Anderson's stats in 1994-1995. (All stats acquired from Basketball-Reference.com.)

Nick Anderson - Orlando Magic:
Basic stats:
Points per game: 15.8
Assists per game 4.1
Rebounds per game 4.4

Advanced stats:
Player Efficiency Rating 17.5
Offensive Win Shares: 5.8
Defensive Win Shares: 2.7
Total Win Shares: 8.5
WS as a % of team wins: 14.91

Ok, now let's look at some of the other quality shooting guards from that year.

Mitch Richmond - Sacramento Kings
Basic stats:
Points per game: 22.8
Assists per game 3.8
Rebounds per game 4.4

Advanced stats:
Player Efficiency Rating 17.2
Offensive Win Shares: 4.9
Defensive Win Shares: 3.0
Total Win Shares: 7.9
WS as a % of total team wins: 20.25

Reggie Miller - Indiana Pacers
Basic stats:
Points per game: 19.6
Assists per game 3.0
Rebounds per game 2.6

Advanced stats:
Player Efficiency Rating 20.1
Offensive Win Shares: 8.3
Defensive Win Shares: 2.7
Total Win Shares: 11
WS as a % of total team wins: 21.15

Clyde Drexler - Portland Trailblazers/Houston Rockets
Basic stats:
Points per game 21.8
Assists per game 4.8
Rebounds per game 4.3

Advanced stats:
Player Efficiency Rating 22.4
Offensive Win Shares: 8.1
Defensive Win Shares: 3.7
Total Win Shares: 11.8
WS as a total of team wins: 26% w/ Portland, 33% w/ Houston = 28.7%

(By the way, did you know Houston was actually only 16-18 during the 94-95 season after acquiring Drexler? I guess he didn't jell until the post-season.)

Michael Jordan - Chicago Bulls
Basic stats:
Points per game: 26.9
Assists per game 5.3
Rebounds per game 6.9

Advanced stats:
Player Efficiency Rating 22.1
Offensive Win Shares: 1.2
Defensive Win Shares: 1.1
Total Win Shares: 2.3
WS as a % of total team wins: 4.8 w/ Bulls, ~ 1 w/ Birmingham Barons

John Starks - New York Knicks
Basic stats:
Points per game: 15.3
Assists per game 5.1
Rebounds per game 2.7

Advanced stats:
Player Efficiency Rating 13.8
Offensive Win Shares: 2.7
Defensive Win Shares: 3.3
Total Win Shares: 6.1
WS as a % of total team wins: 11.09

Dan Majerle - Phoenix Suns
Basic stats:
Points per game: 15.6
Assists per game 4.1
Rebounds per game 4.6

Advanced stats:
Player Efficiency Rating 15.1
Offensive Win Shares: 6.2
Defensive Win Shares: 1.7
Total Win Shares: 8
WS as a % of total team wins: 13.5

Survey says ...

According to his Win Shares as a percentage of his team's wins, Anderson was at best fourth, less important to his team's success than Richmond, Drexler, and Miller, but better than Majerle and Starks (Starks is still one of my favorites though). Richmond was more of a scorer, responsible for more of the workload in Sacramento, and Drexler and Miller are two of the game's best at the position. Sure, Anderson's ranking takes full advantage of Jordan's "baseball experiment", but based on my crude analysis, I'm forced to agree with Whit Watson. Perhaps Anderson was a top five shooting guard during the 1994-95 season.

Who knew?

Leaving the Saloon and I'm Taking the Baby With Me

2009-08-14T00:23:00.003-04:00

Even though I've only been able to drink legally for a decade, I come across some memorable bartenders. There were the big sports fans, the beer connoisseurs, the music fans, and of course, the ladies. All of whom made drinking even more enjoyable then it usually is. A good barkeep not only makes you feel welcome, but makes you feel at home, no matter had bad, how hole-in-the-wall, how run-down, or how much of a dump the place you are drinking is.

I tried my hand at bartending once. For three weeks, I worked once a week at a bar in Tallahassee. It was the end of December and I was supposed to hold the place down while the girls who normally worked there took their Christmas/Winter breaks. It really wasn't difficult, to be honest. Then again, the most people I had at the bar at one time was three - my roommate, some random guy, and a homeless guy.

Although I worked probably close to 20 hours, I didn't bring home a red cent. Not only did I not get paid, but I actually lost money. One night the aforementioned homeless guy came in and said he knew the owner and that the owner said to give him 10 bucks for some nearby McDonalds. Since I had seen the homeless fellow in the place before talking to the owner, I assumed maybe they were tight. I was wrong. Needless to say, the owner was not happy and I had to pay back the ten bucks, which considering I worked for tips, and I wouldn't take my roommate's money (it would go for food or beer for our fridge either way), meant I had to pay back the bar out of my own pocket.

Yup, I might be the only person who lost money working in a bar in a college town.

I tell this tale because my second saloon stint, albeit this time online, has come to a close. I will no longer be blogging over at Thunder Matt's Saloon. They've decided to be more Cubs-centric and filter out any of the Tampa riff-raff they had floating around. But they did give me a nice severance package: a case of Old Style and a beat-up Cubs hat. So I have that going for me.

Anyway, I wasn't the only one recently given the boot from El Saloon de Thunder Matt. A few weeks ago, the cops found out about little Baby Hack Wilson and his residence in the back of the Saloon. They not only took him away but threw him in jail for a while. So rumor has it he is not allowed in the Saloon anymore. Well, little buddy, that makes two of us.

The End of the Bottle: Baby Hack's Sad Farewell

A Journey to Memphis and the Crossroads Part 4: Panhandlers, Gibson Guitars, Watching the Rays, and the Best Ribs I've Ever Had

2009-08-13T00:35:00.002-04:00

Wow, it seems like I have doing this series for almost as long as I was on vacation. So to speed up the process, I am just taking selective tweets and elaborating on them and their meaning.

By the way, if for whatever reason you haven't read Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3, follow the links.

a guy on the street asked me for 23 cents today. i think he was a big lebron fan. #vacation #whimsy 9:29 PM Aug 3rd

dear #memphis if i go off on the next panhandler, its your fault. you have a problem in your city. 9:47 PM Aug 4th

These tweets, although a day apart, definitely go together. If there were two negatives in Memphis it was the mosquitoes (worse than in Florida), and the beggars. By Day 2 I realized wearing my Rays made me an obvious tourist. So did going to the ATM, carrying souvenirs, wearing a blues-related t-shirt, or generally being on Beale St. It is one thing to be asked for a dollar once in a while, but the Memphis homeless do nothing short of harass people. I know the economy is rough, but my kindness has limits.

Greetings once again from #memphis. @ gibson #guitar factory. why no cameras allowed? 1:02 PM Aug 4th

Question not asked @ #gibson #guitar factory: where do they make air guitars? 1:47 PM Aug 4th

Being that Memphis is one of America's music capitals, it only makes sense that someone build instruments there. And there is no missing the Gibson Guitar plant. Although they don't really make clear how to buy a ticket, the plant is definitely worth checking out. Did you know a majority of the time it takes to make a guitar is spent on painting and lacquering? And that when a mistake is made the Gibson Guitar people don't fret?

Just ate @ rendezvous in #memphis. damn good ribs. 9:42 PM Aug 4th

No trip to Memphis is complete without a visit to Rendezvous for some ribs, so said several people when I told them of my pending trip. With so many recommendations, I had to check it out. It did not disappoint. Fantastic. And to boot I sat next to two locals who told me about the city, the landmarks, and suggested several things for me to do while in town. Did I mention Rendezvous was around the corner from my hotel? Great times, indeed.

thanks #rays tweeters. on vacation, following the game thru you guys. 10:25 PM Aug 4th

come on #rays tweeters give me good news. i'm on beale st and i dont want the blues. 11:40 PM Aug 4th

if i am drunk before the #rays win, we have a problem. i started drinkin in 8th inning. #rays 11:53 PM Aug 4th

oops not trying to jinx, i meant whenb #rays end. stupid beer tweeting there. 11:58 PM Aug 4th

yay #rays i'll tip a shiner bock for ya. thanks #rays tweeters! 12:14 AM Aug 5th

My use of Twitter while in Memphis wasn't just commenting and pushing opinions. Through Twitter I was able to follow along as the Rays took on the rival Boston Red Sox. Rays fans such as @RaysIndex, @m_weber, and @draysbay provided plenty of real-time updates throughout what would eventually become a 13 inning marathon. Although I could have sought game updates on ESPN.com or some other sports site, reading along on Twitter made the experience much more authentic. Like fellow Rays fans were right there alongside me.

Tune in tomorrow as I discuss my trip to Sun Records, the Stax Museum, and Graceland, home of the King.

A Journey to Memphis and the Crossroads Part 3: AutoZone Park

2009-08-12T02:04:00.003-04:00

While in Memphis I had the opportunity to visit AutoZone Park, home of the Memphis Redbirds. Being that the ballpark was only a block away from my hotel, it was an absolute no-brainer that I would spend one night taking in a game.

Instead of the format I used to describe the first few days of my trip, I decided to post my Memphis-related baseball experience over at Thunder Matt's Saloon, home of those fine connoisseurs of baseball knowledge and appreciation. So swing on by the Saloon and read about my trip to Redbird country.

Bartenders on Location: A Visit to Autozone Park in Memphis, TN

Here is Part 1.

Here is Part 2.

A Journey to Memphis and the Crossroads Part 2: The National Civil Rights Museum

2009-08-10T23:49:00.001-04:00

Welcome to Part 2 of the extensive recap of my trip to Memphis. As I did in Part 1, I am again going to use my twitter updates as the basis for the post.

If you missed Part 1, click here.

Day 2:

at national civil wrights museum in #memphis. 4:22 PM Aug 3rd

Although I initially didn't realize the National Civil Right Museum was in Memphis, it became an absolute must that I visit. And I was very impressed. What could have been a black eye and a major scar on the city's history had been transformed into very well constructed museum.

seeing black kids at nat civil rights museum having no clue who jim crow is is both good and bad. glad they are learning it as history. 4:24 PM Aug 3rd

I was very impressed to see numerous groups of teachers and students at the National Civil Rights Museum. We have made so much progress in the last fifty years, as evident by children who have no idea who Jim Crow is. They have every right to be disgusted and appalled when they are told who "he" was.

Although it might take longer, integration is much better than forcing a homeland. #memphis 4:48 PM Aug 3rd

I'll admit, this statement is more than a little controversial. At least I meant it that way. But I look at the situation in places like Israel and I look at the US, and I am glad the African-American community pushed for integration, instead of using the tragedy of slavery to establish their own "homeland".

reconstruction in the south very similiar to efforts in iraq. #politics 4:51 PM Aug 3rd

It's funny how we lose historical perspective so quickly. There are many that argue that military forces should just be used for war fighting. But they forget that the military helped to rebuild the society in the Southern US after the Civil War. Until they were prematurely pulled out.

Ida wells - similiar to bloggers in iran, egypt, cuba, syria etc #civilrights 4:53 PM Aug 3rd

Ida Wells was an African-American journalist in the beginning of the 20th Century. She often wrote about the oppression blacks faced during the era of Jim Crow. As I am reading a book about bloggers in currently oppressive countries, I naturally made the comparison to Wells.

the bus @ the civil rights museum told me to get up and i did. as if i needed further evidence of rosa parks inner strength #civilrights 5:13 PM Aug 3rd

One of the exhibits in the Civil Rights Museum was a bus similar to the one ridden by Rosa Parks. When visitors board the museum bus, they are told to sit near a statue of Parks. Then a voice on the bus commands you to move and repeats the command several times, each time louder and louder. I got up.

sit in songs = early socially conscious hiphop #hiphop #civilrights 5:18 PM Aug 3rd

Again, I was comparing the methods of expression of the past with those of today.

bumper sticker in nat civil rights museum says jfk, rfk = commies. same statement used v obama today. 5:27 PM Aug 3rd

Of course, some things never change. I guess in America, progressive voices are always linked to communism.

sad when civil rights becomes a national security issue. in the u.s. or anywhere. 5:29 PM Aug 3rd

This was in response to exhibits that discussed the involvement of National Guard units in ensuring racial equality and equal access to educational facilities. Had the National Guard not gotten involved, the US may have seen increased regional violence.

"violence is outmoded as a solution to the problems of men" - james farmer. agreed 5:37 PM Aug 3rd

I liked this statement.

not sure if i agree w nat civil rights museum calling mob pic "a redneck mob". rednecks were striking wv coal workers. 5:43 PM Aug 3rd

I found this odd. I don't think the museum should have used the term "redneck" to describe white people in a picture unless those people are actually wearing red bandannas. Otherwise "redneck" is a derogatory slang term.

At lorainne hotel right where dr king was shot. eerie. 6:07 PM Aug 3rd

The museum is built into the Lorainne Hotel allowing visitors to look out the window of the room Dr. King stayed in. Visitors can see the window across the street where the killer made his lethal shot.

As much as my trip was about entertainment - seeing live music, exploring the origins of the blues, etc - it was also extremely educational. It is hard to believe that 50 years ago the US still had institutional racism in the guise of "separate but equal". Being raised in predominantly racially neutral regions (Long Island, NY and Central Florida) I had never seen the scars of segregation. The experience and realization that these events occured such a short time ago was definitely eye-opening.

Beyond anything else, my trip to the National Civil Rights Museum made me realize that although we have progressed greatly as a society towards a more equal America - as seen in the pictures of President Obama in the museum gift shop - there is no doubt we still have far to go.

Part 3 coming tomorrow.

A Journey to Memphis and the Crossroads Part 1: Beale St and the Rock 'n' Soul Museum

2009-08-10T00:22:00.000-04:00

Wow. Quite a few days have past since I last posted. Seven, if you are counting at home. Seven days in which my voice was not heard, my thoughts not spelled out, and my words not expressed on the screen for all to read. Seven long days. The longest break I have taken since the start of this blog.

As I mentioned/hinted in my last post, I was traveling to Memphis and the surrounding Mississippi Delta. It was my personal hajj, a trip that I have always wanted to take. A trip through the roots of a majority of African-American music in the 20th Century. A trip through the history of the blues, rock'n'roll, soul, and even country music.

Although I didn't post on here at all, I did utilize my capabilities on twitter to the utmost. Twitter became my travel log, a way to jot down my thoughts and reactions to everything I saw and experienced. Whereas I may have physically traveled alone, network-wise I brought all of my twitter followers along for the ride.

Of course, as with any big trip or major event I am going to spend time recapping. This time however, I am going to use my "tweets" as the base of my post and add in the details that 140 words couldn't capture.

(By the way, in case you don't follow me on Twitter it's @JordiScrubbings.)

Day 1:

At a place where they do airplaning. unfortunately my airplane is not 47 stories high. they dont know what they are missing. 12:22 PM Aug 2nd

For those not familiar with writer/blogger/actor/director/etc Brian Spaeth's work, this is a reference to his book "Prelude to a Super Airplane" and its 47-story super airliner.

I think I just saw Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson at the airplane place. I almost flipped out when I saw her. 12:25 PM Aug 2nd

I think this is self-explanatory, except that I kinda goofed up the punchline. As @ScalpEmOfficial pointed out, it would have been better had I just said "flipped", not "flipped out".

If you see a guy in a fro chillin on Beale St taking in some blues, say hi. We'll eat drink and be bluesy. 4:49 PM Aug 2nd

Written merely hours after I landed, unfortunately no one took me up on this. It also doesn't help that I went sans afro 99% of my trip.

I hereby declare Beale St and associated area to be my Mecca. #vacation 6:16 PM Aug 2nd

Yup, I was on the ground for mere hours before I fell in love with Memphis. It had everything I ever wanted - beer, live music, bar-b-que, and sweet tea. A few more single women would have been nice, but such is life.

To avoid my own erin andrews situation, i am leaving my hotel curtain wide open. Do your worst peeper people. 9:13 PM Aug 2nd

Of course, everyone knows what happened to ESPN reporter Erin Andrews. I figured if the same person was to take pictures of me getting ready in the morning, it wouldn't be anything anyone hasn't seen already. Market saturation, yo.

At BB king's in memphis. Eatin catfish, listen to little wing. Life is good. #blues #vacation 9:51 PM Aug 2nd

This was dinner and my first experience of seeing music at the legendary BB King's Blues Bar. As far as food and music go, this was probably the best place on Beale St. Other places were better music venues, others had better food, but BB King's was the best of both worlds.

Did I mention I am drinking a memphis microbrew? yes, life is good indeed. #vacation 9:57 PM Aug 2nd

What can I say? I'm a fan of local beer. Unfortunately, I can't remember the name. It wasn't the best beer I've ever had, but not the worst either.

At the memphis rock n soul museum. hard to believe sharecropping and rural blues n country was only 80 yrs ago. seems like 100s 2:52 PM Aug 3rd

The next day I began my trip through the many Memphis museums and tourist attractions. First on the docket was the Rock 'n' Soul Museum, located alongside the FedEx Forum, home of the NBA's Memphis Grizzlies. Looking back, the Rock 'n' Soul Museum was the best place to start as it provided an overview of all the museums that would follow.

minnie pearl had hat w tag left on. trailblazer for hip hop style #music #country #hiphop 2:57 PM Aug 3rd

It is funny how we think that the styles of today are new and never before seen. There was a picture of country performer Minnie Pearl rocking the same style that Jay-Z and other hip-hop people rock today.

sputnik monroe- pro wrestling @ rock n soul museum. a place in segregation history. amazing #prowrestling #memphis 3:04 PM Aug 3rd

Of course, I couldn't let a museum mention of pro wrestling go unannounced. Apparently, Sputnik Monroe was one of the first wrestlers followed and admired by both white and black people.

i wonder if robert johnson would have gotten sued for violating copyright laws if he recorded today. #blues 3:08 PM Aug 3rd

Although Robert Johnson is the known as one of the fathers of the blues, there is no doubt he borrowed heavily from the songs performed throughout the Mississippi Delta region. With current copyright and sampling laws restricting a lot of creativity today, I think the era of Robert Johnson-esque innovation is over.

juke = wicked. yes, putting juke on someone is wicked 3:16 PM Aug 3rd

I did not know that the word "juke" used in jukeboxes and juke joints came from a word that meant "evil". It was obviously a way to associate African American culture with negativity and maliciousness (as seen in so many other terms and definitions). My point here, however, was that when used in sports context, i.e. shaking a defender in basketball or football with a juke, the term is also wicked, albeit in a less nefarious way.

1957 studio equipment. no ~~dail~~ dial goes to 11. 3:18 PM Aug 3rd

A Spinal Tap reference.

the era bb king started in seems so long ago. jeez. and he is still here. thank goodness. 3:27 PM Aug 3rd

I knew BB King was old, but for some reason seeing his early pictures in a museum put his career in a different perspective for me. The man has had at least a 50 year career. 50 years of performing. He was around before Elvis Presley made it big. And BB King is still touring and still going strong. Unbelievable.

wow all i knew about ike turner was that he hit tina. one action scarred great musical contributions 3:31 PM Aug 3rd

Of all the things I learned in Memphis, one of the most surprising was Ike Turner's role in the development of rock 'n' roll. Even though Turner played piano on "Rocket 88", widely regarded as the first ever rock song, he is known unfortunately far more for his domestic dispute with Tina Turner.

why did chuck d call elvis racist? did he do something in later career. i am confused. #hiphop #music 3:41 PM Aug 3rd

My final tweet for Part 1 is a perfect example of why I am glad I decided to "bring along my followers". As to be expected, a large part of Memphis's music history is due to Elvis Presley. Like Eminem 50 years later, Elvis brought the influences of African American music to white audiences. However, instead of being celebrated, he is today seen as a racist. My tweet here references perhaps the biggest cultural mention of Elvis's opinion - Chuck D of Public Enemy's line "Elvis was a hero to most/ But he never meant shit to me you see/ Straight up racist that sucker was/ Simple and plain".

After I posted this line, writer/blogger Mike Tillery of The Starting Five saw my tweet and responded with:

Mizzzzo: @JordiScrubbings research Elvis' quote about what Black people could do for him and nothing more.

After a bit of research, I found that Elvis is accused of saying "The only thing Negroes can do for me is buy my records and shine my shoes." This statement is however disputed by music historian Peter Guralnick in his 2007 NY Times editorial and snopes.com.

Regardless of what Elvis said or didn't say, the bottom line is that without Twitter and the response I received from one of my "followers", I probably would not have looked up the topic and either stayed confused or waited long into the future for it to come up again. This was the first of many times my Twitter people enriched my travels.

Part 2 tomorrow.

Leavin' on that midnight plane to Memphis

2009-08-01T15:14:00.006-04:00

It must be the week for vacations. Like ESPN's Rob Neyer and the famed Brian Spaeth, I'm finally taking some well-deserved time off.

Although where I am going next week should be a well-guarded secret, I will share with you a few hints (like it wasn't obvious from the Kid Rock paraphrased lyric in the heading):

Even though I won't be on here, I should still be on Twitter. And occasionally on Facebook. So if you are following me on there, be sure to say hi.

Otherwise, I'll be back on August 8th. Be sure not to miss me too much.

Could @ESPN_Sideline Replace Erin Andrews?

2009-07-31T01:58:00.005-04:00

Unless you have been under a rock for the last two weeks, you have probably heard about the plight of ESPN reporter Erin Andrews. For those who don't know, Andrews was the victim of an invasion of privacy as a peeper took a video of her in her hotel room as she prepared for work several months ago. Now Andrews is being stalked and her career is in pieces. In light of these and other embarrassing sidelines misadventures, I am sure ESPN and other sports networks are evaluating the relevance of sideline reporters.

Some of course will say that they are unnecessary, that they are nothing more than sideline eye candy - cheerleaders for the broadcast booth. I disagree. I think sideline reporters, whether they be down on the field or up in the stands, play a valuable role in the television experience.

If I was in charge of ESPN or any other sports broadcasting organization, I would look to push my sideline reporters off camera and on to another platform. I would look for a platform that can broadcast to the masses while at the same time protect the identities of my employees. I would embrace a platform that could enhance the viewing experience and provide key insight to the stories within the game, while not taking away from the main on-air talent.

I would use Twitter.

According to a recent Mashable.com post, people who are smarter than me about programming are striving to make the TV viewing experience much more interactive.

"Verizon FiOS TV is adding Facebook and Twitter integration, as well as several other social media options, to its service. Similar to the integrations we’ve seen on the Web, this allows you to update your status on either network when watching a given show or event and also see what your friends or the larger social media community is saying about it."

If we are soon to arrive at the day when you can "sign in" to your TV and have your Twitter feed loaded on the right or left side of your screen, why not have sideline reporters report via twitter? There would be no need to cut them out. They would always be there, conducting interviews, digging up information, and getting the behind the scenes stuff the people in the booth can't get. The only difference of course, would be that they would be broadcasting online in a constant stream, adding updates and nuggets of knowledge as they found it.

@ESPN_Sideline: "Talked to Coach Bowden @ halftime. Defense needs to step up."

@ESPN_Sideline: "At Lakers v Celtics. KG says he is going to give 100%."

@ESPN_Sideline: "Huge Yankees fan is wearing a lamp shade on his head. Ha ha."

The possibilities don't stop there. With Twitter comes the ability to interact. Viewers or anyone on Twitter could tweet their own information to @ESPN_Sideline, possibly providing leads or modifying the reporter's tasks to fit the inquiries of the viewers. The viewers could also give tips or ideas to @ESPN_Sideline or supplement their broadcast with additional facts. The viewing experience becomes a community effort led by the unseen @ESPN_Sideline.

As an additional bonus, by not being on camera, the person behind @ESPN_Sideline does not have to worry about how they look on TV, what outfit may or may not be splashed across the front page of blogs, or if they are attracting hordes of seedy, nefarious, undersexed, pubescent losers.

In addition to @ESPN_Sideline or other online reporters, perhaps professional sports leagues will acquiesce to the idea of players tweeting during games. Maybe if asked by @ESPN_Sideline, players would be allowed to answer online.

@ESPN_Sideline: "@The_Real_Shaq: What do u need to do to play better in the 2nd half"

@The_Real_Shaq: "@ESPN_Sideline: I need to play w/in myself. Better D. Fly like Superman. LOL"

All this again can happen while the broadcast is ongoing. Tweeting sideline reporters would in no way impede the in-game announcers (no more "kicking it back to the booth"), nor will they interfere with pre-game, halftime, or post-game shows. They aren't even constrained by commercials.

Maybe the 35 year run of sideline reporters isn't over. Maybe their demise in the wake of the Erin Andrews privacy snafu is presumptuous. Maybe they will be the impetus in a revolution in sports broadcasting. Maybe Andrews sacrificed herself for the greater good.

Introducing @ESPN_Sideline.

UPDATE: As Sun Sports / Fox Sports Florida reporter Whit Watson points out in his blog, his network has been actively employing Twitter during their broadcasts for quite some time. Both Watson himself and the Sun Sports Fox Sports Florida network have Twitter accounts, and are encouraged to use them at will, creating an increased interaction with fans and viewers. You should definitely go read his blog as it makes an exceptional complimentary piece to this post.

MTV Exploiting the Economy ... As Usual. But Can They Control the Outcome?

2009-07-27T02:42:00.001-04:00

Contrary to popular belief, MTV and MTV2 do play music videos. Sandwiched between 56 different types of teen-targeted reality shows is AMTV, a varying block of music videos airing anytime between 2AM and 8AM EST. AMTV is MTV the way MTV used to be and the way it should be, straight up "music television". None of that "16 and Pregnant" crap.

Lately, AMTV has been part of my TV rotation during breakfast. Depending on my mood, I'll flip from SportsCenter to AMTV to the morning local news and then, of course, back to SportsCenter. Since I've become a semi-frequent viewer of AMTV, I've seen some of the worst videos and songs I've ever seen. I'm not a fan of much new rock (especially the wannabe punk-influenced or emo-influenced unimaginative garbage); definitely not a fan of the pseudo R&B, auto-tune dance ballad stuff; and the art of lyricism has all but disappeared from mainstream hip-hop. I'm not sure if this makes me old and out of touch, but it is what it is.

The other day, however, a funny thing happened. I saw the following videos in a row:

Street Sweeper Social Club - 100 Little Curses

Jadakiss - Who's Real

K'Naan - T.I.A.

What surprises me is that all three of these videos and songs have social messages. Street Sweeper Social Club is frequently openly critical of America and especially the capitalist philosophy. Although the weakest of the group, Jadakiss is definitely sending a social message when the decries against "fake" people. And K'Naan is a Somalia rapper with a globalist view who has expressed sympathy towards the plight of Somali pirates.

According to their songs, all three of these of groups are fed up with the current social-economic situation (in order of frustration: SSSC, K'Naan, and Jadakiss). The same situation and economic conditions that helped MTV (Viacom) grow to the mega-billion dollar machine it is now. Of course, I really doubt MTV agrees with the opinions and views expressed in all its videos, but it is going to be difficult for them to shut down an opposition they are now feeding. When videos were all about flash and bling and big cars, it was easy for MTV to attach programming on cribs, pimping rides, and the good life. But what about when times change?

Of course I expect MTV to exploit the down economy. Socially conscious videos have been around since Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five came out with "The Message". But as more people grow aware of what is going on around them, more artists are going to make music expressing these thoughts. Slowly the music will be more educated and the viewers will want to see videos that make sense and represent their reality, not the corporate-driven image of fake success. It is the old mantra that art represents life. To quote veteran socially conscious rapper Paris "labels never made the culture - you got it twisted".

Cultural programming is easy when the culture is fat, dumb, and sedated. But what happens when they wake up?

(Images found on www.turnoffyourtv.com.)

Thunder Matt Exclusive: Watching the Sun Set on a Famous Moundsman

2009-07-26T23:09:00.002-04:00

(This post also seen on Thunder Matt's Saloon.)

One of my favorite movies is HBO's 1996 original Soul of the Game - the story of Negro League stars Jackie Robinson, Josh Gibson, and Satchel Paige and their struggle to brake baseball's color barrier and be the first African-American to play in the Majors. It is the story of the young Robinson and his relationship with the older Paige and Gibson and their reactions as the former gets the call the latter two feel they deserve.

In the movie, as well as in reality, time unfortunately was not on the side of Satchel Paige, who although he eventually received a big league opportunity, was far beyond the peak of his career. But Paige would not let his age or his diminished ability deter him from his goals of making it to the bigs, milking and cajoling his arm in the desperate hope that it still had a few good innings left.

I saw a lot of the Satchel Paige character as I watched Pedro Martinez pitch for the Class-A Clearwater Threshers on Sunday. Martinez, signed by the Phillies a few weeks ago, was clearly not the Pedro of old and I could tell he knew it. The 97 mph fastball was long gone, the aura and mystic was fading, and he was fighting to prove his ability to merely contribute. The former Cy Young ace was now a conjurer, a Merlin of the mound, hoping his knowledge, guile, and a little bit of smoke and mirrors was enough to make it back to the Show.

Sadly, I don't think it was. In his first start against live batters since the World Baseball Classic, Pedro threw 1 and 1/3 innings in a rain-shortened game against the St. Lucie Mets. As it was the major league Mets who put him out to pasture after last season, the minor league Mets put the final nail in his legendary career. Although I didn't expect Pedro to dominate, it was clear he was struggling. Most of his pitches were up in the zone, the Mets were getting good wood on the ball, and he only produced one swinging miss, albeit on a classic Pedro change-up. The box score will say Pedro didn't do that badly, giving up one hit, hitting a batter, and striking one. But great change-up aside, I'd say his tank is empty.

There is another scene in Soul of the Game when after an exhibition against major league all-stars is rained out, the Josh Gibson character stands in the downpour and yells up to God, knowing full well the rain closed the door on his last chance. I saw a lot of the Josh Gibson character in Pedro as the umpires motioned for the players to clear the field. While the younger players scampered past him to shelter, Pedro Martinez slowly walked off the mound, tipping his cap to the many fans who came only to see him.

I have been a Pedro Martinez fan for a long time, and I don't hope this is true, but I wouldn't be surprised if Sunday was the last day of Pedro Martinez's brilliant baseball career.

University of South Florida catching 'fro fever

2009-07-23T23:37:00.000-04:00

First it was the Cowbell Kid, then the Afro-Squad moved to Tampa, now fans of the University of South Tampa have embraced the 'fro as a symbol of power and good times.

Although I wish this kid was a Seminole and not a Bull, the fact that he's sporting a 'fro makes me smile. Until September 26th, then it's on like Donkey Kong.

I roll with the Underground, when I get around

2009-07-23T23:20:00.002-04:00

In case you aren't following me on twitter, on facebook, on myspace, via google reader, via google profiles, on my youtube channel, or via an RSS feed, you might not know I wrote on a few other sites this week.

Over at Thunder Matt's Saloon, I had two posts:

First, I discussed what I watched on TV Sunday night instead of the ESPYs. CNBC was where it was it at, with shows on weed and porn.

Counter programming on the Night of the ESPYs

Then a few days later, I wrote about aliens and the Cubs and cartoons.

Shoulda Been Dead on a Thursday Morning, Banging My Head

Over at ScalpEm.com, I wrote about former FSU great Ron Simmons and his recent induction in the College Football Hall of Fame. Of course, I had to drop a few references to Simmons's career as a pro wrestler, including his 1999 match in Tallahassee in front of the home crowd.

Ron Simmons is a Hall of Famer

By the way, did you know you can get these posts and more when you sign up to follow me at any one of the following locations:

My twitter account

My facebook fanpage

My google reader page

My YouTube Account

My err... Agent J's Myspace page

My google profile page

Sign up today! Free!

Jim Breuer's friend is my long distance love

2009-07-23T21:08:00.004-04:00

Over the last two years I have told you all about my love life, how my long distance, long-time love has fallen apart time and time again and how I have slowly drifted towards my fun, exciting, local interest. Well, today I found out comedian Jim Breuer is also friends with my long distance love. And, not coincidentally, he is also confused by her erratic behavior.

Here is what Jim said during a recent radio interview:

"It’s like being in love with an alcoholic. It’s like, you constantly defend her, and people are like, ‘Dude, your alcoholic friend is a mess,’ and you’re like, ‘Nah, you don’t know her like I do.’"

Yup, I'd say Jim Breuer and I know the same person.

(H/T Metsblog.com)

The Private Premiere of Who Shot Mamba?

2009-07-19T06:03:00.002-04:00

As they do for many major motion pictures, the who's who of the entertainment industry were in Orlando last night to see the grand premiere of the Internet-famous movie Who Shot Mamba?. It was a red carpet affair featuring famous actors, funnymen, former reporters, current bloggers, and more beautiful women than you could shake a stick at. Even the paparazzi were in full force, with media outlets from around the world doing media things and sending media messages. The Central Florida premiere of Who Shot Mamba? was not just an occasion, it was an event.

Ok, maybe not quite ...

To tell you the truth, the famous actor? Me (for my role as a time-traveler in the latest Afro-Squad movie). The funnyman? Me (if you think the Afro-Squad is funny or you like heckling pro wrestlers). The former reporter? Me. The current blogger? Me, again. The beautiful women? The famous alexiskn and her friends (definitely not a lie there).

Ok, so maybe the world-premiere private screening of Who Shot Mamba? was more private and exclusive than planned. Maybe the entire viewing audience could have fit in the booth at the local McDonalds. But regardless of the turn-out, and no matter the size of the gate, the showing, which took place in an independent film house, was definitely a success. The venue was clean, the movie looked and sounded great, and those in attendance were definitely engrossed.

As for the movie itself, it did live up to expectations (What do you expect? I am mentioned in the credits.). Despite waiting nearly three years to find out the mystery behind who killed everyone's favorite charismatic snake, I was impressed. Who Shot Mamba? has a good story, good performances, and enough subtle inside references to the NBA blogosphere to make a sports blogger remember the good times, before the dark specter of tabloid sensationalism and voyeurism seized the sports blogosphere by its collective thoat.

So to those who hosted, thank you. I had a great time. To those who missed out, don't miss out again. And to those who are curious as to when they can see Who Shot Mamba?, don't worry, from what I hear the answer is soon, very soon.

(By the way, the rumor that I punched a member of the paparazzi, destroyed his camera, and spit in his face is unequivocally false. I did not destroy his camera.)

The Lonely Life of Leviathan

2009-07-18T15:13:00.003-04:00

A while ago I wrote this poem and wanted to share it with all of you. I am particularly proud of this one, as I think it accurately captures the feelings of being leagues under the sea with no one but yourself to keep you company.

Yup, that's me in a nutshell

2009-07-17T21:20:00.000-04:00

Those who know me know I am all over the Internet. I blog, I tweet, I'm on facebook, myspace, youtube, google profiles, and any other site I can stick my afro on. Ruling the Interwebs has become a part-time job, without a doubt.

Oddly enough, some of fellow bartenders over at Thunder Matt's Saloon had no clue how extensive my reach is. After I told them about my efforts, comrade-in-words Lingering Bursitis dropped probably the funniest reply I have ever read.

From: Lingering Bursitis:

12 Twitters tweeting
11 Tumblrs reblogging
10 Fanpages humming
9 status updates
8 blogger profiles
7 crazy aliases
6 Myspace templates
5 niche blogs!
4 email accounts
3 Friendsters friending
2.0 obsession
and a guy who spreads himself way too thinnnnnn

I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Doing Eau Gallie High School proud

2009-07-14T01:50:00.004-04:00

Your 2009 MLB home run derby champion ...

And Tim Wakefield pitches tomorrow night for the American League.

A review of my latest musical acquisitions

2009-07-13T02:36:00.001-04:00

I've been on a music tear lately, picking up an album or two a week. Here are my latest:

Jenni Muldaur - "Dearest Darlin'"

Although my soul and R&B collection isn't the most extensive, there is just something about the voice of old school or neo-soul female R&B singers that just fits. I think it is genre where the ladies lead the way. Jenni Muldaur is one of those women who hit the mark with me. She has an awesome old school voice, as showcases it perfectly throughout "Dearest Darlin'".

"Dearest Darlin'" is a collection of soul and R&B covers mostly from the 50s and 60s. Muldaur covers some of the biggest names in the genre, from Bo Diddley to James Brown, as well as some rare antiques such as a 1934 field holler recorded by Alan Lomax. With the extensive range of content, Muldaur raises the bar quite high, but still nails it. I was really impressed.

Spinal Tap - "Back From The Dead"

The greatest band in the history of music history has returned. "Back From The Dead" is not only a collection of songs from the Spinal Tap movie, but also a few new songs, as well as a few "re-mixes", including a funky rendition of the classic "Sex Farm".

Another great reason to actually buy Spinal Tap instead of downloading their greatness is the included DVD. The DVD is absolutely awesome. Over an hour of the band talking about each song on the DVD. Hilarious.

Street Sweeper Social Club - self-titled

I like far-out riffs of ex-Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello. I like the political rhymes of Boots Riley of The Coup. So naturally I like this album. Although this definitely a solid buy, I do have a few comments:

1) It would have been amazing to have a few Zach De La Rocha cameos.

2) Boots Riley's voice sounds more fitting to funk or rap backbeats.

3) This album is another 1+1 does not equal 2 venture (see Blackout! 2). Close, but not quite. Morello fits perfectly and there are some great anthems, but I think Boots holds back a bit and doesn't get as descriptive as he does on The Coup albums.

Leela James - "Let's Do It Again"

(Ok, Leela James's new album came out in March, but I just bought it, so it's new to me.)

Back in 2005, I used to play Leela James's first album, "Change is Gonna Come", all the time. It was funky, soulful, and one of the best albums of that year. Then Leela James disappeared. I heard absolutely nothing about her.

Four years later, Ms. James finally released her second album, "Let's Do It Again". Like Jenni Muldaur, Leela James does an album full of soul and R&B covers. I don't want to say I am not impressed, because this is a very good album, but I expected more. Where are the new songs? Where is the new material that would spring Ms. James into the mainstream?

Wu-Tang Clan - "Wu-Tang Chamber Music"

This album should have probably been called "The RZA Presents ...". Although listed as a Wu-Tang album, it's really not. First of all, it doesn't have Method Man, the GZA, or Masta Killa on it (three of my favorite MCs, by the way). Second, it is more of an EP than a full-length album. There are few too many short philosophical narratives interspersed between the songs. Although interesting, these short RZA bytes take a bit away from the flow of the album.

Despite its shortfalls, "Chamber Music" is great. In making the album RZA recorded live music to blend with the beats and give the album a very "live" sound. This new Wu sound works best with Wu veterans Inspectah Deck and Ghostface, as they tear up their verses on each of the songs they are on. Guest stars Sean Price, Sadat X, Masta Ace, Havoc, and others also work well. Overall, there is not a bad song on the album, it is just too short. Hopefully Chamber Music is an appetizer, a precursor for a new full-length Wu-Tang album.

Live in the past, we make it last

2009-07-12T02:47:00.003-04:00

In the latest Afro-Squad video I star as a time traveler from the future:

If you know where the title of this post came from, consider yourself cool.

Twitter and the Blogosphere

2009-07-06T22:49:00.002-04:00

Back in April I joined Twitter. Honestly, at the time I had no idea why. I planned on throwing a few links out there and not much else. But then a funny thing happened ... I figured out the power of Twitter.

I figured it out so well, I've even been talking about it on other sites.

For example, today I commented on Daniel Drezner's blog over at Foreign Affairs.com. Drezner's post is about a post by fellow long-time blogger Laura McKenna in which she discusses the state of the blogosphere.

McKenna lists nine reasons the blogosphere is no longer in blossoming community mode. She claims it has become professionalized and niche-based. (By the way, this definitely applies to the sports blogosphere as well, especially since Deadspin changed it's format.)

Although he doesn't come out and agree with all of her points, Drezner does state that "professionalization, partisanship and speciaization have hit the blogosphere pretty hard." He also states most niche bloggers are now professionals who add their valued insight to the discussion.

Because Drezner doesn't address the use of social media, I added to the discussion of linking and blogrolls by talking about the effect of Twitter on the blogosphere:

"As a blogger, I've found it easier to post interesting links on twitter immediately than to wrap up a bunch of links in a post. Since my twitter followers consist of my blog fans as well as many others, I have more reach there than if I just posted a link dump or included sites in a blogroll.

What this means however is that I push specific data instead of a whole web site reading experience. I am pushing other blogger's information instead of their communities. It is somewhat selfish, honestly. But communities have moved from web sites to social networking platforms.

The love isn't gone, it's just moved."

I think my opinion on Twitter either makes me a genius or a fool. I'm not sure which.

By the way, follow me on Twitter at JordiScrubbings.

Keep politics out of baseball stadiums

2009-07-05T13:32:00.005-04:00

July 4th would have been a great day to kick back, go to Space Coast Stadium in Melbourne, FL, watch the Brevard County Manatees play the Daytona Cubs, buy a beer and a hot dog, and enjoy some firework festivities.

Unfortunately, Space Coast Stadium was hijacked by "tea party" protesters. According to Florida Today.com,

About 3,000 opponents collectively criticized the current administration as a free-spending government that is leading the nation with a socialist agenda. They banded together Saturday at Space Coast Stadium for a Fourth of July "tea party."

Long before the 4 p.m. start of the event, crowds gathered to purchase $5 tickets that included a voucher for admission to the Brevard County Manatees-Daytona Cubs baseball game and fireworks show to follow.

Pictures on FloridaToday.com and in the print version of the Florida Today also show "tea party" members inside Space Coast Stadium rallying for their cause.

Hijacking public events cannot become a growing trend. Stadiums across the country have to put the kibosh on this real quick and tell these people that they can not protest inside our sporting events. Of course, we all know the first stadium to take away fans' political signs as they enter the stadium will be accused of violating the fans' 1st amendment rights. What these fans must understand is freedom of expression inside a venue is guided by the rules and regulations of the venue.

Whether or not I agree with these protesters is irrelevant. I just want to make that perfectly clear. But I do think that by allowing a political rally to be held inside the stadium, the powers that be at Space Coast Stadium opened a pandora's box that should not have been opened. By allowing the "tea party" protest to continue in a public area, Space Coast Stadium now has to provide space in the same venue for any and all other gatherings, to include extremists such as the Ku Klux Klan. To not do so would be to exhibit favoritism of expression and to associate Space Coast Stadium with a specific political view.

I seriously doubt Space Coast Stadium will want to be known as a "protester friendly stadium". What the stadium personnel did on July 4th was a mistake. Nothing good can come from it, especially from an economic perspective. Allowing the "tea party" protest to continue through the gates put the stadium on a slippery slope that will do nothing but discourage non-partisan baseball fans from enjoying a day at the ballpark.

If I were a Brevard County Manatee season ticket holder or other frequent visitor to Space Coast Stadium, I would demand an apology from the organization and not attend another game until I had a guarantee that political rallies will no longer be allowed to infringe on the baseball watching experience.

Jimi Hendrix and a family tradition

2009-07-04T14:18:00.001-04:00

When I was young and had no sense, I used to wake up on the 4th with contempt. For the first umpteen years of my life, my dad would begin Independence Day by playing the sounds of Jimi Hendrix wailing his rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. It was like Dad's revenge for waking him up early on Christmas morning.

Unfortunately, when I was younger, for whatever unpatriotic, uncounterculture reason, I didn't really like the song. I think I said once it sounded like "a guitar and a bulldozer". But I don't think it bothered the Old Man, he kept on playing it anyway.

Somewhere along the way, my musical tastes started evolving. I went from Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg to George Clinton to James Brown to the blues and wouldn't you know, back to Jimi. By the time I was in my early 20s, I understood the significance of taking a national standard like the Star Spangled Banner and turning it inside-out in the name of counterculture. I could relate to Jimi's frustration at the establishment yet his belief that America was still the best country in the world.

So given that I don't have kids of my own to wake up, I decided to post Jimi Hendrix's "guitar and bulldozer" song, his amazing rendition of Francis Scott Key's "Star Spangled Banner". Hopefully you'll watch, appreciate, and crank it up for the neighbors to hear.

Happy Independence Day.

Another Great Fourth of July reference

2009-07-04T03:47:00.000-04:00

Two years ago, I quoted the amazing Fourth of July dialog from the movie "The Sandlot". Today, in honor of America's 133rd birthday, here is another great Fouth of July reference, the lyrics to Soundgarden's aptly named "Fourth of July". Enjoy.

Shower in the dark day
Clean sparks driving down
Cool in the waterway
Where the baptized drown
Naked in the cold sun
Breathing life like fire
Thought I was the only one
But that was just a lie

Cause I heard it in the wind
And I saw it in the sky
And I thought it was the end
And I thought it was the 4th of July

Pale in the flare light
The scared light cracks & disappears
And leads the scorched ones here
And everywhere no one cares
The fire is spreading
And no one wants to speak about it
Down in the hole
Jesus tries to crack a smile
Beneath another shovel load

And I heard it in the wind
And I saw it in the sky
And I thought it was the end
And I thought it was the 4th of July

Now I'm in control
Now I'm in the fall out
Once asleep but now I stand
And I still remember
Your sweet everything
Light a Roman candle
And hold it in your hand

Cause I heard it in the wind
And I saw it in the sky
And I thought it was the end
And I thought it was the 4th of July

Happy 4th of July

Quick Random Baseball Thought: The unique hitting styles of Lau and Hriniak

2009-06-30T23:01:00.001-04:00

I have been watching a lot of baseball and going to a lot of games, so here is a (not-so random) thought about baseball:

Back in the 70s, 80s, and even early 90s, many major league hitters subscribed to the hitting philosophies of hitting coaches Walt Hriniak and Charlie Lau. These coaches espoused a more contact driven, line drive approach. Their style was unique, and you could easily point out the hitters who followed it.* Players who subscribed to their theories included two Hall of Famers (George Brett and Wade Boggs), one future Hall of Famer (Frank Thomas), one all-star caliber player (Robin Ventura), and several other solid major leaguers such as former Boston catcher Rich Gedman.

(That was something unique to Lau and Hriniak. There aren't too many other coaches whose students are easily distinguishable. For example, Rudy Jamarillo of the Texas Rangers is the premier batting coach in today's game, but how many batters can I identify as Jamarillo followers? None.)

With such a famous line of Lau/Hriniak disciples, you would think their style would carry on past their respective retirements. Yet the line stops there. As far as I know there no longer any subscribers to Hriniak and Lau's theories currently in the majors. No hitters, no coaches, nothing.

Maybe the hitting philosophies of Lau and Hriniak died with the emergence of the steroid era. Hitting line drives became passe when hitters were more concerned with trying to out-homer their peers. If hitting with an uppercut would equate to millions more in the next contract, who can blame players for shunning a mantra of line drives and contact?

Yet now with the steroid era hopefully behind us, is it possible that we could see a return to the Hriniak/Lau style of hitting? Currently Lau's son, Charlie Lau Jr., runs a hitting school in Fort Lauderdale. Maybe he is the future of major league hitting.

Kudos to the People of Rhode Island

2009-06-28T03:31:00.001-04:00

Although I have never lived there, I've always had an affinity for Rhode Island. For some reason, I picture Rhode Island as the most underdog of all the states, constantly fighting for its survival amongst states that would like nothing more than to annex it into their territory. Although I might be wrong, I imagine Rhode Island as a remnant of state-creating policies of way-back; that if we were to re-create the states and re-draw the lines, Rhode Island would cease to exist.

Many moons ago, back in my early days of journalistic integrity, I wrote a piece for the FSU newspaper advocating independence for Rhode Island. I wrote about a plan to conquer Rhode Island and lead its inhabitants to a life free of tyranny and without the shackles of oppression.

In my article, entitled "Operation C.O.R.I.: Conquerors of Rhode Island", one of my biggest points on why the people of the state would join my efforts and cooperate with my revolution was that "it is neither a road nor an island. The inhabitants have to call themselves “Islanders” and they don’t even live on an island." I of course blamed The Man for this deception.

So it was with great joy that I read my idea to change the state's name, which I at most considered a far-fetched fantasy, had grown closer to reality. Last Thursday, the Rhode Island House of Representative voted 70-3 to let residents decide whether or not to change the official name of the state. This is fantastic news. Finally, the people are being given an opportunity to fix a centuries-old problem of misidentity.

CORRECTION: Upon actually reading the article, it says the proposed referendum actually only amends the last part of the official title of the state, the mention of "Providence Plantations". The referendum would make the official title the "State of Rhode Island".

Looks like The Man will still have his way with the people of Rhode Island.

One day, I will rescue you, people of Rhode Island. One day, I will come before you and chant "You’re not a road! You’re not an island! You’re not sheep! Stand Defiant!". Then we will march the streets together to chants of "Hey Providence! We are Anti-Dominance!" Then you will be known as "Land Formerly Known as Rhode Island".

It will be a glorious day indeed.

Talkin' About The Man

2009-06-24T21:21:00.003-04:00

(I don't feel like writing anything original tonight, so I'm dusting off a post I did for the old Afro-Squad website sometime last year. There is of course a reason for this.)

I've been a big fan of the Afro-Squad since way back in the day. And on that horrible morning when The Man swooped in and stopped their flow for while, I cried. Who was going to teach me how to be funkier than Dolemite wearing sweaty gym socks?

But now, of course, the Afro-Squad is back and better than ever. Much to my surprise, shortly after I found them doing their thing, they asked me if I wanted to contribute. Of course. Would you say no if Bootsy Collins invited you on tour? I think not. So as the Afro-Squad keeps things funky with the ladies and the leglocks, I'm going to drop a little knowledge about what The Man is up to. Damn the Man.

As Socrates once said, The Man is everywhere, in everything, and completely full of it. You know, to be honest, I don't know if Socrates actually said that. Maybe I just made it up. But I like it.

Anyway, if you didn't know already, The Man controls most of the system that is our lives. He makes things cost money so you have to work, he makes you work at work so you have only a few precious hours at the house to sit down and watch some movies or listen to some tunes. Then The Man charges you for the electricity you use so you have to go back to work to pay off the bills. See, it's never ending. That's alright though, I'll go to work. To paraphrase the rapper Paris, don't let The Man know you understand his plan.

But you know what really makes me mad? You know what really tweaks my melon? Ever see people get pulled over by The Man on their way to work? What sort of trickery is this? Yeah, The Man even gave me a ticket when I was trying to get to work on time. Totally not cool.

Say you have to go work for The Man way early in the A.M. You wake up, clean yourself, grab some grub, and damn, you forgot your ride is on "E". Can't get to work with no gas. So you swing by the gas station for a quick fill-up. Now you are running late. The Man will not be happy.

After you throw some gas in the ride, you try speeding a bit to make up some time. But who pulls out behind you? Those flashing lights. The fuzz, the coppers, the po-lease. Damn The Man again. Now not only are you even more late, but because of the ticket he was kind enough give you, now you have to pay The Man some of your hard-earned cash, which means you can't take your honey out on a date unless you work a few more hours. And that's if she's not finding another guy to spend time with while you are spending all your hours at the j-o-b. Which of course, you are lucky to still have; because you know The Man doesn't take kindly to being late.

UPDATE: Follow The Man's company on Twitter: The Man Incorporated.

The battle for my heart

2009-06-22T22:11:00.000-04:00

This was the most difficult weekend for me in a long time.

It's been a while since I followed up on the pain my heart was in last year. If you don't remember, or even if you do, last year there was a challenger to my attention. My desire for my long-distance love was being infringed upon by a growing local interest.

To summarize, at first she caught my eye. Then my interest in her grew. I never stopped loving my long-distance love. She was just so far away. Then in the fall, when my long-distance love lost her bearing, fell back into old habits, and collapsed in front of everyone, it was my new local interest who seized my heart and spent the fall with me. I was smitten.

This year I was better at balancing my emotions. Neither my long-term love nor my local interest were completely capturing my heart. They were both just kinda there, doing their thing, making me smile at times, but never truly clutching my love.

Then I noticed something was going on. My local interest had left to travel to the city of my long-term love and was preparing to duke it out over me. She claimed she was going to destroy my long-distance love, shattering my memories, ridding my heart of any remnants of yesteryear. She was going to be the only object of my affection.

On Friday night, my long-distance love stood up to the challenge, smacking my local interest in the mouth. On Saturday, they faced off again, each putting their best foot forward. But it was my local interest who came up victorious. Nothing was decided between them, and to be honest, I wanted it to end that way.

Sunday brought a third and final battle between the two loves of my life. To my dismay, it was a back and forth fight to the death. I really wanted it to end a tie. But my local interest clobbered my long-distance love with a vicious blow, taking the victory. And now she is on her way back to the Tampa area, ready to take on the world.

I wish I knew how to feel. I want to be happy for my local interest. She has really made something of herself. She has cleaned up and become the envy of all of her peers. But I can't ever let go of my long-distance love. We've been through the good times and through more bad times than I could even try to count.

As tough as this past weekend was, there is a chance my heart could be torn even worse. There is a chance that one day I might have to choose who to spend the fall with. And if they end up fighting over me then?

I might just cry.

Ancient Grapplers Throwing Down in San Antonio

2009-06-20T03:43:00.003-04:00

While mindlessly perusing the Web, I found this video on www.Archive.org:

Description: This is a clip from a Universal Newsreel dated September 15, 1937. This clip features Dolores Gonzales and Clara Mortensen in a bout that took place September 1, 1937 in the San Antonio, Texas Walkathon arena. The referee is Dr. Karl Sarpolis, also a wrestler. This is the first professional female wrestling bout held in San Antonio. Clara won the match, but later faced Dolores again for a re-match because of claims that Sarpolis was an unfair ref.

Wow. There are some moves in here that would make even the most modern fan get off their feet. Check out the flip at the 1:25 mark and the spinning whatever-it-is that spills into the crowd at the 1:31.

Where to put my dollar?

2009-06-18T01:51:00.001-04:00

So the other day I found a dollar. This dollar, along with the other dollar I found in my spare pair of pants, gives me two dollars. Now that I have two dollars, I think I will invest one of them. Maybe, just maybe, I can make a third dollar. Then I will have three dollars.

But where to invest my one dollar?

Maybe in a municipal fund?

I just finished reading an article about municipal bonds (yes, I read financial newsletters). This article got me thinking:

Could municipal bond investing represent a certain demographic's level of faith in the local government's ability to stay afloat?

More than just an investment opportunity, investing in municipal bonds is a statement of confidence in the local government. It is a strange dilemma that people could have more faith in the stability in corporations than in their own government.

A true measure of the popularity of municipal bonds would be to measure the actual investment and compare that to expected (or average) investment in a typical scenario. Especially during expected times of municipal bond prosperity. If people aren't investing in bonds when the market says it is financially prudent for them to do so, that means there is another factor in play. Possibly something social, such as faith in the system.

What if no one believed in government investing opportunities? Would the government tax more?

I'll admit, I don't know much about this stuff. But those are just some thoughts I had.

They do seem smart though, don't they?

Maybe I will take my one dollar and invest it in an independent minor league baseball team.

That sounds like a much more stable investment than investing in the government.

A Whap off the Old Block

2009-06-17T00:34:00.001-04:00

This is a story I was working on a few weeks ago but had put down because I didn't have the time to flesh it out. After reading fellow blogger Brian Spaeth's latest post on his broken face, I decided to pick the story back up and post it here. Enjoy.

When I was little, my father was famous. He was the most well-known back of the head slapper in the neighborhood. And he was the house discipliner. He wasn't scared of anyone, but we were scared of him. If you acted up, acted out of line, or acted the fool - whap! - my dad would smack you in the back of the head. He was like an old west gunslinger, hands in his pocket one moment, an unexpected whap!, and his hands right back where they began.

Over time I've noticed I've grown a lot like my dad. The hair on top is thinning, I waste my nights drinking and talking about the government, and I perfected the magic art of slapping the back of someone's head. I became quite the master. I could slap someone without them even knowing it was me. Even when we were the only two people in the room. Left-handed, right-handed, it doesn't matter. I was an ambidextrous head-slapper.

Unfortunately, however, my penchant for slapping heads became a bit of a problem. The urge was uncontrollable. I couldn't pass a bald-headed person without giving their round, shiny dome a nice, hard whap!. One day, for example, I was stepping out of a public bathroom stall and absolutely could not control myself from smacking the head of a gentleman standing at a urinal. My hand hit the back of his head, his front of his head bounced off the wall in front of him, and he collapsed in a heap in front of me. That was last time I went out to my favorite pub.

I didn't fare any better in other places either. While in church a few years ago, I smacked the back of the head of every person in an entire pew as they were bowed in prayer. Their painful yelps sounded like a choir of anguish. Needless to say, I was quickly banished from Father Carmine's community of the faithful.

Desperate and alone, I went to the only place I knew that could offer solace: the local stripclub. An amazingly bad idea. Although I was able to restrain myself from smacking the back of the heads of the gentlemen tossing dollar bills to the dancers, I was quickly escorted out in a bouncer's restricting embrace after I smacked the back of a stripper's head as she hung upside down off a pole.

My passion to imitate my father's disciplinary technique became my cross to bear. I didn't know how to control myself. I finally sought psychiatric help.

After six months of deep, prolonged mental probing, I am proud to say that I am cured. I no longer have the urge to smack the back of anyone's head.

A nice round ass, on the other hand ...

The Nike rap that should have been

2009-06-13T15:33:00.005-04:00

By now, most NBA fans have seen the latest Nike LeBron James - Kobe Bryant Muppet commercial featuring "neighbor" Lil Dez breaking it down with a little rap. If you haven't seen it, here it is:

Ok, yeah, that was cute. But the lyrics are all wrong. Here is how the song should have gone:

Yeah, it's Lil Dez, y'all
Uh
When Nike makes a spot they put it on TV
Usually with a player or two we like to see
They look sharp and all, playing their basketball
This year on Kobe and LeBron Nike spent it all

You know they say those two are the best
The fans, the coaches, the blogs, and the rest
That’s why the folks at Nike dropped the funds
Bettin' it all on Laker and Cav playoff runs

But of course you know what happened next
The curse of Cleveland had ‘em vexed
In 2010 Nike will have that fixed
When they get LeBron to sign with the Knicks
Word

Yeah, that's much better.

For those curious, here are the original lyrics:

Yeah, it's Lil Dez, y'all
Uh
When Mom goes to work, I come and play
With my two favorite guys from the NBA
We play basketball, we play ping pong
We cook some food, they're Kobe and LeBron
They are my two favorite guys
All my friends in the schoolyard idolize
There is a pool out back
I'll take a dip
They even have a shoe closet
But none of the kicks fit
Maybe someday I can be big like them
From way downtown, shoot the ball to win
No complex, condo, can compare
Cause my favorite guys live right upstairs
Word

An FSU-related baseball post and an interesting question on the Twitter

2009-06-13T13:30:00.001-04:00

In case you are not following me on twitter (@JordiScrubbings) or checking the other places I blog on a consistent basis, I just posted about the Milwaukee Brewers odd coincidence of drafting two-sport FSU quarterbacks D'Vontrey Richardson (2009) and Charlie Ward (1993).

Another FSU QB drafted by the Milwaukee Brewers

Also on the Twitter I ask the question:
Bigger coincidence: Pennsylvania winning 3 sports championships in the last year (Phillies, Steelers, and Penguins), or Central Florida (Orlando, Tampa) hosting the same amount (NBA Finals, Super Bowl, and World Series)?

Where are Carl Crawford's triples?

2009-06-11T01:13:00.000-04:00

So I was looking at the Rays stats this year and outside of the regular abnormalities (Upton's low BA, Sonnanstine's ungodly ERA), I noticed something very strange. Carl Crawford had only 3 triples.

This from a guy who is one of the most prolific triple-hitters in baseball history. Since his rookie season Crawford has averaged 12 triples a year. That's one every 48.26 plate appearances. Yet so far in 2009, Crawford is averaging one triple every 88.67 plate appearances. At this rate, Crawford will end up with his lowest total since his first season.

My first thought was that perhaps he is sacrificing triples for the sake of stealing third. After all, Crawford leads baseball in stolen bases. Yet Crawford only has one steal of third following a double, April 30th against Boston.

Ok. What else could it be?

Here is a breakdown of Crawford's 11 doubles as of June 10th:

1) April 7th vs. Boston
Top of the 6th off Josh Beckett
Double to LF (Line Drive to Deep LF-CF); Iwamura to 3B

2) April 10th vs Baltimore
Top of the 1st off M. Hendrickson
Double to RF (Line Drive to Deep RF Line); Crawford out at 3B/RF-2B-3B

3) April 15th vs New York
Bottom of the 3rd off Andy Pettite
Double to CF (Line Drive to Deep CF-RF)

4) April 24th vs Oakland
Top of the 1st off Trevor Cahill
Double to LF (Line Drive to LF Line)

5) April 30th vs Boston
Bottom of the fourth off Josh Beckett
Double to LF (Line Drive) - Stole 3rd

6) May 8th vs Boston
Top of the 5th off Brad Penny
Ground-rule Double (Fly Ball to Deep CF-RF)

7) May 9th vs Boston
Top of the 6th off Hunter Jones
Double to LF (Fly Ball to Deep LF-CF); Upton to 3B

8) May 9th vs Boston
Top of the 7th off Javier Lopez
Double to LF (Fly Ball to Deep LF); Upton to 3B

9) May 12 vs Baltimore
Top of the 1st off Mark Hendrickson
Double to CF (Line Drive to Deep CF-RF)

10) May 12 vs Baltimore
Top of the 2nd off Mark Hendrickson
Double to LF (Line Drive to Deep LF Line)

11) May 24 vs Florida
Top of the 3rd off Josh Johnson
Double to LF (Fly Ball to Deep LF Line)

So what do we have?

- One steal of 3rd (April 30).
- One time Crawford was thrown out going for third (April 10).
- One ground rule double (May 8).
- Three times a runner was held up at third (April 7, May 9 (2)).
- Three were hit down the left field line, probably the hardest place to hit a triple (April 24, May 12 #2, May 24).

That's nine. Leaving us with two doubles that perhaps could have been turned into triples (April 15, May 12 #1).

April 15th vs New York
With 2 outs, Crawford hits a line drive to deep RF-CF, driving home BJ Upton.
Idea why he didn't try for a triple: following Crawford was new acquisition Pat Burrell. The Rays had tagged Pettite for two consecutive doubles. Maybe Crawford didn't want to make the 3rd out at third with the big free agent slugger coming up.

May 12th vs Baltimore
With one out, Crawford doubles to deep RF-CF.
Idea why he didn't try for a triple: Perhaps the arm strength of Orioles RF Nick Markakis? Maybe Orioles CF Adam Jones got to the ball quickly?

So after going through Crawford's doubles, we really still haven't found the reason he is behind on his average triples rate. Perhaps it is situational and he hasn't had many opportunities to fly around the bases. Perhaps he is being injury cautious. Or perhaps his line drive rate is down, or maybe he isn't getting the jump out of the batter's box like he used to.

Overall, like Rays victories, Crawford triples have unfortunately been too few. Here's hoping both increase in bunches as the season progresses.

Seminoles eliminated by another wrestling name

2009-06-08T23:47:00.002-04:00

This weekend yet another Florida State sports team lost in a championship tournament. This time it was the always underachieving Seminole baseball team losing to the Arkansas Razorbacks in the College World Series qualifier. Another year, another missed championship for Coach Mike Martin, who has lead the team for over 30 years.

But I am not here to rant about the inability of Mike Martin. Instead, I'd like to point out what has become a very odd Seminole sports trend. It seems the last two teams to eliminate the Noles from championship contention had a player sharing a name with a professional wrestler.

First there was Dymond Simon of the Arizona State Sun Devils and her shared likeness former ECW wrestler Simon Diamond. Now the Noles were beaten by a player who's name brings to mind the legendary Blue World Order.

Arkansas pitcher Stephen Richards

ECW Superstar Steven Richards

Next season the Noles better not even think about playing a team featuring a David Smith, a Phillip Brooks, a Brian Adams, or a Scott Hall.

(Yes, I've probably watched too much pro wrestling. I blame the Rock'n'Wrestling Connection.)

All's quiet on the blogging front

2009-06-06T00:10:00.004-04:00

Things were getting quite dusty around here. But never fear, I've been around. Proliferating the blogosphere with more Jordi-isms, as usual. Here are a few of the latest:

Over at Knicks blog Posting and Toasting, I wrote about what former Florida State guard Toney Douglas could do for the Knicks if they draft him in the upcoming NBA Draft.

Could Ghostface Douglas be a fit in NY?

Then over at my other usual stamping ground, Thunder Matt's Saloon, I've been covering the rise and emergence of Rays outfielder "Southern Thunder" Matt Joyce. He is quickly becoming a legend among men.

Southern Thunder Repels Royal LOOGY

I am also working on some other projects across the 'net. You will find out in due time.

A couple of baseball links

2009-05-27T00:41:00.003-04:00

Quick post:

I wrote a post over at Thunder Matt's Saloon about the Sports Illustrated article that supposedly claims an umpire told pitcher Randy Johnson what to throw in a 1993 game. Much credit to One More Dying Quail for his research.

Lately, I've blogged a bit about the Rays players' at-bat music. It is a subject that combines music and sports, which, if you have read this blog for any length of time, are subjects I like writing about. Anyway, Rays minor leaguer Fernando Perez has a great blog entry in the New York Times about his choice in at-bat music and some of the thought process that goes into a good at-bat song. (H/T Rays Index)

By the way, how would you like to switch places with Fernando Perez? Last year, in a matter of a week, he met then-candidate Barack Obama and military commander General David Patraeus, and now he is blogging for the New York Times. All this with only 23 games in the majors. I guess that's what you get for going to Columbia.

Russian Sex Merchants Take Over American Pro Wrestling Web Site

2009-05-26T00:45:00.002-04:00

For those who thought the Cold War is over, think again.

According to super secret documents acquired by Bothan spies, a squad of select sex-selling Soviet sympathizers sabotaged Wrestling911.com, a site run by the Snowman, a friend of The Serious Tip.

In an exclusive interview conducted with The Serious Tip, the Snowman claimed several individuals broke into Wrestling911 headquarters by using the spare key he stashed in a plastic rock by the rear entrance.

"I thought I was safe," he proclaimed. "The box said the rock would deter intruders. Heck, I didn't even know where I hid the key sometimes. That rock was tricky."

Once inside Wrestling911 headquarters, the intruders hacked the mainframe, populated the pages with Russian sex product ads, and stole all the money out of the coffee fund.

"I guess these guys were really desperate," Snowman said. "Times must be tough when you have to steal our last four dollars and fourteen cents. That was for the Christmas party entertainment. We were going to get a dancer or two."

Although the Snowman insisted the site will be back to normal by sometime Tuesday, he has since redirected Wrestling911.com visitors to Youtube page.

A Review of Blackout! 2

2009-05-25T22:43:00.000-04:00

There aren't too many times in music when one plus one is greater than two. It happens on those rare occasions when two people's combined talents make an album that is better than anything they could have individually put out. Think Miles and Coltrane, Muddy Waters and Dizzy Gillespie, Jimmy Page and the Black Crowes (ok, those are a few of the ones I have - I am sure there are more).

I bring this up because in the last year, two of my favorite rap duos have put out albums. Heltah Skeltah (Rock and Ruck) reunited to release "Da Incredible Rap Team", their first album in 10 years, and Redman and Method Man released "Blackout! 2", their follow up to their 1998 Blackout!.

D.I.R.T. was one of my favorite albums of 2008. As I said in my review:

"Old-school, grimy hip-hop. Very New York and very lyrics based."

I wish I could say the same for Blackout! 2. Although others disagree, Blackout! 2 doesn't come anywhere near the original, nor is it in the same class as the Heltah Skeltah albums.

Don't get me wrong, the album has its high points (Seriously. One of the best songs is all about smoking weed.) but unfortunately it also has five glaring things wrong with it.

1) Chemistry - For two guys who have been in the game for at least 15 years each and have been working together for the last ten, I thought this project lacked chemistry. It lacked the bouncy cohesiveness seen in the first Blackout and in the Heltah Skeltah albums. There were far too instances of Method Man's rhymes feeding off Redman or Redman's lyrics feeding off Method Man. Maybe I was spoiled by Ruck and Rock's teamwork, but I just couldn't picture Meth and Red writing lyrics together or bouncing ideas of each other on this album. Their verses sound way too disjointed.

2) Production - The first Blackout! album had 19 songs, nine produced by Erick Sermon, three produced by Redman, two by the RZA, two by Mathematics, and the rest by other producers. There was a certain consistency to the album. On Blackout! 2 the consistency is gone. Thirteen different producers created the album's 15 songs, and only two producers (Erick Sermon and Rockwilder) are credited with more than one song. And the RZA is surprisingly absent.

The idea of multiple producers wouldn't be so bad if they all had similar visions. Unfortunately, that is not the case. There are far too many wanna-be club hits, too many "southern" beats, and too many songs that don't seem to fit Redman and Method Man's rhyming style. Too many of the beats overpower the rhymes, drowning out two of best lyricists in hip-hop.

3) Auto-tune - This kinda falls under "Production" but I wanted to make its own topic. I hate auto-tune. It is the worst thing to happen to rap. Too many producers and artists rely on it and use it to create garbage-sounding vocal sounds. It's like a lazy plague on music that just won't die. Had I known it would rear its ugly head on Blackout! 2 I might have had second thoughts about buying the album.

4) Redman - I hate to say this because I have been a big Redman fan for nearly 15 years, but he has not grown as a lyricist at all. Back in 2001, Rolling Stone called Redman "music to watch Jackass to", and sadly that is still the case today. Red is like that family member who still talks about sneaking out to get beer in his 40s. Maybe I have outgrown Redman, but when Q-Tip, the aforementioned Heltah Skeltah, and even Method Man are writing rhymes that sound like they were written by someone over the age of 12, it might be time for Redman to grow up.

5) Length - Blackout! 2 is too damn long. It is 15 songs and two skits. First of all, skits suck. Unfortunately, they are a Redman staple (see 4). Had the production all been done by one producer (perhaps Erick Sermon?), it would probably be shorter. As it was, they tried to cram too much by too many people on to one album.

Although I might seem down on Blackout! 2, it is not a horrible album. Not at all. But it definitely is not as good as it should have been. I expected more from two of my favorite rappers. Unfortunately, for Blackout! 2, one plus one doesn't quite equal two.

The History of Tupac

2009-05-22T01:11:00.004-04:00

Earlier this week, ExecutedToday.com posted a blog acknowledging the anniversary of the death in 1781 of Incan rebel leader José Gabriel Condorcanqui, better known as Tupac Amaru II. About 190 years later, Black Panther Afeni Shakur named her son after Condorcanqui. You knew her son as Tupac Amaru Shakur.

(Odd tidbit: Tupac Amaru I, Tupac Amaru II, and Tupac Amaru Shakur were all executed between the ages of 26 and 39. The only other Tupac Amaru listed on Wikipedia is current Michigan state senator Tupac Amaru Hunter, 35.)

1781: Tupac Amaru II (Executed Today.com)

Here is the first video I remember seeing by Tupac Shakur, aka 2Pac:

By the way, at the 4:15 mark, even though everyone else is practicing good gun safety, Mr. Shakur couldn't be more unsafe if he tried. Don't be like 2Pac, kids.

New Tunes for One of the Rays?

2009-05-20T23:01:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned last week, Tampa Bay Rays batters are using the same at-bat music in 2009 as they did in 2008 (at least they were as of last Friday). I don't know if the stadium hasn't programmed new music, or the players haven't picked new songs, or they all opted to keep the 2008 sounds going, but I think it is a bit strange.

I bring this up again because Hard Rock Hideout.com is reporting that the band Tantric is releasing a new album on July 21st. Tantric is of course the band responsible for the song "Down and Out" that Evan Longoria comes to bat to.

I wonder if a new Tantric album will mean Longoria will finally change his song. Interesting note: I would guess that save for a few weeks listening to Pantera, every home at-bat Longoria has had during career has been to the same song. Longoria probably leads the Rays in song/career at-bat percentage.

Thought of the day: I wonder if any MLB players pick their song to help drive the sales of artists they know. What if, for example, Evan and Tantric lead singer Hugo Ferreira were friends and Ferreira asked Longoria to come to the plate to a new Tantric single? Are there any rules against that? What if artists paid players to come to bat to their song? What if they did it without the team knowing? Is there anything in the contracts that say players can't do that?

Bat Boy: The Musical - Tampa, FL May 16th, 2009

2009-05-18T00:21:00.001-04:00

This weekend I saw the last presentation of Bat Boy: The Musical at the Carrollwood Playhouse in Tampa, FL. Being an avid reader of Weekly World News, I've been a Bat Boy fan since he was "discovered" in 1992. Now, thanks to the performers at the Carrollwood Playhouse, I was able to learn the true story behind the life and times of the most famous half-bat, half-boy this side of Batman.

First, a bit of a disclaimer. Bat Boy: The Musical was my first ever musical. Correction, my first voluntarily-attended musical. I went on a school trip to see West Side Story in 7th grade. So, in all honestly, I didn't really know what to expect. But after reading a really good review by a fellow Tampa blogger, I figured I would take a chance and try something new.

It was a really good decision.

Although only generally influenced by the Weekly World News character, Bat Boy: The Musical follows the story of the Bat Boy from his discovery in a West Virginia cave to his "civilization" to his public revealing to his love, his loss, and then to his epic conflict in the final scene (sorry, no spoiler!). As the story unfolded, I saw a lot of different influences in the Bat Boy musical. The story was part Edward Scissorhands, part Tommy, part Romeo and Juliet, and part Frankenstein, with Simpsons-esque cultural commentary peppered throughout. As a fan of those influences, the Bat Boy story was right up my alley. It is definitely a story I would see again.

As for the performance itself, I thought everyone involved did an amazing job. The performers put on an excellent show and each scene and song was great and kept the story moving. The music, the lighting, and the background were also all well-done. When it was over, I hardly believed I was there for two hours.

Overall, I had a great time. There is no doubt if any of their other performances are anything like Bat Boy: The Musical, I am definitely making a return visit to the Carrollwood Playhouse.

For a review with pictures of the performance, go check out My Tampa Life.

Here is another in-depth review from a fellow Tampa writer.

Ruminating on the Rays: Looking for new magic to the same old songs

2009-05-16T04:38:00.002-04:00

Although they are 4-0 with me in attendance, the 2009 Tampa Bay Rays have so far been a disappointment. Following 2007, a 16-20 record would not have been a bad start. Fans may have even gotten excited over being so close to .500. But unfortunately for the 2009 Rays, the 2008 season happened. 97 wins and a trip to the World Series is a lot to live up to.

There are a lot of theories as to why the Rays are struggling: injuries, regression, the loss of key personalities from 2008, etc, etc. You can read about them on better blogs than mine. I have my own theory, however, on why the Rays are struggling in 2009: no new tunes in Tropicana Field. They are jamming to the same songs from 2008.

Last year, I wrote about the Rays player's at-bat music. This year, they are coming to bat to the same songs. As a matter of fact, some of the harder, more aggressive songs have even been removed from the playlist. Pantera's "Walk" and "I'm Broken" were often played last year before the at-bats of Eric Hinske and Evan Longoria, respectively. Now with Hinske gone and Longoria using only Tantric's "Down and Out", there are no more metal songs in the Rays lineup. Although I can't argue with Longoria's production, I don't know why the team didn't pick new songs for 2009. It would be nice to hear something new, something fresh, and something that proves we are not stuck clinging to 2008.

The lack of head-banging tunes might also be the reason that before Friday night the Rays played as if they had no marbles.

A few weeks ago, RaysTheStakes compared the Rays to the fictional Indians in Major League 2. Although I think they nailed the background and some of the individual comparisons (Pat Burrell as Jack Parkman), I think they were way off on others. For example, instead of comparing Matt Garza to Rick Vaughn's character, I think the more apt comparison is fellow starter Scott Kazmir.

Kazmir has been terrible this season. Absolutely atrocious (4 wins, 3 losses, and a 6.97 ERA). In Friday night's game, he never once topped 90mph with his fastball according to the scoreboard radar gun. Not once. For someone who has led the league in strikeouts, that's pathetic. He hasn't been the ace of the staff in over a year, and there is even growing talk that the Rays would be better off parting ways with him. My personal opinion is that with too many of the Rays pitching prospects still struggling in the minors, trading a big league pitcher, no matter how bad he is, is a risky venture. But if David Price, for example, gets his act together in the minors before Kazmir gets his together at the big club, it might be time to entertain offers for Kid K.

Despite Kazmir's lackluster performance Friday night, he was bailed out when the Rays managed to claw their way back and win with an Upton homer in the bottom of the 9th. If the Rays start playing better, I am sure this game will have a lot to do with it. It may be one of those games the players look back on and call a turning point. Especially BJ Upton, who was definitely due a confidence boost in the power department. However, if Kazmir and fellow struggling starters Andy Sonnanstine and Jeff Neimann continue to throw batting practice to the opposition for four or less innings, no amount of offensive confidence and production can save the Rays sinking ship.

And now, without further ado, I present the Rays current leaders in JSIA BA, JSIA HR, JSIA RBIs, and JSIA SB:

Batting Average with Jordi Scrubbings in Attendence:

B.J. Upton: .428 (6 for 14)
Carl Crawford: .385 (5 for 13)
Carlos Pena: .353 (6 for 17)

Home Runs with Jordi Scrubbings in Attendance:

Carlos Pena: 3
Ben Zobrist: 2
4 others tied with: 1

Runs batted in with Jordi Scrubbings in Attendance:

Carlos Pena: 9
Evan Longoria: 7
Ben Zobrist: 5

Stolen Bases with Jordi Scrubbings in Attendance:

BJ Upton: 5
Carl Crawford: 4
Jason Barlett: 2

Renaming the home where the Marlins and Dolphins roam

2009-05-13T00:36:00.001-04:00

One of the biggest problems with naming stadiums after corporations is that too often the stadium changes names. This problem is especially bad here in Florida. I don't know why, but Florida stadiums can't seem to keep a steady title. The Ice Palace became the St. Pete Times Forum. The Orlando Arena became the TDWaterhouse Center and then the Amway Arena. Jacksonville Municipal Stadium became Alltel Stadium. Tropicana Field was once the Thunderdome and before that, the Florida Suncoast Dome.

But no building has changed names more than the home field of the Miami Dolphins and Florida Marlins. From 1984 to 1987, the building was called Dolphin Stadium. That lasted until Mr. Robbie, owner of the Dolphins and designer of the building, decided to name the building after himself. The name Joe Robbie Stadium lasted nine years, from 1987 to 1996. Then in 1996, the naming rights to Joe Robbie Stadium were sold to a company called Pro Player. Presiding over their new property, the people at Pro Player pondered and pontificated before putting forth the name Pro Player Park. Unfortunately, the name Pro Player Park lasted less than a year, as the Pro Player powers that be brought back the "stadium" title and called their acquisition Pro Player Stadium.

(Question number 1: The naming rights to the stadium were sold in 1996. The Marlins opened up the coffers and signed several free agents the next season. Coincidence?)

In 2005, after the Pro Player Company had been bankrupt for six years, the home of the Dolphins and Marlins began a slow return back to its roots by becoming Dolphins Stadium (notice the plural - more than one dolphin). The cycle was complete in 2007 when the stadium once again became Dolphin (one dolphin) Stadium.

That brings us to the present week. According to the Miami Herald, ~~Dolphin Stadium~~ ~~Joe Robbie Stadium~~ ~~Pro Player Park~~ ~~Pro Player Stadium~~ Dolphins Stadium will soon become LandShark Stadium, named after a brand of beer co-produced by Anheuser-Busch and legendary South Florida performer Jimmy Buffett.

Now not only will the Dolphins and Marlins be playing their home games in a stadium named after another aquatic animal (did you know "in most battles between dolphins and sharks in the wild, dolphins get the worst of the encounter"?) but their building is also named after possibly the most obscure beer on the mainstream market.

Wait, there's more!

As an additional bonus, thanks to Jimmy Buffett, the Dolphins franchise now has a new fight song. No longer will we hear the melodious harmony of the old Miami Dolphins Song*. In its place is a new song that goes a little something like this:

Squeak, squeak.
Dan Marino
Squeak, squeak.
Don Shula
Squeak, squeak
Dan Marino
Squeak squeak
Don Shula
Those are the only Dolphins that we know
Those are the only Dolphins we rememba

Just kidding. I made that up. Actually, it's worse:

Compare that to this, the old Dolphins song:

*(By the way, what about the Marlins and their need for a fight song? Shouldn't the team with more championship banners in the building get first dibs on a new tune? To the victors go the spoils, right?)

A Response to Virgil Griffiths' "Music That Makes You Dumb": Part 2

2009-05-08T16:21:00.001-04:00

Ok, I apologize for not finishing this sooner. This is Part 2 of my defense of Hip-Hop in response of Virgil Griffith’s well-publicized “Music That Makes You Dumb” study. I know I said I would have this "tomorrow", but if you slept for two weeks, then today actually is closer to tomorrow. But I digress ...

(In case you forgot what this is all about, see Part 1 here.)

Before I go defending hip-hop and attacking Mr. Griffith's study yet again, I figured I should give a little background pertaining to my music tastes and my education level: I’ve been listening to hip-hop since 1990 or so and I have a Master’s Degree in International Affairs. The first hip-hop song I remember really liking was admittedly M.C. Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This”. Through the years, I've credited hip-hop for instilling a hustle-like drive in me. Although I didn’t grow up anywhere near the ghetto, songs like Biggie Small’s “Juicy” and much of Nas’s “Illmatic” album influenced me to make more of myself and to leave the safe suburbs of Central Florida for more adventurous grounds.

Now I can’t say whether or not hip-hop affected my SAT scores, as Virgil Griffith’s well-publicized study would infer. I wasn't that great of student back in the day. To be honest, it probably was more due to my laziness than my musical tastes. And I sincerely doubt either of the two (my laziness and my music taste) were related in any sort of way. Looking back on my own academic history, I wonder if Mr. Griffith had performed his research 15 years ago, when I took my SATs and ACTs, would he have found Snoop Doggy Dogg and other chart-toppers of yesteryear as the music favorited by students with low test scores?

Today’s hip-hop, like that of the mid-90s, is unfortunately too easily dismissed as music for the ignorant. To quote Michael Eric Dyson, “Hip-hop’s critics make a valid point that the genre is full of problematic expressions. It reeks of materialism; it feeds on stereotypes and offensive language; it spoils with retrogressive views; it is rife with hedonism; and it surely doesn’t side with humanistic values”. (Dyson, 2007)

Dyson defends hip-hop, however, claiming it is “fundamentally an art form that traffics in hyperbole, parody, kitsch, poetic license, double entendre, signification, and other literary and artistic conventions to get its point across”. (Dyson, 2007)

Although I am far from the hip-hop scholar that Dyson is, my view on hip-hop definitely mirrors his. More specifically, I believe there are four elements of hip-hop that, when studied and analyzed, have the opposite effect on listeners that what Griffith claims and actually make people smarter.

Hip-hop as History

Hip-hop is the latest derivative of African-American music. The music that started with the old slave chants and drum rhythms morphed into the call and response of gospel and blues. From blues came early rock and roll and rhythm and blues. From there came soul and funk and from there disco and the earliest roots of rap. There is no doubt hip-hop is a window into the history of music.

Although none have, to my knowledge, reached out to perform with the music performers of yesteryear (as early British rockers did with the old Mississippi blues men in the late 1960s), there is at least a growing appreciation among veteran rappers for those who blazed the trail. Many rappers have in the last few years raised the profile of the history and the roots of hip-hop. Two examples of rappers exhibiting their musical roots include Chuck D’s presence and essays in Martin Scorese’s “Blues” and Nas’s song “Bridging The Gap” which while played with his father, blues singer Olu Dara, contained a sample of Muddy Waters’ “Mannish Boy”.

Personally, hip-hop taught me my musical background as well. Starting with Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, and the gangsta rap of the early ‘90s, I discovered George Clinton and Parliament-Funkadelic. From George Clinton came James Brown and Jimi Hendrix. From Hendrix came Muddy Waters, Howlin’ Wolf, and dozens of other blues legends. Rap and hip-hop spawned in me a great appreciation for American music. I think this has made me a smarter and more culturally appreciative music fan.

Hip-hop as Globalism

As well as being the next step in American music, hip-hop is also the most inclusive and racially tolerant of all American musical art forms. At its most basic, creators of hip-hop music have “dug through the crates” to find beats and sounds from all sorts of various musical pieces. Hip-hop DJs have sampled jazz, blues, rock, classical, cartoons, country, and even world music to create the melting pot that has become hip-hop music.

Hip-hop’s inclusiveness stretches beyond the barrier of beats, however. Hip-hop is celebrated around the world in a way that no other music has ever been. What originated in New York City is now popular in Asia, Europe, Africa, South America, and the Middle East. Aspiring rappers worldwide are drawing influence from over 20 years of American hip-hop and creating their own sounds and trends. And these sounds, in turn, are making their way back to America to influence domestic artists. Hip-hop is creating a global musical community.

Although there was, and probably still remains, some geographical “beef” between east and west coast rappers, global appreciation for hip-hop has resulted in a more open-minded, accepting population. A population that is both smarter and more global connected.

Hip-hop as Verbal Expression

Granted, according to a Hip Hop Word Count, some (ok, most) rappers rate poorly in their use of complex, multi-syllabic word use and express themselves at basically an eighth grade or lower reading level. (Here is where we can get into socio-economic plight and its effect on education.) Despite the perception of an uneducated majority, hip-hop features many rappers who use the beat and their songs to express complex ideas on the world around them.

The most famous hip-hop group to educate the masses is probably Public Enemy. Front man Chuck D has made a living, as Bob Dylan put it, “talkin’ ‘bout the government” and rapping about what is going on in the African-American community. There is no way listening to Public Enemy makes someone dumb. Same with other “social conscious” rappers like Paris, The Coup, KRS-1, Dead Prez, Nas, or even to an extent 2Pac. Although many performers and listeners are using hip-hop as a celebration the “gangsta” lifestyle, there are those who use it as a method of communication or teaching. Those are the ones we should be listening to. The ones who are actually making us more aware of the world around us.

Hip-hop as brain music

I’ll admit these responses are a bit longwinded. I think I have probably written more in defense of hip-hop than Mr. Griffith wrote portraying it as the music for the uneducated. There is one thing to remember however, mainstream music will always be dumbed down to the lowest denominator. Corporate music will be sold to the person with an average IQ. Expecting to sell something the masses won't understand is a poor marketing plan.

My guess would be if Mr. Griffith had done this same study 20 years ago, he would have found Motley Crue, RATT, Poison, Bon Jovi, and maybe even Winger as the music listened to by those with the lowest test scores. Of course, had he done that and attacked the more traditional rock’n’roll, it is doubtful his study would have garnered the worldwide attention it did.

Thunder Matt's Saloon Exclusive: Making a Buck or Two Off Swine Flu

2009-05-04T02:02:00.002-04:00

(I figured I would double-post this here as well as on Thunder Matt's Saloon.)

Like clockwork, there never ceases to be people who try to make money on the misfortune of others. However despicable, no matter what the tragedy or how low class, there is always someone concocting a marketing ploy or two to capitalize on the pain and suffering of their common man. For example, who can forget Jinga: World Trade Center Edition (I can’t find the link, but you can see it played here) or the Caylee Anthony doll?

To date, however, I have yet to see anything taking advantage of the Swine Flu pandemic. No sick piggy plush dolls, no “I survived Swine Flu” or “Someone went to Mexico and all I got was Swine Flu” t-shirts, and no celebrity-endorsed breathing masks.

Being that Swine Flu supposedly originated in Mexico, this week's Cinco De Mayo holiday provides the perfect opportunity to capitalize on the Swine Flu fad. The possibilities are endless especially for the producers of fine Mexican adult beverages have. All the companies would have to do is claim their alcohol cures or makes consumers immune to Swine Flu. Sure, this campaign would be marketing to the uninformed as well as slightly (ok, completely) deceptive, but don’t most good ads get people to believe a product can do the extraordinary? If I wear Wrangler jeans, will I be half the man that Brett Favre is? Doubtful. If I drink Schmidt’s Gay, will I be ... wait, nevermind.

Convincing the masses that swine flu can be cured or mitigated by Mexican-produced alcoholic beverages would be a marketing coup. Cases of beer and tequila would fly off the shelves. There would be riots on the streets as people wouldn't think twice of beating their neighbors for sweet, precious drops of Mexican-made nectar. And if the marketing is done well enough, the incredible fortune made by Mexican spirit makers would easily pay off the public relations backlash that would ensue.

Here in the US, of course, it is be illegal to claim alcoholic products cure diseases (stupid "snake oil" laws). So as a free service to our alcohol-making and drinking brothers south of the border this Cinco De Mayo I came up with a few slogans to use here in America.

This Cinco De Mayo, catch a Mexican import that won’t make you sick. Grab a Corona.

Forget those headaches and those ache-ies, drink a Dos Equiis.

Jose Cuervo – The cure for Mexican sickness for over 100 years.

No thanks needed. Enjoy your Cinco De Mayo and avoid the ~~clap~~ Swine Flu.

Bea Arthur Eulogy at the Saloon

2009-04-28T23:33:00.003-04:00

For those who aren't hip to the newest fads and aren't following me on Twitter or perusing Thunder Matt's Saloon on a regular basis, here is my latest:

Eulogy for the Eliminated: Bea Arthur

Did you know she was part of Star Wars history?

Magic Johnson's Racist Movie

2009-04-27T02:31:00.000-04:00

I saw Obsessed this weekend, the new movie executive produced by Magic Johnson and featuring Beyonce Knowles, Jerry O'Connell, some people I recognized, and I few people I never heard of. It wasn't my choice but it wasn't the worst movie I've seen.

That said, I did have some problems with it: I thought it was racist and demeaning to both white women and black men.

Now I am not going to go as far as this blog, but let me just say what bothered me.

First the plot from imdb.com:

A successful asset manager, who has just received a huge promotion, is blissfully happy in his career and in his marriage. But a temp worker starts stalking him, all the things he's worked so hard for are placed in jeopardy.

Ok, first of all, if I remember right, the "successful asset manager" is the only black man in the whole movie. He had no black friends, no family, he was it. Although professionally successful, I took him as a weak character who did not act to remove a problem (the "temp worker") until it got out of hand. But of course, had he solved the problem from the get-go, there wouldn't have been a movie.

And why weren't there any other successful black men in the movie? Was he the only black man hired by that company?

Second, the antagonist - the temp. What dawned on me near the middle of the movie was that the only blond-haired white person in the movie was a seductive, over-sexed psychotic. That was a little weird. Imagine if the psycho bitch was the only Asian-American, Indian-American, or a Hispanic-American woman in the movie.

(Funny side note: the temp's first scene with the "successful asset manager" was nearly identical to the scene in Undercover Brother when Anton Jackson meets "White She-Devil". From the "I'm new in town" line to the "accidental" dropping of her paperwork. I hate to say it, but I nearly busted out laughing.)

Unlike the blog I linked to, I don't blame Beyonce Knowles. She was just played the role given to her. I do blame the people in charge (like Magic Johnson) for allowing the characters to fall into negative stereotypes. All it would have taken was one other blond-haired woman and another black man - someone to allow the viewers to have a different point of reference.

(P.S. Here is another review that singles out Magic Johnson but absolutely trashes the movie - jeez, I didn't think it was that bad.)

Interviewed by Brian Spaeth

2009-04-25T00:07:00.002-04:00

As part of my multi-media attack, I answered a few questions for Brian Spaeth, the actor/screenwriter/blogger/producer I interviewed earlier this week.

Go check out my interview.

Brian's Thoughts About Airplanes: Jordi Scrubbings

George Clinton - Jannus Landing, St. Pete, FL, April 23, 2009

2009-04-24T01:52:00.001-04:00

Few musicians have a greater impact on today's music than George Clinton. The number of George Clinton beats and songs used by hip-hop artists is beyond count. He is probably the most sampled performer outside of James Brown. And with the passing of the Godfather of Soul back in 2006, George Clinton has inherited the title of Funky Patriarch. Although it's been nearly 30 years since Clinton smoked the Billboard charts with hits like "Atomic Dog" and "Flash Light", he still manages to makes his presence known with cameos on TV shows (CMT's Gone Country 3) and albums (Wu-Tang Clan's 8 Diagrams, for example).

Needless to say, whenever I get the chance to see such a maestro at work and be in the presence of musical greatness I don't hesitate. Also, considering I recently bemoaned the commercialization of the funk, I needed my confidence in The Funk lifted by the man who made it famous.

It's late, so I am giving you guys the rapid bullet style:

- This was the second time I've seen George Clinton in concert. Back in 2001, I saw Clinton and the P-Funk All-Stars perform in a club in Tallahassee. That was one of the best shows I have ever seen, so this show, nearly eight years later, had a lot to measure up to.

- George Clinton has one of the biggest, most awesome backing bands I have ever seen. I am not sure whether they were Parliament, Funkdelic, the P-Funk All-Stars, or just a motley assortment of talent. But they were awesome. And a majority of them were only used for a small selection of songs. It was difficult to keep track, but I think there were three rotating drummers; six different guitar players; eight back-up singers; two organists; one rapper; two hype-men; one trumpet player, trombone player, sax player, and bassist. That's 27 people if you include George Clinton.

- Best musicians: the two lead guitar players and the saxophonist. Awesome mind-melting solos. Perhaps the best was the guitar solo on "Maggot Brain".

- Clinton and crew played most of the classics: "Give Up The Funk", "Make My Funk The P-Funk", "Up for the Down Stroke", etc. No "Atomic Dog" or "Flash Light" though. And I was really surprised there was no "Chocolate City" or "Paint The White House Black". Most interesting suprise: a cover of Lil John and the Ying Yang Twins' "Get Low" (From the window to the wall ...).

- Another pleasant discovery was back-up singer Kim Manning. Wow. I don't what I was more impressed by: her voice, her appearance, or the fact that she rolled across the wire-covered stage on roller skates and never once tripped.

- Manning wasn't the most impressive back-up singer however, that title belonged to the woman George Clinton brought out for the last song. Absolutely amazing singing voice. Probably the best I have heard live since seeing Shemekia Copeland.

- This concert had possibly the most diverse crowd I have ever seen at any concert. There were black folks, white folks, young folks, old folks, preppy folks, and numerous hippie folks. Everybody was represented. And although a few people drank too much (crazy hippies!), I didn't see security get involved other than to tell a girl or two to get down off of a guy's shoulders. I'm not sure if the positive vibe was due to the music or the copious amount of weed being smoked by the crowd. Whatever works, I guess.

Overall, this show wasn't quite as good as the '01 show in Tallahassee. That show was an "A". Tonight's show only gets a "B+". For only $26, however, it was absolutely worth the money.

For those curious, my belief in The Funk has been restored. Though I am still violently opposed to any commercial that uses The Funk - especially when it involves goofy kids or credit cards pitched by Morgan Freeman.

(Note: That picture was not taken tonight. It is from George Clinton's myspace page. I forgot to bring my camera.)

Jordi is on Twitter, Feel Free To Follow

2009-04-22T00:01:00.000-04:00

He posts on the Twitter all a day long
Bloggin' and a-writin' while a-singin' his song
All the other people on Twitter St.
Love to hear Jordi goin' tweet tweet tweet

[Chorus]

Jordi's on Twitter (tweet tweet tweet)
He's on Twitter (tweet tweet tweet)
Oh Mr. Jordi, well you really gonna get famous tonight

Every one who's anyone, every celebrity
Every other blogger across the deep blue sea
Big ol' Shaq, Oprah, and Aston Kutcher
Will soon find out what Jordi had for dinner

Jordi's on Twitter (tweet tweet tweet)
He's on Twitter (tweet tweet tweet)
Oh Mr. Jordi well you really gonna get famous tonight

A wordy little blogger who started on this site
Took his game to myspace and did alright
He wanted to blow up and bless my soul
Now he's gonna tweet from Tampa to Baltimore

He posts on the Twitter all a day long
Bloggin' and a-writin' while a-singin' his song
All the other people on Twitter St.
Love to hear Jordi goin' tweet tweet tweet

An Interview with Screenwriter, Producer, and Actor Brian Spaeth

2009-04-20T00:04:00.003-04:00

Within every community, there are people that stand out. People who take the norm and stretch it, flip it, bounce it, turn it on it's head, and make people question their own ideas in collective confusion. Anyone can enter a community, but it takes the gifted among them to make it interesting.

That said, I am not sure my latest interviewee does that. Actually, I am not sure what he does. He is a factory of ideas, although he sometimes makes people wonder if the foreman is permanently out to lunch.

Of course, I have my biases. My latest interview is someone I have corresponded with for a few years. An e-migo*, if you will. I first discovered Brian Spaeth as a lot of bloggers did, when he was writing for the unique blog YAYSports! NBA. As his screenwriting career turned into a leading role in his first film, Who Shot Mamba?, Brian allowed me and several other bloggers to blog for him at YAYSports. There are several of you out there who discovered me through my time as a substitute Yay blogger. Without a doubt, it was one of my stepping stones towards world domination.

(e-migo (n): “Friends you don’t really know but keep up with via email and Internet social Web sites”. Made semi-popular by writer Joe Posnanski, 2009.)

Then sometime last year, Brian pulled the plug on YAYSports NBA and started blogging over at Mad Props To Baked Potatoes. There he started a writing career, using the blog to promote his two books, Prelude To A Super Airplane and Brad Radby’s Brad Radby (The Complete Filmography 1999-2023). And that's where we are today.

So to conclude my trilogy of interviews, I decided to send Brian a few questions to try and find out what makes him tick and what's next for one of the blogosphere's most creatively eccentric personalities.

The Serious Tip: Define yourself. What are you? Blogger? Screenwriter? Actor? Writer? Social media philosopher?

Brian Spaeth: Well, my Twitter profile says I’m an actor/screenwriter/producer, but probably not in that order.

I’d say I’m actually a screenwriter/producer/actor, would rather be an actor/producer/screenwriter, but would probably function best as a producer/actor/screenwriter.

I’m definitely not a social media philosopher – I talk a good game, but barely function within that world. I do blog, but I’ve never considered myself like a “blogger” as some sort of profession or pursuit. It’s just something I do. The success of my third blog, YAYsports!, was largely an accident, and not something I would or could ever try and replicate.

TST: So why are you more interesting than the other Brian Spaeths, or should I have interviewed them instead?

The one who makes bionic limbs is probably the one you should’ve gone for. I’m the most interesting Brian Spaeth largely because I have declared it so, and for no other reason.

My biggest pet peeve is when people pronounce “pictures” as “pitchers”. I think this is common in the South – apologies if I’ve insulted anyone you know. I used to pronounce “pillow” as “pellow” until a girlfriend pointed it out, and now I go probably too far with my pronunciation of the “i” sound.

TST: What's new with Brian Spaeth?

My new book, Brad Radby’s Brad Radby (The Complete Filmography 1999-2023). It ties into my first book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, and also ties into my third book. All the books tie into each other.

The Radby book is largely movie parodies, with an underlying narrative that is actually quite intricate. It’s also completely free to download, or to read online in blog format.

In my personal life, there’s nothing new, but I taught my nieces to say EASTER IN YOUR FACE whenever anyone mentions Easter, and also that everyone in Michigan is sad all the time. They just turned three, so if you ask them about Michigan, they say things like “nobody’s car starts there” or “they don’t have toys in Michigan” in really sad voices. It’s all very cute and hilarious.

TST: What came first: blogger or screenwriter? And do they complement each other in any way? Or are they completely different?

I was a screenwriter long before I had a blog. My first blog actually came about because of my screenwriting, but that’s not an interesting story at all.

I’d say the latter definitely informs and feeds the former. A blog gives me the ability to throw a bunch of stuff at a virtual wall and see what sticks. All my best original ideas in recent years have come from my blog – sometimes this is in a big way, other times it’s just a little thing that inspires something altogether different later on.

TST: Why do you think you are so popular on these Internets? Especially considering your coup de grace has been seen by fewer people than Gigli.

I’m not popular at all – this is a myth I perpetuate in order to make myself feel good. Like I said, the whole YAYsports! thing was an accident. I have no clue how to market myself online. It’s largely a mystery to me how certain things become popular and others don’t.

TST: So do you think other bloggers should take a leap into other forms of media? Or do you think what you have done is just not worth the trouble for other bloggers?

Sure, if they want to, and if they can.

I mean, I didn’t really “take a leap” from blogging to something else. I just kinda do what I do. If you’d told me in November that I’d have written two books by the end of March, with a third one half complete, I would’ve been like, “Huh?”

If people want advice on life, I’m probably the worst person on Earth to listen to. I’m completely erratic, emotionally juvenile, and stubbornly refuse to do anything in the form or fashion that’s established as traditional. The twist is that I’m completely self-aware about this, which is the only reason I’m considered eccentric, as opposed to insane.

Here’s the other twist – people who meet me in person often feel a need to express their surprise that I’m pretty much a normal person to be around.

Seriously though – this is an amazing time for people in creative pursuits, because you can cultivate and reach your audience directly. Do everything you can do, and do it well, and do it today.

TST: What are the last five movies you saw, in order of worst to best?

5) Knowing
4) Watchmen
3) The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
2) Red Dawn
1) Slumdog Millionaire

TST: Who are your influences in screenwriting? Acting? Writing? Comedy?

I typically find I’m influenced more by material than people, but just totally random off the top of my head: Steve Martin, Bruce Willis, Airplane!, the Pixar films, Back to the Future, my dad and brother, Scheller Harrison, and my biggest influence is probably Marvel comic books of the late 1980s and early 90s.

TST: Have you ever received a Christmas card from (Cleveland Cavalier's Head Coach) Mike Brown? Would you accept one from him? Why or why not?

Yeah, I’ve come around on Mike Brown. He finally got an offensive coordinator this year, which is what I’d been saying he should do since the second week of his first season. Congrats to him and Ferry and Gilbert for sticking to it and finding a way that works.

TST: If LeBron James were the Prime Minister of the World, and he met with extraterrestrial beings from the planet Hartoonia who just happened to visit Earth in search of LeBron Fatheads, what would LeBron say?

“Thank you for these gifts. In return, I shall give you my greatest secret, and that is my inability to count out loud past the number forty-six. This is now your burden, and I am free. Welcome to Earf.”

Talkin' about El Pirates de Somalia

2009-04-16T02:32:00.001-04:00

Even though it's baseball's opening week and the NBA playoff picture is slowly but surely clearing up, I want to take a second or two or 3,600 (that's an hour, yo) to talk about pirates. They've been in the news a bit swashbuckling their way into deadly conflicts with the U.S. Navy.

But I'm not talking about Johnny Deep or Errol Flynn-type pirates. I am talking about The Pirates of Somalia, henceforth known as "El Pirates de Somalia".

Here are a few musings on "El Pirates de Somalia":

First of all, the reason I have been watching the news so intently is that I am scouting my 2009 Halloween costume. There is no doubt I am going trick-or-treating dressed as a Somali Pirate. So far I figure I need an AK-47 or a rocket launcher, a rubber raft, and some beef jerky. That's a lot easier than dressing as a traditional pirate, with all the eye patches, parrots, and peg legs.

Speaking of ye olde pirates, I wonder if Somali pirates get scurvy.

Will khat become the new rum? Will Captain Muhammad compete against Captain Morgan?

What about "Talk Like a Pirate Day"? Will we have to incorporate Somali words amongst our "argh"s and "ye"s?

Imagine you are a little kid. You have been raised watching Pirates of the Caribbean and signing "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me". Then you hear grown-ups and the newscasters talking about how horrible pirates are. What are you supposed to do?

Now imagine you live in Tampa. Each year we have our Mardi Gras-like Gasparilla festival and celebrate the invasion of Jose Gaspar, who was (surprise!) a pirate. Oh yeah, and the local football is called the Buccaneers. Are we honestly supposed to be opposed to Somali pirates?

I'm confused.

Wait, perhaps white pirates = ok and black pirates = bad? Or maybe Muslim pirates = bad and Christian pirates = good?

Nah, that can't be it. Could it?

What if some people thought the Somali pirates weren't all that bad? What if some people think they have done a great job protecting the Somali waterways from rogue tuna fishing? What if Somali pirates were actually credited with defending the Somali coast against illegal toxic dumping?

Take this video for what it's worth - a Somali-born musician talking about international politics and global decisions - but I think might have some bit of a point.

Quick reminder: lack of opportunity will drive criminal activity. Build a few Wal-Marts and "worker towns" along the Somali coast and let companies supply responsible (read: above the poverty line) housing, transportation, security, etc, and I guarantee you will see less criminal activity.

Final Question: who will suffer more reported losses in 2009: the Somali Pirates or the Pittsburgh Pirates?

As of April 14th, both Pirate "teams" were tied with three losses each.

Isiah Thomas jumps out of the frying pan but stays in the line of fire

2009-04-15T01:40:00.002-04:00

First, I would like to congratulate Isiah Thomas for finding his new job as head basketball coach of Florida International University. With today's economy, finding any job is an accomplishment.

That said, how someone loathed by millions of New Yorkers could think taking a job in South Florida would allow them to get a fresh start is completely beyond me. That's like Donald Rumsfeld or Dick Cheney thinking they would disappear into anonymity by getting a teaching gig at Berkeley. Although no one ever said Isiah was smart, taking the job at FIU is almost as dumb as giving millions to perennial NBA Least Valuable Player Jerome James. Almost.

For those who don't know, Florida is the home of more than a few ex-New Yorkers. Through my own personal experience of over 20 years in the state, my guess is that there are more New Yorkers in Florida than Cubans, mosquitoes, and alligators combined. According to the New York Times,

"New York is the leading domestic source of migrants to Florida. In 2005, about 100,000 New Yorkers moved to Florida and 25,000 Floridians moved to New York. Two years later, those numbers dropped to fewer than 60,000 New Yorkers’ moving to Florida and 32,000 Floridians’ moving to New York."

That means, in 2005 and 2006 alone, at least 160,000 New Yorkers migrated down to Florida. Add to this the fact that 13.1% of snowbirds come from New York.

According to the University of Florida News,

"about 920,000 temporary residents called the Sunshine State home during the peak winter months compared with 170,000 during the late summer.

Most temporary residents migrated to counties in the southern part of the state. Lee County, in southwest Florida where Fort Myers is located, had the most temporary residents, followed by Palm Beach, Miami-Dade, Collier, Broward, Polk, Pinellas, Sarasota, Pasco and Hillsborough counties." (emphasis added)

I have to second Chas Rich of Fanhouse.com's statement that "there will be a contingent of Knicks fans that will attend FIU games now just to chant 'Fire Isiah!' and worse for old times sake".

Millions of transplanted New York basketball fans have been waiting for the opportunity to jeer Isiah for what he did for their favorite team. Now they get their chance. I wonder if FIU's security will enact certain rules regulating fan behavior. If they don't, until the Knicks become respectable again, neither Isiah nor his new basketball program stand a chance.

For those curious, yes, I am going to try and make the trip at least once. Probably wearing one of these:

An Interview with Comedy Writer, Producer, and Comedian Michael James Nelson

2009-04-10T01:41:00.000-04:00

I am always amazed by the lives of people I have known throughout the years. I am the type of person who is always curious as to what other people are up to these days. Who has an interesting job? Who is in a third world country saving kids from malaria? Who is still working at McDonald's? Of course, myspace and Facebook have made finding old peers, former classmates, long lost friends, forgotten relatives, unknown friends of friends, departed neighbors, neglected associates, and all other categories of people much easier.

A few months ago, I looked up ("Googled", searched for, etc) several of my former co-writers from my time at the Florida State newspaper. I found out one became a writer for defense news in D.C., another works for a public relations firm in New York City, and a few are no longer writing. Then there is Michael James Nelson, who is currently living in Los Angeles and working as a comedy writer, producer, and comedian (hence the title of the post). (He even has a Wikipedia page!)

After much cajoling, convincing, and sending of payments, I convinced Michael to do an emailed Q&A for The Serious Tip. Perfect timing too, as he will be making an appearance on The Oxygen Network's "Pretty Wicked" on Tuesday, April 14th at 10p.m. (yes, that's a plug). So read the interview and then check him out during the upcoming week.

So who is Michael James Nelson?

Michael James Nelson: I am someone that was in jail; actually, I was locked in a cage. I thought my life was over, but then a couple Dwarfs came by, they called themselves Nelwyns. Anyway, one of these Dwarfs was carrying a baby and he said that he had to return the baby to a “Dakini.” Whatever, I grabbed the baby and set off on adventure that would lead me to Nockmaar Castle -- along the way I become infatuated with this chick named Sorsha who had major issues with her mother, Bavmorda -- and then I found myself in Los Angeles doing comedy.

How did you get into comedy/comedy writing?

MJN: I have wanted to be a comedian every since I was in pre-school. But I was terrified at the thought of going up on stage and doing jokes. So, sometime around my first year of high school, I started writing stand-up material, but never even entertained the idea of presenting it to anyone. I was, to say the least, a very shy person. But one night during my senior year of college I organized a bunch of material and snuck away to go to an open mic night on campus. I told absolutely no one. I remember shaking violently right up to the point where they called my name and the audience started applauding. I even vomited in a trash can back stage. It was the scariest moment of my life. I then wiped my mouth and walked on stage and proceeded to do five minutes and I do not remember a single second of it. Afterwards, I think the audience gave me a courtesy applause and I wondered off stage, in a daze, trying to figure out what just happened.

I snapped out of it when a guy tapped my on the back. He introduced himself and said he was a booker for a show off-campus and he wanted me to headline a show that was to happen the following month. Now, I had no idea what headlining meant. I thought it might be the guy that takes the stage at the end of the show and does five minutes while everyone pays their check and leaves, so based on that false definition, I said yes.

Three weeks went by and I called the guy to confirm the show and he said we were all set. Then, I asked him how much time he wanted me to do, expecting him to say that the five minute set he had seen at the open mic would be plenty, but he said 50 minutes to fifty-five minutes would be just fine. I about fainted and vomited and cried and ran away at the same time. I had now idea the headliner was the main attraction. We hung up and for that week I scrambled to write anything I could that might get a laugh or even a chuckle. I even skipped my classes to stay focused. Then, that night came. The house was packed with hundreds of people and there I was back stage, having only done a five-minute open mic show prior. As each comedian went up, each doing around ten minutes, I started having a panic attack. I was totally falling apart. My shirt was already soaked with sweat. I was drinking so much just to kill my nerves. And then, my name was called, the audience applauded, and I walked on stage and did fifty minutes nonstop. I remember the entire show. I remember getting laughs the entire time. I remember the audience roaring with laughter. And I remember being up there and thinking to myself, “This is it. This is what I am supposed to do with my life. I’m a comedian.”

What are you doing professionally these days?

MJN: I am a comedy writer, producer and performer in Los Angeles. I have written for MTV and ABC and a bunch of networks. I wrote for National Lampoon for a while and I wrote a show for Nick Cannon. I do stand up every week and this April I will make an appearance on the television show “Pretty Wicked” on the Oxygen Network. I also write feature films, sketches, and hilarious bar mitzvah speeches.

Funniest thing that ever happened to you at FSU?

MJN: Hmm, funniest thing… that is a tough one. I had a blast at FSU. There are way too many hilarious moments to sort through and then to find “the one” is almost impossible. But, one that comes to mind is when my best friend fell of a balcony and hit his head and had to get stitches. We all dressed up in costumes and were partying on a balcony. We had been drinking since early afternoon. We started throwing stuff of the balcony and cheering. Then, he threw a huge sign over the side and ended up going over with it. We were only one story up, but he did fall and hit his head. So, we took him to the hospital (a whole separate story for another time about how we had to hitch hike to get to there) and while he was getting stitches, there were at least fifteen of us in the waiting room, all of us still drunk and in our costumes. Although a little scary at the time, now that I look back, all of us in the waiting room dressed in the most random costumes, I can’t help but laugh. What a long, funny night.

Are you the greatest comedian/comedy writer in FSU history?

MJN: Hahaha. I do know other guys that came out of FSU and they are very funny and they do comedy. But, when I was doing my sketch comedy show (That Show With Those Guys) while I was at FSU, we were always told that it was the funniest show to have ever aired on the network. And not only did they air old episodes of the show years after I graduated, but there were also spin-off shows. I have always been very proud of that. I don’t think I am ready to claim greatest comedian in FSU history, but that would be cool if that day came.

If I remember right, the Spring 2003 valedictorian gave you a shout-out. Did you know that was coming? How did you react to the instant fame that presented?

MJN: Hahaha. That was insane! I had been told before the graduation ceremony that I was going to be mentioned during the speech, but I didn’t think it would be to that degree. He practically made his speech about me moving out to Los Angeles and becoming a comedian. Hahaha! It was Jim Davis that put me in his speech and he was president of the senior class. I know Jim and there is no way he was valedictorian! But, he did his speech during that humongous graduation ceremony and he did talk about me and I have always thought that was so cool. I was happy that he could pull inspiration from the crazy dream I had in my head.

Who are your comedic influences? Why?

MJN: I would have to say that Bill Cosby has influenced me a great deal. I remember lying in bed, listening to his stories dreaming of having that ability to tell a story like he does. The characters, the humor, another reality, it is all there. I think I have always strived to convey a sense of story and comedy like he does. But, probably the most influential comedians for me have been Howard Stern and David Letterman. They are the reason I got into this business and I still watch them in awe. I remember being a kid and memorizing Letterman’s monologues. And when I was in college, Tallahassee didn’t have the Stern Show on any stations. So, I would have my mom record the show and mail me the tapes. I was obsessed.

Do you ever feel "not funny"? Like have you ever told a joke and no one laughed?

MJN: Hell motha f’in yes. There are days that I wake up and don’t feel funny at all. Cerebrally, I could be laughing my ass off - anything crossing my mind is funny to me. But, there are times that I can’t convey that comedy to anyone in anyway at anytime. Maybe it is because I am tired or stressed out or my mind is somewhere else… who knows. And as far as ever telling a joke and no one laughs… oh yes. That has happened many times and it will continue to happen for the rest of my life. It happens to everyone. I have seen Chris Rock bomb a couple jokes. There is no comedian out there that hasn’t bombed a joked. It is impossible not to bomb. And funny enough, bombing is where you grow the most and where you become stronger as a comedian and it is a very important part of the process.

Your Alicia Keys video is hilarious. Has that ever happened to you?

MJN: Hahahaha. That was a random idea I had when her song started playing in my car. I started free styling the phone call on the spot and when I got home, I wrote it out and shot it a week later. However, for the past five years I have been getting calls from some random corporation that thinks they are calling their IT guy. I guess my phone number is one digit different then the number they are trying to dial and I have learned that their IT guy has the same name as I and the first time they called me I answered and they asked for “Mike” and I said “speaking.” They then told me that at 2pm I needed to show a group of investors around the building and explain our computer network and explain how it is setup. They wanted me to put a power point together just so they could get a visual sense of how it all works. I was a production assistant at the time out on an office supply run. I started freaking out because I had no idea what they were talking about. I thought maybe I was supposed to know the setup of the network and started franticly wracking my brain for anything I might have been told about our computer network. I agreed that I would show the investors around and then hung up the phone.

I got back to the office and started putting together a power point presentation, guessing how the network was set up. I got about one page into the power point show and then decided to tell my boss that I had no idea how the network operated. She looked at me like I was insane. So, for the past five years, they have continually called me and left me messages about all the computer problems happening around their office. I have never returned their call to tell them that they are dialing the wrong number and have the wrong “Mike”, but I think that the next time they call I will finally break the news to them. That would be hilarious if my calling them back and breaking the news were to solve this gigantic company mystery that has caused people to get fired and investors to pull their funds. What if my not coming clean is the reason we are in a recession? Now I feel guilty.

So would you really turn down Alicia Keys?

MJN: No. I think she is hot and hopefully one day she will call me with any computer network issues she may be experiencing.

I have this theory about comedians. I think if I introduce you to someone and say "This is Michael, he is a comedian", that person will automatically think whatever you say is funny. They will laugh by default. True or false?

MJN: Ugh, no way. If I am introduced like that, people always say, “Say something funny.” It sucks. I decline and the conversation goes on and then, if I don’t say anything funny they will say, “You aren’t funny. How can you be a comedian?” I guess it comes with the territory. I guess people need to understand that being onstage and offstage are two different things that spawn night-and-day mentalities and emotions and thoughts and personas. And most comedians I know are quiet off stage and aren’t that funny when you just stand around and chat. I once talked with Robin Williams before a show and he was very reserved and not trying to be funny at all. Same with Dane Cook, I hung out with him and we talked for an hour and he was quiet and not that funny. But both were very nice people. In my dealings, comedians are usually pretty serious people that observe everything around them. I may not sit there and crack jokes, but I am always observing and breaking things down and thinking of ways to make stuff funny. I just might be quiet as I do it around you. To avoid all of this, when I am out-and-about, I just tell people that I am a plumber.

What does the future hold for you? What do you hope it holds?

MJN: I have no idea, but that is what is so exciting about this town. In Hollywood, one day can completely change your life and all of your dreams come true. But, you can’t really think about that or strive for that. You just have to do what makes you happy, enjoy life, stay grounded, and if that day comes, it comes. For me, my ultimate goal is to have my own television show… just like I had in college. That has always been my focus.

Where can people find out more about you?

MJN: People can visit www.michaelnelsoncomedy.com or go to YouTube and search Michael James Nelson. Anything other than that would be considered stalking and shame on you.

Who would you like to give a shout-out to?

MJN: I would like to give a shout-out to Jim Davis… listen buddy, you didn’t make valedictorian, but damn it, we are all still very proud of you.

Help Knock Cancer Out of the Park

2009-04-09T00:02:00.001-04:00

Regis Courtemanche of MetsBlog.com recently posted about his effort to raise money for cancer research. Courtemanche is linking up with the American Cancer Society this baseball season to give a predetermined amount for every home run hit by a New York Met player.

Here is the page for Courtemanche's drive and the link for direct donations.

If you would like to follow along with Regis and donate per Met home run, just drop him an email at metsheads [at] yahoo.com.

As another blogger whose family has been directly affected by cancer, I am already committed to helping Regis out. Please find it in your heart to do the same.

Thanks.

An Interview with Lisa Vitale: Singer, Musician, and Candidate for College Humor.com's Sexiest Girl of 2009

2009-04-07T00:02:00.003-04:00

It has been far too long since I did an interview. Although I started well interviewing models, film stars, pro wrestlers, other bloggers, and even a U.S. presidential candidate, I haven't done an interview in nearly a year.

This changes now. Over the next 10 days, I'm posting three, count 'em three, interviews with brilliant up-and-comers in the entertainment industry.

Today's interview is with Lisa Vitale, a singer/musician from Sterling Heights, Michigan best known for her work with the band Orange Marsupials. She has also reached a new level of individual fame thanks to her picture submission to College Humor.com's Hottest College Girl 2009 site. So far, College Humor.com readers have deemed Lisa so hot, she is now in the Sweet 16.

Her next round opens on April 8th. Although I can't guarantee she will invite all of us to her victory party if she wins, trust me, the reward will go to a good cause.

So without further ado ...

The Serious Tip: Define Lisa Vitale in 27 words.

Lisa Vitale: Lisa Vitale is a small girl with big dreams. She wants to become a rock icon, or at least make music that someone somewhere wants to hear!

TST: You are in the running for College Humor.com’s America's ~~Cutest~~ Hottest College Girl 2009. How did you get involved in that?

LV: It's actually the Hottest College Girl contest. I entered the Cute College Girl of the Day contest first because I stumbled upon College Humor's website and wanted to win a t-shirt, and through a series of random events, found myself in the running for $5,000!

TST: You are also a musician according to your myspace page. Who are your top five musical influences and why?

LV: #1. The Beatles. Generic, I know, but there's a REASON why so many people are influenced by them. They're amazing because they've always appealed to the masses, but they're also a musician's band- a band that people in other bands can hear and then be inspired by. They never lost their magic because they knew when it was time to stop.

#2. Led Zeppelin. One of the best compliments I ever received after a show was from a man who said I reminded him of a female Robert Plant. I was absolutely thrilled because I love everything about Plant: his stage presence, his style, his voice. It's not all about Plant, of course. The entire band was insanely talented, but if I pick apart what I like about each band member, this interview will get a bit too long.

#3. Bob Marley. My band is a reggae-influenced rock/funk band, and the reggae influence is mainly Bob Marley.

The fact that his lyrics were so simple yet so powerful, just like the music accompanying them, really inspired my band in the way that we compose songs.

#4. Stevie Wonder. I don't know if it even requires an explanation, but here we go. His voice is spectacular, his song-writing skills are unmatched. I saw a video once where he played a 6-minute-long drum solo! The man is a living legend.

#5. Aretha Franklin. I always love a woman with a powerful voice, so of course the Queen of Soul has to be on my top 5 musical influences. She has had a great impact on the way I sing ever since I was a little girl. I even sang one of her songs, "A Natural Woman", when I tried out for choir in elementary school. Plus she's from Detroit, so we have that Michiganian bond going on.

TST: There is a youtube clip of you playing Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man” while sitting on the toilet. Where did the inspiration for that come from? Are you surprised by the videos success?

LV: The inspiration originally came out of the boredom of being a nearly-16-year-old with nothing to do on a break from school. I was playing in my bathroom as I often did because I loved the acoustics and just how big it made the vocals sound, when it struck me: why not record myself playing in there? I had to do a few takes because I'd mess up a bit on the guitar or forget a line, but eventually I made a version I was pretty happy with. I was extremely surprised that the video got any views at all, I assumed it was just something for my friends and I to laugh at. The fact that so many people enjoy my youtube videos is very flattering, and I thank everyone who has supported me so far!

TST: So tell me about your current band Orange Marsupials. How did you come up with that name? What kind of music do you guys play? Could you compare yourself to any mainstream acts?

LV: My drummer Kevin actually came up with the name. He just sort of yelled it out at band practice and it stuck (he also gives our songs ridiculous names as well, ex: "Ask The Man If He Knows How To Make Love"). Like I mentioned before, we categorize ourselves as a reggae/rock/funk band, but it's hard to say exactly what we sound like. We're often compared to No Doubt just because we're a female-fronted reggae band, but we're a bit more rock-influenced.

TST: What was your most memorable perform ance and why?

LV: My most memorable performance was when we played a show at Gibraltar Trade Center (think a giant flea market) last summer. We played two sets that day, and after the first set my drummer and I had to leave for our high school graduation. We came back and performed the second set in our grad attire, and after we finished, a guy ran up to the stage and handed me a goldfish in a bag, and said that we were amazing. Oh, and we were supposed to get paid $300, and we got nothing! It was certainly a memorable show. (A tip to aspiring young bands: If anyone offers you money to play, MAKE THEM SIGN A CONTRACT!)

TST: If you won College Humor’s Hottest College Girl would you use that in your advertising for the band? I can picture it now: Come See College Humor’s Hottest College Girl and her band as they rock your socks off!

LV: I probably would not use it in advertising my band because I'd look like an asshole, and the whole thing began kind of as a joke anyways, I never thought I'd be in the top 64, let alone the top 16 like I am now! The fact that I've come this far in the contest is just amazing to me, and if I don't make it any further, just getting to where I got feels pretty good. I would, however, LOVE to win, I'd use the prize money to buy my band t-shirts/merch/new equipment, or a van for us to haul our stuff around in!

TST: Who is the best ukulele player you have ever heard? Best recorder player?

LV: The ukulele question is easy: Jake Shimabukuro. I was looking for Beatles covers one day and I found a ukulele version he did of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps". It's incredible, I highly recommend it. As far as recorders, I have NO clue, recorders in general just remind me of my 4th grade music class playing "Rockin' Robin" and "La Cucaracha".

TST: The kazoo: underrated as an instrument in popular music? Or is it’s place in music absolutely where it needs to be?

LV: The kazoo is in its rightful place. Kazoos belong in the kitchen of the music world, cooking and cleaning to support the guitars, AKA the breadwinners.

TST: This question comes from the great Marty DeBergi, and I think should be asked to every performer: “Do you feel that playing rock 'n' roll music keeps you a child? That is, keeps you in a state of arrested development?”

LV: Haha, Spinal Tap is one of my favorite movies!! I do feel playing music keeps us young and immature, but it's hard to say, because we ARE still young and immature. However, I do see us making sex jokes and poop jokes (sometimes simultaneously, yikes) for many years to come.

TST: Finally. how can people find out more about you and hear more of the Orange Marsupials?

LV: We check our myspace page everyday, so if anyone wants to get in contact with us for booking or just to talk, they can add us or message us and we'll get back to them ASAP!

www.myspace.com/orangemarsupials

For those who don't have myspace, we can be contacted through e-mail at:

awesomelyawsome [at] AIM.com

You can find bathroom concerts of myself and my band at my youtube page:

www.youtube.com/youwantfrieswiththat

Don't be shy, we don't bite!

The Unfortunate Commercialization of the Funk

2009-04-02T01:25:00.003-04:00

Way back in the ancient days of 2007, we, the admirers of pure, uncut, sounds-so-good-you'll-slap-your-mama Funk were sucker punched by a most disgraceful advertisement. Although many called it "cute" and "cool" and even "funny", this ad was a disgrace to all that the Funk stood for.

According to the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame, the band behind "We Want The Funk" and promoters of all that is Funky, Parliament-Funkadelic, "frequently resorted to allegorical concept albums to make larger points about societal injustices and ways in which a community of like-minded souls could liberate themselves from its constrictions".

This was a major blow to the Funk. It's revolutionary mentality had been pummeled by a posse of grooving third graders. In his headquarters high on Madison Avenue, The Man had taken the Funk, shined it nice, smoothed it out, made it safe, and re-packaged it as a pitch tool for gluttonous, misappropriated, irresponsible spending. The type of spending that led to 19% interest rates, foreclosures, bankruptcies, and all sorts of financial misfortune. Tied eternally to one of the greatest anthems in Funk History.

But we, the True Funk-a-teers, grooved on. The Man was not going to hold us down. Oh no, we had to keep on groovin'.

Now in 2009 comes another attack. With the pressure of the credit crisis raining down on The Man and the emergence of a new less materialistic America, The Man has unleashed another offensive on the Funk. Once again, The Man has associated the Funk with materialism, greed, excess, and the need for instantaneous possessive gratification that has put America on its current crash course with destruction. This time his target of choice is Funk Legend Rick James and his smash hit "Super Freak".

At first, this ad gave me hope. There were people all over the world singing "Super Freak". Ballers, babes, bros, cyclists, cowboys, and even consiglieres were all breaking it down to Rick James. Then I saw an attractive woman using her Visa credit card to buy some much needed tunes. I was still ok. Cautious, but ok. Then Mr. Morgan Freeman completely shattered my utopia. He utterly and absolutely destroyed my hopes for all that is, was, or ever will be ever holy. Out of this once respectable, once proud, once strong man's mouth came the most heinous phrase to ever be adapted to sound:

"More people go funky with Visa"

The Man has struck again. I wonder if the Funk can ever recover.

Eddie Griffin at the Tampa Improv, Saturday, March 28th, 2009

2009-03-30T00:47:00.004-04:00

I saw comedian Eddie Griffin at the Tampa Improv Saturday night. Although I think I hurt the experience by watching Eddie Murphy's Delirious the night before, Griffin is one funny dude.

A few of the subjects he covered:

- Why the founding fathers were coke heads
- The true meaning of library (bury lies), congress (cons digress), and constitution (con institution)
- Why loud women are loud and why they don't get men
- The art of cunnilingus (normally I am not a fan of sex humor - too easy and extremely overdone - but Griffin was funny)
- Why the stage at the Tampa Improv sucks
- Why Barack Obama is a "black man's black man" (of course he didn't say "black man" - use your imagination)
- Why President Obama did Bill Clinton a favor by making Hillary Clinton Secretary of State and giving her a job that requires her to be frequently out of the country
- Why he only smokes cigarettes made by Native Americans
- What Bernie Mac and Richard Pryor are currently up to in heaven

Like I said, after watching Delirious I could see Murphy's influence on Griffin. And when Griffin went into his discussion of Michael Jackson's voice and its lack of manliness, it was almost as if he was ripping Murphy off word for word. Then again, in defense of Griffin, making fun of Michael Jackson never gets old.

My only disappoint was after the show when Griffin took off and didn't spend any time with the fans. Although I wanted a pic with one of the most famous characters to don a 'fro, I was lucky in that one of the Improv staff hooked me up and got Griffin to sign my Undercover Brother DVD insert.

Mark Teixeira Plays Stickball in Tampa

2009-03-30T00:01:00.001-04:00

Cool story in Tampa Bay Online (via Ybor City Stogie) about New York Yankee first baseman and multi-gabillionaire Mark Teixeira playing stickball with some local teams in the historic Ybor City district of Tampa.

(Yankee Hits Ybor Street For A Game Of Stickball)

The Florida Stickball League web site has a few videos of the event.

I am confused about why Teixeira is even "playing" first. I thought stickball was played with "automatics". Maybe it's league preference. Whereas here in Florida they use bases, a Troy, NY league and the Uptown Stickball Association of Bayonne, NJ doesn't.

Anyway, good to see Teixeira taking time to play ball with people who play for the love of the game, even if it was a promotional event. Would it be too much to hope a few Tampa Bay Rays players join in local stickball games like the old folks say Brooklyn Dodger, NY Giant, and NY Yankee players used to do back in the day?

A Response to Virgil Griffiths' "Music That Makes You Dumb": Part 1

2009-03-29T04:01:00.006-04:00

In the last week, several people have asked my opinion on a recent study proclaiming that Hip-Hop, among other music, “makes you dumb”. This is the first part of my two part response. Today, I will dissect the study itself and tomorrow I will defend hip-hop against those who would use the study to show it is an intellectually lesser form of music.

The study:

According to Virgil Griffith, a 26-year old student at Cal Tech, certain genres of music can be associated with the average entrance exam scores of college students.

To quote Mr. Griffith’s methodology

1. “Get a friend of yours to download, using Facebook, the ten most frequent "favorite music" at every college via that college's Network Statistics page on Facebook (manually -- as not to violate Facebook's ToS). These ten "favorite musics" are perhaps indicative of the overall intellectual milieu of that college.

2. Download the average SAT/ACT score (from CollegeBoard) for students attending every college.

3. Presto! We have a correlation between musical tastes and dumbitude (smartitude too)!

Music <=> Colleges <=> Average SAT Scores

4. Plot the average SAT of each "favorite music", discarding those with too few samples to have a reliable average.

5. Post the results on your website, pondering what the Internet will think of it.

Ok, so if this scale was made specifically from data from my alma mater (Florida State), and the average SAT/ACT score at Florida State was 1600, and the only music listed among Florida State Facebook users was “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans”, then “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans” would rate as a 1600. If another school’s students listed “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans”, but only received an average score of 800, then “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans” would drop to an average test score of 1200. Hence, “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans” would rank somewhere between Bob Dylan and U2.

(Actually, FSU ranked 265th out of 1352 colleges with an average test score of 1154 across 31,347 students with listening preferences of Jack Johnson, Sublime, Coldplay, Bob Marley, The Beatles, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pink Floyd, John Mayer, Weezer, and The Fray.)

Points of Contention:

As I explained, what Mr. Griffith listed was the listening preferences of the smart colleges versus the listening preferences of less academically prestigious colleges. First of all, he does not go into academic study. Of course, colleges specializing in classical study will have more kids who listen to Beethoven, the music linked to the “smartest scores”. On the flip side, colleges specializing in urban anthropology may have more students listing to Lil Wayne (889 average score) and Nas (1071 average score).

Second, looking at Mr. Griffith’s chart, I immediately noticed most of the music on the lower IQ side derives from African beats and influences. Of course, the most basic instinct would be to label this as yet another study supporting racism and minority intellectual inferiority. The website ThisIsRealMusic.com blasts Mr. Griffith along this assumption. However, TIRM fails to mention where or how Mr. Griffith got his information. They just proclaim he is a closet racist. I don’t think that is fair, nor is it a good way to do a counterpoint.

Where I do believe Mr. Griffith dropped the ball is in his title and its associated media blitz. In labeling his study “Music that makes you dumb”, he is opening himself up for comments and negative attention. The proper title of his study should have been “Music Preferences of Facebook-Using College Students Based on School Average SAT/ACT Scores”. But that wouldn’t have garnered him any attention.

Also of note is that several Historically Black Colleges are listed in the bottom quarter of Mr. Griffith’s school data along with their students’ music tastes. I have little doubt Mr. Griffith saw this trend emerging as he graphed his data. Here again I fault Mr. Griffith’s presentation of the data.

What does it say then about Historical Black Colleges that they score so low? Either HBCs are letting in students who are not stringent in their academic requirements or the students of HBCs are not as smart as students in the top schools. The latter theory can of course be countered by the idea that minority students (assuming they make up the majority of HBC student bodies) are not being prepared well enough to score well on college entrance exams. Some even go as far as to label the tests racist. So where does the bigger fault lie: in the music HBC students listen to or the school systems they come from?

The bottom line is that Mr. Griffith was irresponsible in releasing his findings in the manner that he did. He should have known the societal repercussions of his display. The fact that he attempts to cover up his naivety in the cloak of statistical impartiality does not hold water. And honestly, instead of playing with numbers and pinning music to test scores, he would have been better off trying to devise a statistical way for students to do better on their entrance exams.

By the way, as for Mr. Griffith and his personal music tastes, according to the FAQ he listens to Daft Punk (not on the list) Tool (1083), Radiohead (1220), and Metallica (1063). Averaging the available scores, and using his musical tastes as an indicator of his own intelligence, Mr. Griffith probably received an 1122 on his entrance exam. However, this would put him nearly 400 points below the average Cal Tech student, who received a 1520.

So either Mr. Griffith is far below the academic standard at his university or, if he did score among the average test taker, his musical preferences are not indicative of his intelligence. If he then is an outlier in his own study, why should we attach his system to any other test taker in any other school?

Saying we are supposed to correlate attributes to people when the creator of the attributes is such a drastic outlier is like saying a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, would want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks. It obviously does not not make sense.

Chewbacca Defense - These bloopers are hilarious

Dymond Simon vs Simon Diamond

2009-03-25T00:01:00.001-04:00

While watching Sunday night's Arizona State versus Florida State women's basketball game, one name stood out above all the rest. No, not the best player on each team (sorry, I am not a big women's hoops fan, I was just watching for FSU). What caught my attention was the announcers' mention of ASU Sun Devil guard Dymond Simon.

This is Dymond Simon:

The reason her name sounded so familiar?

This is former Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW) competitor Simon Diamond:

Although I don't think they're related, one thing is for sure: I have watched too much pro wrestling.

Curt Schilling and the Baseball Hall of Fame

2009-03-24T23:37:00.003-04:00

Pitcher Curt Schilling hung up his spikes the other day. As a member of three World Series-winning teams and a veteran of 20-plus years, Schilling accumulated quite the career resume. Of course, all the pundits, prognosticators, sooth-sayers, and wise ~~guys~~ men are throwing in their two cents on whether or not Schilling belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame. What do they know?

I have already given my opinion. My mind was set over two years ago. Once again, I was ahead of the curve.

256.25 schillings will get you a ticket to the Hall of Fame (The Serious Tip, February 6th, 2007)

Playboy, the power of Western tunes, and the albums that shaped my ear

2009-03-23T00:01:00.003-04:00

Because I am busy on bigger and more prestigious things right now, and because I blogged my rear end off last week, you, dear reader, are getting links to other people's stuff. Enjoy.

- I haven't read a Playboy Magazine in years. Apparently, the magazine just isn't what it used to be. I am going to go out on a limb and think you could almost compare Playboy and Saturday Night Live. I think after reaching their heyday in the 70s, neither grew with the times. Then, after the explosion of the Internet and online media, both really struggled. Although SNL has started to design content for the online audience, Playboy might want to heed the 10 Ways Playboy Can Be Better from the NSFW blog Free Porn Star Pix (the title is a bit misleading, it is a blog about the porn industry).

- According to National Geographic, "Western tunes — even with no words — can convey emotion across cultural barriers". This according to a study by the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Leipzig, Germany. The article claims Western music mimics the tone of the human voice more effectively than other forms of international music.

- Tim Niland of the blog Music and More listed the five albums that Shaped His Listening Habits. I always learn a lot from Tim's blog of mostly jazz and blues reviews, and this time he lists some absolute classics like Miles Davis and John Coltrane.

In return, here is my personal list of five albums that molded my listening:

1) Soundgarden - Superunknown: This was my first rock album and set the tone for the type of rock I like. Between this and Pearl Jam's Ten, I developed my rock sensibility around the "grunge" sound.

2) Public Enemy - Apocalypse 91 ... The Enemy Strikes Black: This was among my first rap albums. When I first got into listening to rap I bought Heavy D and the Boyz, the Fresh Prince, and Public Enemy. Right off the bat I knew PE definitely had more to say than Will Smith and the Heavster. As I was just getting into politics, for some reason I gravitated to the realism of Chuck D. Not a bad decision for a 14-year old white kid from the suburbs who, embarrassingly enough, used to watch and read Rush Limbaugh regularly. (Then again, I was only 14. What did I know?)

3) Jimi Hendrix - Blues: This album got me into the blues. True story: way back in early 1996, I was on an overnight flight from Phoenix to Tampa. During one of the late night hours, I plugged my headphones into the armrest and started flipping through the airline music channels. On one of the channels I heard the DJ say something about Jimi Hendrix and Booker T and the MGs, then he plays Jimi's version of "Born Under a Bad Sign", which is still my favorite track on the CD. Needless to say, I made it my goal to find that song and this album. I still think it was a message from somewhere that at that particular moment I plugged in and that DJ introduced me to one of my favorite albums.

4) Clutch - Clutch: After a few years of listening mostly to gangsta rap (I went from PE to Ice Cube to Snoop and Dre), this album was one of two to get me back into rock (the other is number 5). Clutch's second album has a little bit of everything - catchy lyrics, stories of pirates, tales of aliens and conspiracies, and even one of the best stoner jams I have ever heard. It's heavy but not only coherent, but also intelligent.

5) Sublime - Sublime: I'll admit, this album has just about entered the realm of the overrated. I don't share the opinion that it is the absolute classic so many people suggest it is. The fact that every frat guitar player from Long Beach to Long Island has this in his repertoire definitely bugs the snot out of me. But Sublime, like Clutch, has a huge place in my musical history. It was the first album I heard that mixed rock and rap. Of course, the Beasties and Run DMC did it before Sublime, but something about the scratching and sampling in Sublime made me think that maybe I should check out some of that rock and roll stuff the kids were listening to.

Hopefully this list will get other people listing their most influential five albums. As long as nobody lists Yoko Ono, I think we will be alright.

(About the image: I don't know if it is from this article or not, but back in 2007, there was a Colombian guitar maker who was making guitars out of AK-47s. I'd like to hang one of those above the fireplace.)

The World Domination continues

2009-03-21T01:00:00.003-04:00

I reached a new record this week. Including The Serious Tip, I blogged on four different sites in the last seven days. Check out the links:

Tues:
A preview of the Florida Marlins at Thunder Matt's Saloon.

Wed:
A preview of the New York Mets at Thunder Matt's Saloon.

Thurs:
A brief post over at ScalpEm.com about a conference at Florida State.

Fri:
A preview of the Florida State Seminoles over at Deadspin.

And of course, my posts here.

To paraphase the Wu-Tang Clan:

“So what’s like, I mean what’s like your ultimate goal in blogging?”

“Domination, baby.”

A Forgiveness Poem to Bologna

2009-03-17T20:35:00.004-04:00

So I was bored the other day and I wrote a poem. I hope you enjoy.

This poem may remind long-time readers of my stuff of a poem called "Happy Cows". For those who have only started following me in the last few years, I'll have to post that poem sometime.

Religious Leader Declares War Against Offensive Pro Wrestlers

2009-03-14T03:02:00.001-04:00

Last week, the Islamic Republic of Iran announced its displeasure with Darren Aronofsky’s film “The Wrestler”. Iranian officials claimed Aronofsky’s character “The Ayatollah” was insulting to Iranian culture and portrayed the Iranian people in a negative light. Iranian response to the Wrestler was so negative, even members of Iranian Pres. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's staff expressed their concerns.

In response to the Iranian government's reaction to “The Wrestler”, the Supreme Holy Leader of Iran, Ali Khamenei, issued a fatwa, or religious edict, against all professional wrestlers who could be insulting or could have in any way insulted Persian, Arabic, Islamic, or Middle Eastern culture. Reports claim this fatwa will specifically by name target both active and former wrestlers and could possibly have the same effect that a previous fatwa had on author Salmon Rushdie, who ended up hiding out for decades.

According to a vague CIA translation of the fatwa, the numerous wrestlers mentioned by name include The Original Sheik, The Iron Sheik, General Adnan, Colonel Mustafa, The Sultan, Sabu, Sheik Abdul Bashir, and recent WWE Superstar Muhammad Hassan.

“They claim these performers have made a mockery of their people and their faith,” said one CIA worker. “Personally, however, we don’t see what the big deal is. Sure, Iron Sheik wore curled boots, spit on the American flag, spoke in jibberish, announced how great his country was, and badmouthed America. But don’t most Middle Easterners do that?”

Despite the threat of violence against their Middle Eastern-themed peers, many pro wrestlers are ambivalent or even supportive of the Iranian decree.

“Those un-American pukes never belonged here,” said wrestling legend Sgt Slaughter. “I spent my whole career trying to make the good ol’ US of A safe against pukes like the Iron Sheik. Good to know their own homeland doesn’t care much for them either. Maybe there is hope for those pukes over there after all.”

WWE CEO Vince McMahon was unavailable for comment.